Goodbye Mother (2019) User Reviews

Good acting, very Vietnamese perspective

[wsligter · 7/10 · 3 April 2020]

As a gay Dutch guy who's been living in different parts of Vietnam for 7 years I found this film interesting to watch. It's great that Vietnamese LGBT people are increasingly using film to show the world the beauty of same-sex relationships in their culture. This is greatly needed in a country where the government has very recently been described by HRW as 'not participating in the protection or improvement of LGBT rights'.

The two main actors are stealing the show by putting on a very believable chemistry that is pertained throughout the movie. The rest of the cast all seem a bit clumsy in their roles.

Vietnamese people (still) like to believe in luck to make important life decisions for them rather than push for self-determination. The way that Van 'comes out' is exemplary for that belief. He's being led to coming out by the circumstances instead of taking control and telling his family in an act of love for himself. That's a missed opportunity from my Western standpoint, and also shows the weak position of LGBT in a culture that usually chooses the wishes of the powerful and/or community over the emotions and heartfelt wishes of the individual. That said, the fact that at the end of the movie their relationship is open and accepted is a great thing and left me feeling warm and happy.

For Westerners I recommend watching this film if you have experience with or in Vietnam, or for learning more about the position of LGBT people in this culture. For others the cultural peculiarities may be a bit too boring or hard to understand.

Wonderful and sweet film

[Piedradura · 8/10 · 24 April 2021]

I am not Vietnamese, and was curious to see what life there is like. I found this film to be warm, engaging, and a window into a culture I know little about other than its food and history. The actors were all excellent, especially the two male leads and the grandma. Totally worth your time. Nice film about the meaning of family and acceptance.

Grandmother knows more than people think she does

[Red-125 · 8/10 · 20 October 2020]

The Vietnamese film Thua Me Con Di (2019) was shown in the U.S. with the title Goodbye Mother. It was directed by Trinh Dinh Le Minh.

It's a coming-out film about two Vietnamese men. One of them, Van, is the oldest grandson. He has returned from the U.S. for an important memorial service for his grandfather. (Van is portrayed by Lanh Thanh.) His partner, also Vietnamese-American, is Ian (Vo Dien Gia Huy Vo).

Van is slow in coming out to his family, but his grandmother (Nsut Le Thien) understands that the two men are gay. The men look enough alike to confuse grandmother, and she bonds to Ian, not Van. But, she knows what's going on.

This movie would have worked well as I've reviewed it above. However, director Trinh Dinh Le Minh has added a subplot full of family melodrama. I haven't seen enough films from Vietnam to know if this drama is expected of any movie, even a relatively light comedy. However, the subplot skews the story away from its basic plot--coming out in a traditional family.

We saw this film as part of Rochester's important ImageOut LGBTQ Film Festival. (Virtual this year.) It has a strong IMDb rating of 7.5. I thought it was even better than that, and rated it 8.

perfectly written script, great acting

[RaidahTan · 10/10 · 23 April 2020]

This movie is beyond my expectations. The storyline and the way the director address the plot are exceptional. Definitely one of my top rated movies in 2020.

One of the best Vietnamese movies

[haweedn · 10/10 · 27 August 2019]

Love the chemistry between Ian and Van. The movie was worth 2 hours watching

A Beautiful Vietnamese Story!

[javierubio · 10/10 · 30 December 2020]

This is What I call a great script, incredible story and a great Direction! The Acting was great, Believable and the landscapes of the Movie itself gave an unforgettable experience of 2 young gay man that loved each other deeply! What a pleasant time to view and even full of drama in A poor Vietnam still full of prejudices and Tradition. The Mother's Acting was so inspiring where Director showed what a real mother should feel about his son no matter what his sexual orientation is and also shows a sweet Mother that can forgive everything for unconditional love! Now the Acting of The Grandmother brought a lot of spice and cute situations that made the movie even better!

Perfect movie.

[tamstarqueen-38-119227 · 10/10 · 16 September 2020]

This movie was simply perfect. From the acting to the storytelling. It was funny, heartwarming and emotional. The chemistry between Ian and Van was amazing. The grandmother was so adorable and I loved that out of everyone who were apart of the younger generation, the grandmother was the most accepting of her grandson. I think this has become my favorite film.

Not so realistic but the characters' development was well portrayed

[cattho-52147 · 10/10 · 23 August 2019]

Throughout 2 hours of watching this, I have a compliment for the screenwriter to have actual research, finding and was able to give out such a realistic painting of what's going on in VNese gay people's lives. The story was a tad slow since it revolved around a big family and all kind of things happen in a big family. The acting skills of the two male characters was a bit inferior compared to the other actors and actresses, and it could be forgiven since it's their debut product. What makes the film so captivating is definitely the chemistry between Ian and Van, Van and his mother, it feels like they are immersing in their own role, just watch it and you will see what i'm trying to deliver here, thanks for reading this.

a funny and touching film

[mikanguyen · 10/10 · 28 April 2020]

A funny and touching film, one of the best Vietnamese movies.

Excellent coming-out film from Vietnam

[chong_an · 10/10 · 19 November 2020]

Van (Vietnamese name Nau) is the eldest grandson and heir-apparent of the family. He had gone to the U.S. to study, stayed, and became a U.S. citizen. Nearing the anniversary of his grandfather's death, he is returning to complete funeral matters.

The family is surprised to find he has brought along a "friend", fellow Vietnamese-American Ian (An). Van is hoping to come out to his widowed mother, who appears to be the trustee / accountant of the family. Things get strange when grandma, somewhat of a senile amnesiac, takes Ian to be Nau, and insists he spend lots of time with her. Meanwhile, everyone is encouraging Van to get married and have children. Also, the family is hoping to get a share of the estate.

