The Good Place (TV Series)
A Chip Driver Mystery (2019)
Jameela Jamil: Tahani Al-Jamil
Photos
Quotes
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Simone Garnett : Tahani, cancel your plans. We're gonna split a bottle of wine and read Brent's terrible novel out loud.
Tahani Al-Jamil : Oh, dear. Perhaps we shouldn't make fun. He did seem nicer on the ski trip. He made us all s'mores. Though, to be fair, he did also claim to have invented them.
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Simone Garnett : [reading from Brent's novel] "Chip Driver pulled up to the murder site in his 1968 Cadillac. 'Keep it close,' he growled to the valet, Luis. 'Of course, Señor,' said Luis, who secretly admired Chip more than even his own father."
Tahani Al-Jamil : "Chip gazed at the sexy outline of the murder victim on the floor. 'What a waste of curves,' he growled. He checked his Rolex watch, which was real. It was almost golf o'clock, so the case would have to wait. Good thing he'd already solved it. The killer was Luis, the valet."
Simone Garnett : He solves the murder on page ten. What is the rest of this book about?
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Tahani Al-Jamil : Perhaps I can convince Simone to handle this the British way. Smile bravely, bury your feelings, and allow a steady drizzle to slowly wash away your sadness over 50 years.
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Tahani Al-Jamil : Okay, well, let's reset. I'll do something mildly iffy, and let John make a small, good decision to help. I could tell him I'm going to get ombré highlights and let him talk me out of it.
Eleanor Shellstrop : What's wrong with ombré highlights?
Tahani Al-Jamil : Eleanor, please. This week has been hard enough.
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Tahani Al-Jamil : I've been through worse. Once, at Elon Musk's birthday party, I was seated between Silvio Berlusconi and Elon Musk.
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Brent Norwalk : So did you finish the book? What did you think?
Tahani Al-Jamil : Well, very interesting word choices. I've definitely never seen the word "pants-tent" used so many times.
Brent Norwalk : Yeah, I kind of just felt like, in that moment, that that's what the Surgeon General would say.
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Tahani Al-Jamil : You want a complo? I'll give you a complo. I didn't think it was possible to write a book as awful as yours. I literally didn't think human beings were capable of such racist, sexist poppycock! Also, Chip Driver is either a private eye or the quarterback for the Chicago Bears, or the "world's strongest president." He cannot be all three!
