Nancy Cartwright credited as playing...
Bart Simpson • Nelson Muntz • Ralph Wiggum
- Ralph Wiggum: [at the Lincoln Memorial, sitting on Lincoln's lap] I want a tricycle, and a dog who won't chew my Hot Wheels, and a brighter future for America. I'm Ralph Wiggum, and I've been a good boy.
- Lisa Simpson: Ralph can't be president. He's the dumbest person on the dumbest percentile group.
- Homer Simpson: Lisa, being president is easy. You just point the army and shoot.
- Lisa Simpson: And Ralph is only eight years old. It says in the Constitution you have to be thirty-five.
- Bart Simpson: The Constitution? I'm pretty sure the Patriot Act killed it to ensure our freedoms.
- Homer Simpson: [sarcastic] "Oh, the Patriot Act is so terrible! The government might find out what library books I take out!" What's next? Finding out what operas I go to?
- [high-fives Bart]
- Kent Brockman: Ralph, both parties want to offer you their nomination. Whom do you like?
- Chief Wiggum: Go ahead, Ralphie. You're invited to two parties: One with a donkey and one with an elephant. Who do you like?
- Ralph Wiggum: ...Elmo?
- Kent Brockman: Ah, Admiral Elmo Zumwalt, Richard Nixon's chief of naval operations. So, Ralph's a Republican!