Harrison Ford credited as playing...
Mike Pomeroy
- Mike Pomeroy: Nobody really cares that I can do this job, but... but I can. I wanted you to see that.
- Becky Fuller: That was a great story, Mike. That was... that was better than a great story, that was great television. I mean, that was bran with a donut. A bran donut.
- Mike Pomeroy: I've got a grandkid. Did you know that? Alexander. I haven't seen him since I got fired. I was embarrassed... after all I'd accomplished. And then to... come back to the news... this way. The truth is, I'd... I'd screwed up with my kids way before I got canned. Anyway, I was never at home and... when I was, I took every phone call, watching TV out of the corner of my eye. Why am I telling you this? You're worse than I am. You'd sleep at the office if you could. Let me tell you how it turns out. You end up with... with nothing. Nothing. Which is... which is what I had. 'Till you came along.
- Becky Fuller: Wait a second. Did you just say something nice to me?
- Mike Pomeroy: I told you I could banter.
- Mike Pomeroy: Why do we have to mention that first cup of coffee? Why not just say, "Watch Mike Pomeroy before your morning dump?"
- [last lines]
- Becky Fuller: [reading a newspaper article] "His gravity leavens the silliness of morning TV, making for an incongruous but somehow perfect match. Turns out that after 40 years in the business, the real Mike Pomeroy has arrived." Not bad.
- Mike Pomeroy: By the way, I'm getting my prostate checked next week. I thought I'd take a crew with me.
- Becky Fuller: [gasps] That's a great idea! We...
- Mike Pomeroy: [cutting her off] Jesus, I'm kidding.
- Becky Fuller: No, seriously, they have these little teeny, tiny cameras that go right up your...
- Mike Pomeroy: No, no, no.
- Becky Fuller: What if we got you a body double?
- [Mike laughs]
- Becky Fuller: Huh?
- Mike Pomeroy: No.
- Becky Fuller: No?
- Mike Pomeroy: Not in a thousand years.
- Mike Pomeroy: I've won 8 Peabodys. A Pulitzer. 16 Emmys. I was shot through the forearm in Bosnia. Pulled Colin Powell from a burning Jeep. I laid a cool washcloth on Mother Teresa's forehead during a cholera epidemic. I've had lunch with Dick Cheney.
- Becky Fuller: You're here for the money.
- Mike Pomeroy: That is correct.
- Mike Pomeroy: You know what I've noticed? People only say "lighten up" when they're gonna stick their fist up your ass.
- Becky Fuller: Oh, come on, everyone. I slept on the couch.
- Mike Pomeroy: Until I woke her up with my African rain stick.
- Becky Fuller: I will have you know that this show is very important to a lot of people, including, but not limited to, me! My ass on the line here.
- Mike Pomeroy: Actually, your ass is irrelevant. You're just a footnote. It's my ass. My reputation. My integrity.
- [pats his buttocks with both hands]
- Mike Pomeroy: . MY ASS!
- Mike Pomeroy: [after Ernie's rollercoaster terror] What are you gonna do to him next? Strap electrodes to his balls?