Jameela Jamil credited as playing...
Tahani Al-Jamil
- Tahani Al-Jamil: In 2007, Blake Lively invited me to a birthday party held for Leonardo DiCaprio aboard Paul Allen's mega-yacht.
- John Wheaton: I see we're dropping names three at a time now.
- Tahani Al-Jamil: The guest list was one hundred of the wealthiest, most famous members of the glitterati. Once aboard, I discovered there was a VIP deck. And within that area, there was an even more exclusive room that you could only access with a secret PIN, which I promptly entered. And guess who was waiting for me.
- John Wheaton: I hate to admit it, but I have to know. Who?
- Tahani Al-Jamil: No one. I was the only one there. The party raged on outside, but I was so obsessed with status that I never left. I spent the entire night talking to no one.
- John Wheaton: Riveting story. If only it were longer and sadder.
- Tahani Al-Jamil: The point is, if all you care about in the world is the velvet rope, you will always be unhappy, no matter which side you're on.
- Tahani Al-Jamil: The problem is, if all you care about in the world is the velvet rope, you will always be unhappy, no matter which side you're on.
- Tahani Al-Jamil: I had Janet build an exact replica of Victoria Beckham's ultra-exclusive private spa.
- John Wheaton: Posh's spa? The Posh Wash?
- Tahani Al-Jamil: It's the most coveted invitation in England. Membership is based on weight and net worth.
- John Wheaton: We want the VIP package.
- Tahani Al-Jamil: Oh, actually, we want the secret package for the people who complain and say they're not just any VIP.
- Janet: Oooh, the VVIP package.
- Tahani Al-Jamil: Prepare yourself. The VVIP package is so luxurious, it's the only thing that has ever made Mariah Carey say, "Oh, I don't nee all this!"