- Shawn Spencer: [looking at a field of dirt mounds] Oh, look at that. It's like that movie, the one with, uh... Sigourney Weaver.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: "Aliens"?
- Shawn Spencer: No.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: "Alien"?
- Shawn Spencer: No!
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: "Alien: Resurrection"?
- Shawn Spencer: Gus, the one with the holes and Shia LaBeouf.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: They had holes in Shia LaBeouf?
- Shawn Spencer: The holes were in the ground, dude. Like that.
- [gestures toward the mounds]
- Shawn Spencer: And Jon Voight was walking around all crazy.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Oh! "Anaconda".
- Shawn Spencer: [sighs] Man, never mind.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: "Gorillas in the Mist"? "Death and the Maiden"?
- Shawn Spencer: No.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: "Half-Moon Street"?
- Shawn Spencer: Just let it go.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: You almost closed down our agency with that little act of yours Shawn.
- Shawn Spencer: Me? You're the one spending all your extra time at your little side project.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: You mean my real job? Soon to be my only job?
- Karen Vick: We just got a break in the case. We just found out the name of the dead man, you wanna tell them who he is detective?
- Carlton Lassiter: [moodily] No.
- Juliet O'Hara: Detective Lassiter is literally on fire.
- Shawn Spencer: What kind of fire are we talking about? Michael Jackson in the Pepsi commercial fire or misusing the word "literally" fire?
- Shawn Spencer: Just because I take Gus' giant dinosaur head down to a dead body, does not make me a nut job.
- Carlton Lassiter: [to Shawn, while walking away] Come on, we'll show you how real cops do it.
- Juliet O'Hara: No comeback? Shawn, that's slightly embarrassing.
- [Juliet leaves]
- Shawn Spencer: [half-heartedly] Where'd you get that su... suit, the toilet store?
- Shawn Spencer: You're mad.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: No, I'm not mad. I'm happy. I'm thrilled. I love looking like an idiot.
- Shawn Spencer: Well, that explains your shoes.
- Shawn Spencer: Doodles are the window to the soul, Gus. Or maybe that's the epiglottis. Where's the uvula?
- Shawn Spencer: [about Walker] Why didn't he just lease the land?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: I don't get it.
- Shawn Spencer: [sits up] I've got an idea. Let's ask him.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: What? We're pretty sure we just found a cold-blooded killer and you want to go to his house and ask him about it?
- Shawn Spencer: We can ask nicely.
- Henry Spencer: You still haven't answered the question of why he dug all those holes around the house.
- Shawn Spencer: Dad, that's the finale. That's why I don't invite you to these things.
- Karen Vick: Mr. Spencer, I'm surprised you didn't take the Segway.
- Shawn Spencer: She did know about that.
- Karen Vick: O'Hara just told me.
- Shawn Spencer: Traitor!
- Shawn Spencer: [flashlight is shown in Shawn's face] Ahh, Gus, that thing is brighter than the sun! I think you just gave me glaucoma!
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: You can't give someone glaucoma.
- Shawn Spencer: I can play Six Degrees of Dinosaur with you right now. You've never been in a movie with Kevin Bacon or Dilaposaurus, have you?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: How about you play Six Degrees of Kiss My Ass?
- Shawn Spencer: First of all, that sounds like a totally disturbing game.
- Shawn Spencer: [about Chief Vick] She hasn't called in a month. Is she still mad about me requisitioning the Segway?
- Juliet O'Hara: You did that?
- [pause]
- Shawn Spencer: No.
- Henry Spencer: Shawn, what are you doing?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Yeah, what are we doing, Shawn?
- Shawn Spencer: I need to borrow some tools.
- Henry Spencer: What kind of tools?
- Shawn Spencer: Digging tools.
- Henry Spencer: Are you still on the dinosaur thing?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: We're still on the dinosaur thing?
- Shawn Spencer: What, is there an echo in here?
- Shawn Spencer: You think I'm afraid of a little competition?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: I know you're afraid of competition. Why else would you have purposefully broken the "Battlezone" at Pizza Royale?
- Shawn Spencer: Dude, you beat me once. And only because you first used the eyepiece and *then* revealed you had pinkeye.
- Shawn Spencer: [to Karen] It's a farm, with a farmer. An old farmer. Farmer...Shooty Pants. That's a nickname. I don't think that's his actual handle.
- Juliet O'Hara: The short answer is, we just haven't really needed any outside help.
- Shawn Spencer: Well, what's the long answer. I mean, throw a but in there, and add something about a dream where you and I got thrown out of a mattress showroom.
- Shawn Spencer: Completely stumped, hmm?
- Karen Vick: You getting something Mr. Spencer?
- Shawn Spencer: Yes, yes I am.
- [takes pad and pen from Lassiter and starts to draw]
- Carlton Lassiter: No no no no no hang on! I I've got it. The wound on the head was caused by the edge of a boat. When he fell in the water unconscious and the wounds in the back were caused by a large industrial crab trap. Or a whale, definitely could have been a whale. Lost from his pod, separated. Migrating north or south, sees our man already dead floating up on the surface, thinks it's a seal and then whale.
- Shawn Spencer: Dude, look at the road when you're driving.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: I'm staying down for safety.
- Shawn Spencer: He was shooting directly into the air, Gus.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Bullets go up, they have to come down.
- Shawn Spencer: Do you know what the trajectory would have to be for that to happen.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Don't you dare argue physics with me! Not while were in the process of getting killed!
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Didn't you see the "Trespassers will be shot" sign?
- Shawn Spencer: Look at that, it totally said that. My bad.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: No Lennie!
- Shawn Spencer: Gus, you know how long I've been waiting to pull out my Lennie?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: No, Shawn, we do the National Paleontology Society thing, as agreed, and we keep it very, very simple.
- Shawn Spencer: [sighs] It's not as much fun as whipping out my Lennie.