Plot

Nancy sees something she shouldn't have when she follows a secret tunnel; Dean takes a new job and leaves Isabel to live with Celia; Doug falls for a vision of beauty on the beach.

Nancy discovers something she shouldn't when she follows the tunnel in the back of the maternity shop. In the meantime, Isabelle moves to Celia when her father accepts a new job, and Doug falls in love with a Mexican beauty he faces at the beach.

We now return to Nancy's supposedly boring job in the maternity shop, and more specifically, the hole in said shop's floor, which has left Nancy amazed and bewildered as she stares into it.

There are stairs, and after a moment of consideration, Nancy descends them one by one. At the bottom she finds an underground tunnel lined with shop lights. Roots hang from the ceiling, emphasizing its depth. At the end is a door, which she hesitates before opening...to discover the blue and white tiled bathroom of the mechanic's shop. There's a bin that seems to be filled with paper bags and tulle, but when she looks inside she finds what seem to be drug packages wrapped in plastic and duct tape. Men's voices, speaking in Spanish, float in from beyond the bathroom door. Ever the curious suburban housewife, Nancy peeks out of the door to discover a room filled with well-dressed men drinking cocktails and smoking cigars. The one in the middle is quite handsome and sporting a gigantic grin on his face... which disappears as soon as he notices Nancy.

He snaps and points a finger at her, and before she can react, one of his henchman has dashed into the bathroom and is roughly commanding her to sit down while pushing her to the ground. Another strongman, one of Guillermo's guys, comes in behind him, and Nancy pleads with him, "Tell him that you know me!" He says nothing. The well-dressed man enters, and the henchman yanks Nancy up to her feet.

"Hi," she says quietly. The man sizes her up with a vexed expression on his face, takes a puff on his stogie, turns on his heel and departs.

The goon leads Nancy roughly by the arm back down the tunnel as she asks if the well-dressed man is the boss. His answer is to push her toward the stairs.

"I think it would be wise for you to re-imagine the events of this evening," he says in a warning tone. "Now, you close up your shop. Go home to your family. And you saw nothing."

"You mean no one," Nancy replies.

"That's right."

She glances over his shoulder at the tunnel and turns to head back up the stairs.

Back at the house, Shane, Doug, Celia and Andy sort through Bubbie's -- actually, now that she's dead, Lennie's -- stuff to prepare for an estate sale. They all try to lay claim to something; Doug swipes a pipe. Shane, after staving off the buzzards, decides he wants to keep an old cigar box. He opens it up and finds old dog collars, which he jokingly refers to as a "vintage murdered dog collection." He decides he can charge five bucks per dead dog collar.

The next day, Nancy and Celia head into the drug front they call work, making small talk as Nancy tries not to spill the beans about the previous night's discovery. But after Nancy punches in the code and opens the front door, she's greeted by a man seated in a chair by the drug tunnel she was ordered to re-imagine. He has a machine gun in one hand and a book in the other.

Nancy manages a weak, "Hi." Celia also plays it cool, casually remarking upon the half-eaten pastry in his lap while staring at the hole. Nancy asks if he's going to be there for long.

"Todo tiempo," he replies.

"All the time!" she repeats. "Oh, OK." She introduces herself and Celia, and he tells them his name is Ignacio. Pleasantries exchanged, Nancy and Celia go to open up shop.

Once the door is closed, Celia begins to freak out, asking what's in the hole. Nancy tells her that it's a tunnel to Mexico, and she's never to go there. Unless of course, her trip to Mexico is via usual means, such as driving across the border. She also advises Celia not to drink the water if she were to go to Mexico by the standard route before reiterating she is never, ever, to venture into the hole. Celia asks if the man with the machine gun is the attractive man from the story Nancy was never supposed to tell but obviously did. Nancy cuts her off by saying she saw no one. "But, he was so much better looking than that guy."

Meanwhile, Andy and Doug are sitting on the beach, commenting on the array of butts passing them by, including one Doug recognizes as sculpted by yoga, when Andy stumbles upon his next get-rich- quickly-and-stupidly scheme: Why not become coyotes? His limited experience with a particularly rude one has made him think there's money to be made in being nice coyotes, the Jet Blue of the coyote business.

