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- Earl McGraw: [regarding Stuntman Mike's impunity] I'm gonna' tell you like The LORD told John: If he ever does it again, I can be goddamn sure he don't ever do it again in Texas.
- [superfast cut to title card reading, "Lebanon... Tennessee... 14 Months Later" - title card cuts to Stuntman Mike, alive and well, driving a black 1969 Charger; "death-proofed," no doubt]
- Stuntman Mike: [Stuntman Mike and Pam are in his death-proof car, but Pam is in the passenger-seat which is in a crash-box] Well, Pam... Which way you going, left or right?
- Pam: [enthusiastic] Right!
- Stuntman Mike: Oh, that's too bad...
- [ominous sound effect]
- Pam: Why?
- Stuntman Mike: Because it was a 50-50 shot on whether you'd be going left or right. You see we're BOTH going left. You could have just as easily been going left, too. And if that was the case... It would have been a while before you started getting scared. But since you're going the other way, I'm afraid you're gonna have to start getting scared... immediately!
- Jungle Julia: [to Arlene] What part about "kinda cute, kinda hot, kinda sexy, hysterically funny, but not funny-looking guy who you COULD fuck" did you not understand?
- Stuntman Mike: [as he drives] Hey, Pam, remember when I said this car was death proof? Well, that wasn't a lie. This car is 100% death proof. Only to get the benefit of it, honey, you REALLY need to be sitting in my seat.
- [slams his boot to the brake and sends Pam flying face-first into the dashboard]
- Jungle Julia: Sorry, it was a one-time only offer and she did it earlier this evening at Anton's.
- Stuntman Mike: No, she didn't.
- Arlene: How do you know?
- Stuntman Mike: I'm good that way. And you look a little touchéd.
- Arlene: What's touchéd?
- Stuntman Mike: Wounded, slightly.
- Arlene: Why should I be wounded?
- Stuntman Mike: Because you expected guys to be pestering you all night, but from your look I can tell nobody pestered you at all. That kind of hurt your feelings a little bit, didn't it? There are few things as fetching as a bruised ego on a beautiful angel.
- Arlene: [Arlene smiles] Hmm.
- Stuntman Mike: [slowly] So, how about that lap dance?
- Arlene: I think I'm going to have to give you a rain check.
- Stuntman Mike: Well, since you'll be leaving in the next couple of days, that rain check will be worthless. But that's okay. I understand if I make you uncomfortable. You're still a nice girl, and I still like you. But I must warn you of something -- you know how people say...
- Stuntman Mike: [does an exaggerated John Wayne voice-impression] You're okay in my book, or In my book, that's no good?
- Stuntman Mike: [goes back to his regular voice] Well, I actually HAVE a book.
- Stuntman Mike: [he pulls out a little book from his back pocket] And everybody I ever meet goes in this book. And, now I've met you, YOU'RE going in the book! Except, I'm afraid I must file you... under... chicken shit.
- [shows the open book to her]
- Arlene: [grabbing the book from him] And what if I did it?
- Stuntman Mike: Well, I definitely couldn't file you under chicken shit then, now could I?
- Arlene: What's your name again?
- Stuntman Mike: [softly] Stuntman Mike.
- Arlene: Well, Stuntman Mike, I'm Butterfly. My friend Jungle Julia over here says that jukebox inside is pretty impressive.
- Stuntman Mike: Yeah, it is.
- Arlene: Yeah.
- Arlene: [she hands Stuntman Mike his book back] Why don't you get ready for your lapdance?
- Lee: Did you know Kim carried a gun?
- Abernathy: Yes. Now, do I approve? No. Do I know? Yes?
- Kim: Look, I don't know what futuristic utopia you live in, but the world I live in, a bitch need a gun.
- Abernathy: You can't get around the fact that people who carry guns, tend to get shot more than people who don't.
- Kim: And you can't get around the fact that if I go down to the laundry room in my building at midnight enough times, I might get my ass raped.
- Lee: Don't do your laundry at midnight.
- Kim: Fuck that! I wanna do my laundry whenever the fuck I wanna do my laundry.
- Abernathy: There are other things you can carry other than a gun. Pepper spray.
- Kim: Uh, motherfucker tryna rape me? I don't wanna give him skin rash! I wanna shut that nigga down!
- Abernathy: How about a knife at least?
- Kim: Yeah, you know what happens to motherfuckers carry knives? They get shot! Look, if I ever become a famous actress, I wont carry a gun. I'll hire me a do-dirt nigga, and he'll carry the gun. And when shit goes down, I'll sit back and laugh, but until that day, it's Wild West motherfucker!
- Pam: Why would someone who doesn't drink spend hours at a bar - drinking water?
- Stuntman Mike: You know, a bar offers all kind of things other than alcohol.
- Pam: Hmm. Really? Like what?
- Stuntman Mike: Women, nacho grande platters, the fellowships of some fascinating individuals like - Warren here. Alcohol is just a lubricant for all the individual encounters that a barroom offers.
- Pam: So what's your name, icy?
- Stuntman Mike: Stuntman Mike.
- Pam: Stuntman Mike's your name.
- Stuntman Mike: You ask anybody.
- Pam: Hey Warren. Who is this guy?
- Warren the Bartender: Stuntman Mike.
- Pam: And who the hell is Stuntman Mike?
- Warren the Bartender: He's a stuntman.
- Stuntman Mike: [handing Arlene and Jungle Julia beers] Cheers, Butterfly. The woods are lovely, dark, and deep. And I have promises to keep. Miles to go before I sleep. Did you hear me, Butterfly? Miles to go, before you sleep.
- Jungle Julia: Sorry, Stuntman Burt...
- Stuntman Mike: [angrily interrupting her] Mike.
