Leighton Meester credited as playing...
Blair Waldorf
- Blair Waldorf: [after Serena tells her she'll try to stop by the sleepover after her date with Dan] I'm not a stop along the way; I'm a destination
- Blair Waldorf: [Jenny looks gorgeous in that yellow bare-legs, bare-shoulders evening dress] Wow, even I'm impressed.
- Jenny Humphrey: Uhm, I don't know, I mean, I don't really feel right...
- Blair Waldorf: Well, as my mother says, "Fashion knows not of comfort." All that matters is the face you show the world. And your face looks like It's going to bat mitzvah. But before we continue the renovation... Martini.
- Jenny Humphrey: Oh, no, thanks, I don't like vodka.
- Blair Waldorf: Well, that's nice, because this is gin, as it should be.
- [sensing reluctance:]
- Blair Waldorf: It's a party, Jenny. Either swallow that or swipe your Metrocard back home. It's up to you.
- Jenny Humphrey: So Eric's here, now it's your turn. Truth or dare?
- Blair Waldorf: You have to ask?
- Jenny Humphrey: I dare you to make out with that guy.
- Blair Waldorf: Easy.
- Jenny Humphrey: And mean it.
- Blair Waldorf: Watch and learn, little Humphrey.
- [walks over to kiss the stockbroker guy]
- Blair Waldorf: [the friend of the guy says he hopes Amanda doesn't find out]
- Blair Waldorf: Who's Amanda?
- Club Stockbroker: Just my girlfriend.
- Blair Waldorf: Amanda never has to know, does she?
- Club Stockbroker: I'm not tellin' her!
- [laughs with his friends]
- Blair Waldorf: Look what I got.
- [stole stockbroker's phone]
- Blair Waldorf: I dare you to call his girlfriend, her name's Amanda.
- Jenny Humphrey: Done and done.
- [calls Amanda]
- Jenny Humphrey: Hello? Amanda, hi, this is Bl... Claire. Yeah, I just had my tongue down your boyfriend's throat and he neglected to tell me you existed until after it was over. Just thought you should know. He's a real catch! Bye.
- [the girls laugh]
- Blair Waldorf: Alright, sleepover of the year!
- Amanda: Where is she?
- Club Stockbroker: Baby, what, who, I'm here at the club with the guys.
- [walks over to Blair]
- Club Stockbroker: Hey! Excuse me, hello? Where's my phone?
- Dan Humphrey: Hey, hey, let go of her.
- Club Stockbroker: Who the hell are you?
- Blair Waldorf: His phone is at our table. If you weren't so drunk and drooling over every girl in this place you would've seen that.
- Amanda: I'm gonna kill you!
- Blair Waldorf: Oh, you must be Amanda, right? Well, I would think twice before marrying him 'cause he's a pig.
- [Amanda lunges at Blair but Serena stops her]
- Serena van der Woodsen: Hey, hey, hey, back off of her, okay?
- Blair Waldorf: I don't need you to defend me.
- Jenny Humphrey: I wasn't even her who called you, it was me.
- Dan Humphrey: Jenny?
- Amanda: So she's the one with the tongue?
- Dan Humphrey: Tongue, tongue! What are you even doing here? You're supposed to be at a sleepover.
- Amanda: You made out with a girl from a sleepover?
- Dan Humphrey: You made out with him?
- Club Stockbroker: I made out with her.
- [looks at Blair]
- Blair Waldorf: Eww. It was a dare.
- Amanda: A dare? What are you, children?
- Dan Humphrey: Yeah, pretty much. She's 14.
- [looking at Jenny]
- Amanda, Club Stockbroker: 14!
- Club Stockbroker: Jesus, I swear, I had no idea, baby. I mean look at her, I mean she's jailbait.
- Dan Humphrey: What, what's that?
- Jenny Humphrey: Dan, stay out of it, okay? You're just causing more problems than you're solving.