This is an excellent film, with various twists and turns. It appears true to life in modern Vietnam, where homosexuality is not illegal, but not socially approved either. The handsome leads are just close enough in looks for grandma to mistake Ian for Nau, relative to a years-ago photo..

This brings up a comparison with I am Samuel, another going-home and coming-out story. But since this is a written drama and not a documentary, the writer has better control over the arc of the story.

Very culture-corrected

[mtnguyen027 · 10/10 · 25 February 2023]

If you asked me what it's like being gay in Vietnam, especially in a rural area, I'll ask you back if you could have one hour and a half to watch this movie to be fully acknowledged of it.

The film did a wonderful job of delivering realistic cultural facts in Vietnam by portraying normal life in the countryside of a family, where there is one homosexual grandson.

A little bit of background for you guys who are unfamiliar with the situation here: The deceased father of the main character (Nau/Van) is the first son of the family, and Nau is the only child of his parents. In Vietnamese culture (I would say inherited from Chinese culture, but that's a different story) it is assumed that he plays an important role in maintaining the bloodline and stuff. The tradition is even more conserved, as one lives in a rural area. So it is even more challenging for one in such situations to come out than it is already.

You may find yourself failing to understand some of the scenes: one being forced to drink beers together, being forced to touch a girl's thigh, a group of women appearing out of nowhere and yelling aggressively. That is just how things happen in Vietnam. I, as a Vietnamese, have been dragged into these situations many times.

The acting was, by the way, good and emotionally correct, the mom made me miss my mom, the grandma made me miss my grandma, and the aunties also made me miss my aunties. And the choice of 2 young new actors to play the 2 main characters was somewhat fit, their unskilled performance fits with how dull and goofy the foreigners are supposed to be when they come to Vietnam.

A brilliant film about being gay in Vietnam

[graham-harvey · 8/10 · 11 December 2021]

This story shows very well the difficult terrain that two Vietnamese guys must deal with. They both live in US where of course, being gay is far more understood & tolerated. On a visit to one of their families in Vietnam, the pressure is so well shown by the family expecting the son to get married. Its a familiar story for lots of gay people. When are you going to get married? Wanting to be honest but fearing the alienation, criticism, potential violence & exclusion is something that gay people understand very well. There is a wonderful relationship between the grandmother (who has dementia, but actually figures out the important things) & not her grandson, but his partner! She is confused between the two guys, but she knows love when she sees it!

Unexpected Gem from Vietnam!

[Azi22 · 10/10 · 3 October 2020]

Excellent quality from story to acting! I'd give it more than a 10 if I could. Must watch even if you're not LGBT. Great to see Hong Dao in this film. She did a great job, as did the other actors as well. Definitely look forward to future movies like these.

If this is what Vietnamese families are like, I'm glad I'm not Vietnamese

[jm10701 · 27 May 2021]

Van is such a spineless, selfish jerk. He brings his boyfriend-his fiance, really, because they're planning to get married-all the way from America to met his family. But from the moment they arrive in Vietnam, he lets his oppressive relatives publicly and persistently bully and humiliate both of them by acting like the boyfriend doesn't exist and insisting on Van's marrying a girl-ANY girl-so they can produce children as quickly as possible.

Van NEVER stands up against the relentless, obnoxious bullying, never even acknowledges that his boyfriend is more than a casual acquaintance, although there is not the slightest threat of violence if he did. He's just a weak, selfish, spineless jerk who lets his horrible family run roughshod over his boyfriend.

If I'd been the boyfriend, I'd have gotten on the first plane back to the US, left Van with the family he clearly prefers and deserves, and found a man worth committing to.

This is an extremely annoying, infuriating movie.

Watched it as a vietnamese

[TanHoDuc · 9/10 · 8 March 2023]

The mother doesn't want to drive, because she originally thought it was a man's job ,and a son grows up, gets married and has children, which is his duty. But now she understands, inherently life has no standards at all, no one is responsible for fulfilling the aspirations of others. Live the life you want, just be yourself. Now, she can drive a car as she has stopped keeping those standards in mind and accepting the path her son is on.

I watched this movie on the very first day it was released in theaters. Sadly it failed miserably at the box office. Making movies on this subject in Vietnam is like putting a knife to your neck. Hope one day lgbt will be legalized in vietnam, i will always hope and fight for our rights.

Brilliant!

[mikemcdo · 10/10 · 25 September 2023]

Excellent movie on all levels, issues relating to family, society and love are brilliantly interwoven. Shocked to read some so-called film reviewers identifying this film as a comedy, but there is nothing at all comical in this film; the grandmother has dementia and this is certainly not a comical subject. In fact, her character is wonderful and even though having dementia, she is the only one who can see an important truth. Just Brilliant! This is a film showing gay people as having real relationships that are loving and part of a loving family life. I also loved the scenes of Viet Nam and Vietnamese culture. I could write a PhD on this film, I think it is a work of genius. I have watched it now several times and still find things I missed. It easily gets a perfect 10 score from me!

One of the best gay movies of all time!

[elmer-register · 10/10 · 8 October 2023]

I recently watched "Goodbye, Mother" - a Vietnamese film about American lovers who went back to Vietnam for a religious ceremony - and to face typical conservative society's view of gay guys.

The film is great. This will definitely be one of the greatest gay movies of all time for me. It's very similar to what I experienced here in the Philippines and tackles family issue, land disputes among family, expectations from family regarding settling down and having kids and the typical homophobia from the rest of society.

Vo Dien Gia Huy plays the character of Ian - the lover of Van, who went home to Vietnam. Ian got closed and accepted by the grandmother, even though he loves another man. Grandparents are really great - accepting and all that. The actor played the role very well - he's lovable, charming and the embodiment of the ideal boyfriend.

I hope to find my Ian soon.