Flight of the Conchords (TV Series)

New Fans (2007)

Bret McKenzie: Bret

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Quotes 

• Murray Hewitt : You can't just neglect your old fans like that. What happens when the new fans fly the coop? You'll end up like Zed-Zed Top.

  Bret : What are you talking about?

  Murray Hewitt : You know, Zed-Zed Top?

  Bret : Yeah.

  Murray Hewitt : They sang the song about the, the, uh, woman with the legs. Anyway, they grew big beards, their old fans didn't like it, their new fans didn't like them without the beards, and then they had a "Do we have a beard or not?" sit - situation.

• Murray Hewitt : And look at this.

  Bret : That's our bedroom.

  Murray Hewitt : Yep. That's a live webcam from your bedroom.

  Jemaine : What?

  Murray Hewitt : Fan base loves it. Actually, Jemaine, I've had a really good response from something that happened with you when you were alone with the webcam. Do you know what that would be?

  Jemaine : I didn't know we had a webcam.

  Murray Hewitt : Yeah, well, just, whatever you're doing, just be careful, all right?

  Jemaine : What are you implying?

  Murray Hewitt : Well, if I had a webcam above my bed, I - sometimes I might, you know, forget it's turned on.

  Jemaine : I didn't know we had a webcam!

  Bret : I think I might sleep in the lounge from now on.

  Murray Hewitt : Oh, OK. Well, here we go, there's the lounge.

• Bret : They want me in the threesome.

  Jemaine : What?

  Bret : Yeah.

  Jemaine : Well, that's not a threesome, that's a foursome.

  Bret : I don't know. I've never had a threesome.

  Jemaine : I don't want you in my threesome. You don't even know anything about threesomes.

  Bret : Have you ever had a threesome?

  Jemaine : Nearly.

  Bret : What do you mean "nearly"?

  Jemaine : I've had a twosome.

• Bret : [tripping on LSD]  Get out. I'm having an acid reflux.

• Murray Hewitt : So here you are - I bought you guys a beer.

  Bret : I don't even drink beer.

  Jemaine : I don't drink it either.

  Murray Hewitt : Well, just drink it, will you? It's good for the rock & roll image.

• Murray Hewitt : Now, what happened last night?

  Jemaine : Well, the new fans gave us illegal drugs and wanted to have a threesome with us.

  Murray Hewitt : Whoa, really?

  Jemaine : Mm.

  Murray Hewitt : That's pretty rock & roll!

  Bret : No, it was very awkward.

• Bret : Hey, Jemaine.

  Jemaine : Hmm?

  Bret : Last night, did you... look?

  Jemaine : We agreed never to talk about this.

• Bret : Mel, these scrambled eggs are terrific.

  Mel : Thank you, Bret.

  Rain : Yeah, thanks for the food. It's really nice.

  Mel : Thank you. Um, what was your name again?

  Rain : It's Rain.

  Mel : Oh, that's nice. Like, kind of like bad weather. I remember your name from the fan list. I check it regularly. Do you check it regularly?

  Rain : No.

  Mel : No? Do you not have a computer, or...

  Rain : No, I do have a computer.

  Mel : Oh, you can't read.