- Dan Humphrey: The only thing causing a problem is the cocktail napkin you're wearing.
- Club Stockbroker: That's what I'm talkin' about!
- Blair Waldorf: What was that I heard? Eric's coming home? It's perfect timing.
- Serena van der Woodsen: How so?
- Blair Waldorf: Well, it gives your mother and brother time to bond alone tonight while you get drunk on schnapps and moon the NYU doors from the limo.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Blair, what are you talking about?
- Blair Waldorf: S, it's only the most important night of the fall.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Oh, the sleepover.
- Blair Waldorf: I prefer soiree. Sleepover is so sophomore year.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Look, you know I can't go to that, I have that plan.
- Blair Waldorf: Serena, when there's a Waldorf soiree, there's nothing else in the social calendar.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Blair, the plan is Dan. Remember the guy you realized who's actually a human being and worthy of your time and attention? No offense.
- [in reference to Jenny's brother]
- Jenny Humphrey: None taken.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Look, I'm really sorry but this date is unbreakable. Maybe we can swing by later or something...
- Blair Waldorf: I'm not a stop along the way I'm a destination and if you refuse to attend I'm gonna have to find a replacement. Girls, the waiting list...
- Serena van der Woodsen: Okay, um, well, I should get going.
- Blair Waldorf: Little Jenny Humphrey, why didn't I think of you before? You have no plans, you're coming to the soiree.
- Jenny Humphrey: Me, really?
- Kati Farkas, Isabel Coates: Her, really?
- Blair Waldorf: The thing is, if you come, you'll have to be up to a little more than just sleeping.
- Jenny Humphrey: I'm up for anything!
- Blair Waldorf: My place. Seven o'clock sharp.
- Jenny Humphrey: Okay, bye!
- Blair Waldorf: Oh, a girl's first sleepover. Something she'll never forget, let's make sure of it.
- Harper: Taking bets on how long she lasts.
- Maya: Fifty bucks says an hour and not one minute more.
- Blair Waldorf: Let's wrap this up, shall we. Truth or dare? Oh, and you already used your truth.
- Jenny Humphrey: So... dare?
- Blair Waldorf: I dare you to jailbreak Eric.
- Jenny Humphrey: Blair...
- Blair Waldorf: It's perfect. You want in and he wants out. What's it gonna be? Do or die, little J.
- Jenny Humphrey: Let's do it.
- Jenny Humphrey: Catch.
- [throws Blair her keys]
- Blair Waldorf: Jenny? Well, well, looks like you came to play after all. You know which trundle bed is yours. Sleep tight. You've earned it.
- Jenny Humphrey: Actually I'm going home, but thanks for inviting me. It was a blast.
- Blair Waldorf: What do you mean you're going home? Nobody ever leaves a sleepover.
- Jenny Humphrey: Well, I guess there's a first for everything. Oh, and I'm keeping the jacket, if that's okay with you. Monday lunch on the steps?
- Blair Waldorf: Done and done.
- Blair Waldorf: [pretending to be a drug addict while jailbreaking Eric] Okay, I have a problem, I have a big probleeem. Starts with the capital RX.
- Ostroff Nurse: What drugs have you been taking?
- Blair Waldorf: Hmmm, caffein, nicotin, ketamin, GHB, PCP, LSD, dry... diazepam, lorazepam? All the pams really, you know, I don't discriminate.
- Ostroff Nurse: Apparently not.
- [on the phone]
- Ostroff Nurse: Code yellow, floor six. Why don't you wait right here? I'll get a doctor.
- Blair Waldorf: [to Jenny, when she refuses to drink alcohol] It's a party, Jenny. You either swallow that or swipe your metro card back home.
- Club Stockbroker: [drunkenly] Hey, baby, do you want to, uh... maybe show me the bathroom, get lost somewhere around coat check?
- Blair Waldorf: Well, my answer is usually "never say never", but for you I'll make an exception.