Andy even has a branding plan. "Sun Chips and bottled water. Competitive pricing without the rape trees and extortion."

"That could be our slogan," Doug deadpans. Andy continues the sales pitch: Illegal immigration for profit is their next venture. Doug says he needs to think about it, adding that his main barrier is that he's not partial to Mexicans.

Back in the maternity shop, a still-curious Nancy slips into the back while a customer is in a dressing room, only to find a ticked-off Guillermo unloading merchandise from the hole. She tries to greet him casually but he rebuffs her. "You made trouble for me," he tells her, "going where you don't belong." Nancy chides him for not mentioning the tunnel to Mexico in the back of the store. He tells her to go do her job and smile at pregnant ladies. Noticing the number of bags being unloaded from the hole, she remarks that it looks like a whole lot of pot. "That's what it's all about," Guillermo says.

All the while he looks very worried, so Nancy softens her tone and asks if he really got in trouble with the man in the suit...and by the way, who is the man in the suit?

Guillermo stiffens and coldly tells her, "You didn't see a man in a suit."

She rephrases the question: If this invisible man existed, what would he do to Guillermo?

"Don't know yet," Guillermo says. "But anything happens to me, worse gonna happen to you. We're just hoping for sunshine, preparing for rain." He repeats his command for her to return to the front of the shop.

Nancy obeys, only to find Isabelle has dropped in. She's facing Celia, begging her mother to let her come live with her. Celia, on top of pointing out that Isabelle hates her, says she has no room. Isabelle agrees that she can't stand Celia, which only underscores her desperation. Apparently Isabelle's dad has been driving her nuts with all of his weeping, and plans to move to Detroit. Celia tries to spin the situation by saying that the cold weather will allow Isabelle layer on clothing and hide her extra pounds.

Isabelle asks her mother, in terms that aren't exactly polite, to try something different for once and not to be selfish. "Save me," she says.

Celia turns away from her to help out a nearby customer obviously scandalized by this exchange. As she rings up the expectant mother, she loudly points out Isabelle's ungrateful attitude as an example of something the woman can look forward to.

Later, Doug and Celia sit on the couch and reminisce over the disastrous tryst that ruined their lives, while sipping boxed wine right out of the box. Noticing that she's gotten her tooth fixed, Doug asks Celia if she wants to do it. She rebuffs him, reminding Doug that sex with him ruined her life. They admit that they're both lonely, observing that they burned through their happiness, but at least they tasted the American Dream. Doug tries to persuade Celia to see that Isabelle isn't the evil seed she makes her out to be, but nothing doing. He suggests that Celia might try to just hang out with Isabelle, wishing that he'd done that with his son because "gays are chick magnets." Doug's really going for that Father of the Year award.

"Your young hot thing days are long over," Celia tells him, and he agrees, qualifying it by saying that he might get another chance if he were to get rich. If only he were in the mood to try!

Doug makes a pass at Celia one more time, adding that the couch isn't as comfy as the bed, but she throws up the Heisman hand once again, saying she's holding out for her FEMA money. He drops his pants and she bellows at him, reminding him that she said no...but she doesn't need to worry, he's just putting on fresh boxers straight from the dryer. In lieu of sex, warm undies are enough of a thrill.

Later, Shane is running the estate sale under Nancy, Andy and Doug's supervision, when Doug spots a familiar pair of buttocks on the scene, the one belonging to yoga girl from the beach boardwalk. Doug and Andy follow her as she climbs the stairs, and they argue over who saw her first. They agree to both make an attempt, deciding to let the best man win...only to lose out to Silas.

They find out her name is Lisa, and she owns the cheese shop in town. Her son Brad runs in to further ruin Andy and Doug's pick-up strategy. As she makes her exit she throws some extra Mrs. Robinson flirtation Silas's way.

Outside, Nancy helps a customer load a table into his van, and as the man drives away, two other men crossing the street throw a sack over her head. She screams as they stuff her in the trunk of a waiting car and drive off.

