There are certain words and phrases which, in order to avoid looking and feeling like a complete fool, one should never say to oneself or anyone else. One of those phrases is, "That is the worst movie I ever saw!" Why? Because if you live long enough, you will inevitably be proven wrong.
That is the ONLY reason why I am not calling "Zillafoot" the worst movie I ever saw.
When filmmakers decide to play a joke on anyone undiscriminating enough to watch their movie, and it takes a full 20 minutes before you realize it's a joke, someone has failed. And it's not you.
The plot of the movie is a bog-standard "aliens come to earth and release a giant monster to wreak havok" story. It's been the plot of literally thousands of episodes of various Japanese tokusatsu series. And the filmmakers are clearly fans of tokusatsu films and television, particularly the Godzilla and Ultraman franchises. But parody is, at least by definition, a form of humor. That means, by default, a parody should be at least somewhat humorous. If there's any humor in this movie, it's hammered flatter than a sheet of aluminum foil.
A meteorite crashes in the woods carrying aliens who release a giant ape-like monster which the aliens say will "bring Earth to its knees". But the damn thing never leaves the forest, with most of Earth oblivious of its presence. Scientist tracking the meteorite call the monster "Zillafoot" because, apparently, it's a cross between Godzilla and Bigfoot. But it doesn't look anything at all like Godzilla; the monster is just a man in a gorilla suit with arm pieces borrowed from another monster suit. The low budget of the movie forces the camera operator to film Zillafoot from low angles to create the illusion of great size. But the monster is still overshadowed by the trees looming behind him in every shot, so the illusion is spoiled from the first shot.
Typically, the army is useless against the monster, some model tanks get thrown around and some explosions with matte-heavy shadows around them are superimposed over shots of Zillafoot waving his arms around. The cheapness is never not evident in this movie.
The filmmakers are spoofing tokusatsu franchises, but do it so badly, and with so many misfires that the overall effect is spoiled by their inability to pull off a simple joke. The all-white cast of actors play characters with Japanese names and speak in stilted cadence that is clearly intended to invoke bad English dubbing of Japanese movies. Scenes shift from night to day and back again with no transition. Several actors spend a long time wandering around in the woods at night without any of them being given a flashlight. They spend so much time trying not to trip over things that they can barely deliver their lines (not that any good at it at the best of times). The costumes and miniatures never failed to disappoint. Besides Zillafoot, there is second monster that one "scientist" identifies as a "dinosaur", although it looks like it was sewn together with pieces of stuffed felt crab, scorpion and octopus toys. And, in the third act, Earth gains an ineffectual defender in the form of "Ultrasquad", an Ultraman-like giant in a red unitard and headpiece that looks like someone's first attempt at sculpting the head of a deer from watery clay - a mushy gray mess with mismatched eyes, randomly placed horns and lumpy skin. I'm not sure why he's called Ultra-"Squad", since there's only one of him. He grapples with Zillafoot for several interminable minutes without actually "fighting" - most likely there was no money in the budget for suit repair.
And then the movie ends of cliffhanger, with the promise of a sequel. Honestly, I think we'll see "Buckaroo Banzai Against the World Crime League" before anyone invests in another "Zillafoot".
There's a certain entertainment value in watching bad movies and making fun of their attempts at exceeding the modest capabilities of their makers. But this movie is so cheap and so poorly executed, mocking it seems more like kicking a mentally-challenged child than Mystery Science Theater 3000. By the time we got to the scene of 30 year-old actor in a Ultraman shirt acting like a six year-old, while a male actor playing his mother shouts at him through a closed door, I just started feeling sorry for everyone involved.
"Zillafoot" is a waste of everyone's time, including that of the cast and crew.
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