At the beach, Shane tallies the take from the estate sale: $8327. Andy wonders where Nancy went, and Shane casually replies that she's probably out buying a bedskirt. Doug thinks she's likely selling drugs. Nobody even considers that she might have been kidnapped. Shane takes the money and heads off with it as Andy and Doug lounge on the beach...and notice a girl rise up out of the water, fully clothed. Andy jokes that she's a dirty hippie, frolicking in the waves. Then a man walks onto the beach from the waves, also fully clothed. Then another woman, and more men, carrying plastic bags full of stuff. It's a weird sight.

Suddenly cops on ATVs roar down the beach towards them, and they scream as they attempt run away. The first woman runs up to Doug begs him to help her...and why, she's gorgeous! And he's desperate! Doug, mesmerized by her curtain of dark hair and lovely face, blurts out, "You are so beautiful! You are like a mermaid! A Mexican mermaid! A Mermex!"

Before their spark of romance can be fanned into a flame, a cop throws water on it by tackling her. Doug and Andy protest, pointing out that she only wants to do the chores nobody else wants to do. The mysterious illegal Mermex agrees, adding, "Or, telecommunication."

Before the cop carts her off, Doug takes a picture with his phone and gets her name -- Maria. He promises to find her, and as collateral, she keeps his sandal, calling him Senor Flippy-Flop. "How cute is that?" Doug says.

Andy points out that they could bring her back...if they were coyotes.

That settles is for old Dry Spell Doug. "I'm in."

Back at the house, Lisa drops by just in time for Silas to greet her at the door, shirtless. She asks about some piece of estate sale treasure that may or may not have sold, and Silas makes a move to go after it...before realizing that's not what she wants. Figuring it out, he asks if she wants to go for a walk on the beach, and she says yes without skipping a beat. Koo-koo-ka-choo, Mrs. Robinson.

Back at the Hacienda Hodes, Celia shows up to collect Isabelle. Dean begs Isabelle not to go, reminding her that her mother is Satan. She agrees, pointing out that Mom is the devil she knows. She promises to keep in touch.

Cutting back to Nancy's predicament, the sack is pulled off of her head and she finds herself facing the man in the suit -- although he is no longer wearing a suit, but a very nice shirt. He tells Nancy's life story back to her, revealing that he knows about Silas and Shane, knows where she went to college, knows that she has four outstanding parking tickets, and even knows the location of a tattoo on her backside.

"You should not have gone through the tunnel," he says somewhat menacingly."That was a mistake."

"I know," she answers.

"You should not be asking questions. Questions about me," he continues.

"I'm sorry," she says.

"Yeah...you are sorry," he says stepping towards her. Then he smiles. "But your eyes are brown."

Suddenly, things take a turn...a turn that promises to lead to sexy results.

"You should must be punished. Learn a lesson." He struts around her, and leans into her hair. "It will be painful. How about a....spanking? A good hard spanking?"

A confused Nancy replies, "Ummm..."

Alas, Nancy's brush with romance of a rosy-cheeked sort is interrupted by a knock at the door. Two of the well-dressed man's men come in and, en Espanol, tell him that he has more important matters to attend to. The well-dressed man says something back to them about having a little fun, but the goons (in so many words) insist he cut it short.

"It's time for you to go," the well-dressed man tells Nancy. She says she thought she heard the verb for "to kill," and he smiles and says, "Well, work on your Spanish." He tells her she can go home through the tunnel just this once, and that he'll call ahead and tell Ignacio not to kill her. "Goodnight, Nancy Botwin," he says softly, and as she smiles at him flirtatiously, a henchman puts the sack back on her head. This time she doesn't scream.

As a car drops her off at the mechanic's shop, she stumbles to the door, only to be halted by the sight of a familiar face grinning at her from a political poster. A closer look reveals that it's the well-dressed man -- or rather, Esteban Reyes, Presidente Municipal.

A shocked Nancy turns to the door of the garage just as it opens, and the mechanic beckons her inside.

"He's the mayor?" she asks.

The mechanic replies, "Si."