- Jungle Julia: Mike. She already broke off that dance.
- Stuntman Mike: Is that true? Did I... miss my chance?
- [Arlene doesn't respond]
- Stuntman Mike: Do I frighten you?
- [Arlene silently nods]
- Stuntman Mike: Is it my scar?
- Arlene: It's your car.
- Stuntman Mike: Yeah, I know. Sorry, it's my mom's car.
- Arlene: Have you been following us?
- Stuntman Mike: No, but that's what I love about Austin - it's just so damn small.
- Jungle Julia: [to Arlene] You seen this guy before?
- Arlene: I saw him outside of Gueros.
- Stuntman Mike: I saw you outside of Gueros, too. You saw my car, I saw your legs. Now look, I ain't stalking you all, but I didn't say that I wasn't a wolf.
- Arlene: So you really weren't following us?
- Stuntman Mike: I'm not following you, Butterfly. I just... got lucky. So, how about that lap dance?
- Jungle Julia: [to Arlene] I think you got Mike laid tonight.
- [the two of them laugh]
- Jungle Julia: [to Stuntman Mike] Looking good, Cannonball Run!
- Pam: He's just giving me a ride.
- Jungle Julia: Oh, no doubt.
- Arlene: [waves to them] Have a nice ride.
- [they go back to laughing]
- Pam: Look, double-fucks...
- [she approaches them]
- Pam: ... I am not gonna fuck him!
- Stuntman Mike: [as he lights a cigarette] I can hear you!
- [Jungle Julia and Arlene laugh and Pam approaches even closer]
- Pam: He's old enough to be my da...
- Stuntman Mike: I can still hear you!
- [the girls go back to laughing]
- Pam: Bye!
- Jungle Julia: Bye-bye.
- Edgar McGraw: Did any of them survive?
- Earl McGraw: Shit. Two tons of metal, 200 miles an hour, flesh and bone and plain old Newton... they all princess died.
- Zoë: If he lets us take it out on our own, I want to play ship's mast.
- Kim: Oh HELL no! There ain't no way I'm doing ship's mast.
- Zoë: For Christ Sake's, Kim...
- Kim: Don't blaspheme!
- Zoë: Sorry...
- Kim: Now, what did you say after the last time?
- Zoë: I know what I said.
- Kim: What did you say?
- Zoë: I know I said we shouldn't do this again.
- Kim: No, you didn't say we shouldn't, you said we ain't EVER gonna do that again!
- Zoë: Yeah, but...
- Kim: But my ass! You said, not only are we never gonna play ship's mast again, but you also said, if you ever do what you're trying to do now, to not only refuse, but that I had permission to physically restrain your ass if necessary. Now, did you or did you not say that?
- Zoë: Well...
- Kim: No, no no no, answer the question mother fucker, did you or did you not say that?
- Zoë: Yes, I said that, however...
- Kim: Whatever with your however.
- Zoë: I know I said it, and I know I meant it.
- Kim: Damn skippy you meant it!
- Zoë: But when I said it, I didn't mean in America.
- Kim: Oh, nigga please!
- Zoë: Really, I meant we should never play ship's mast again in New Zealand or in Australia.
- Kim: You are such a liar!
- Zoë: Look, I know what I said when I said it. But when I said it, I didn't know I'd ever come to America. And when I said it, if had I known that I was gonna come to America and have the chance to play ship's mast on a fucking Vanishing Point Challenger, I would have added a however. Right?
- Kim: Okay, oddly enough, I actually understood that, however, just because you've talked yourself into some stupid shit, doesn't mean I'm out of my Goddamned mind. You need two people to play ship's mast, and I ain't playing.
- Kim: [a high-speed car chase. Kim is ramming her car into Stuntman Mike's car, directly in front of her.] Oh, you know I can't let you go without tapping that ass... one...
- Abernathy: Kim?
- Kim: ...more...
- Zoë: Uhmm, Kim?
- Kim: ...TIME!
- [both cars smash right through a dead-end guard rail and into a busy freeway.]
- Nate: [surprising her on the porch in front of the bar] I was thinking we can make out?
- Arlene: What, on a porch? Not even in the bar, but in front of the entrance? Forget it.
- Nate: No, in my car!
- [points to the parked cars in front of the bar]
- Arlene: What, out there? It's fucking 'Nam out there.
- [heavy rain in the background]
- Nate: Not in my car, it's not.
- [pause]
- Nate: Look, you won't get wet.
- [puts up an umbrella]
- Nate: I promise you.
- Arlene: [grins] You know, most guys wouldn't brag about that.
- Jungle Julia: What happened with you and Nate last night?
- Arlene: Not much. I mean, we just fucking met each other. If you don't bust their balls a little bit they're never gonna respect you.
- Jungle Julia: Okay, we're pretty clear on what it is you DIDN'T do, how about enlightening us on what you did do?
- Arlene: Nothing to write home about. We just made out on the couch for about twenty minutes.
- Shanna: Dressed, half dressed or naked?
- Arlene: Dressed. I said we made out. We didn't do "the thing".
- Jungle Julia: Excuse me for living, but what is "the thing"?
- Arlene: You know, it's everything but.
- Shanna: They call it "the thing"?
- Arlene: I call it the thing.
- Shanna: Do guys like the thing?
- Arlene: They like it better than no thing.
- Lee: [to Zoë] I'm sorry, but what is "home"? Is that Australia, right?
- Zoë: [seemingly offended] What do you mean by that, mate?
- Abernathy: Zoë's from New Zealand. And you never, I repeat, NEVER, call a Kiwi an Aussie.
- Kim: [pretending to be dead serious] Not unless you wanna get your ass kicked.
- Lee: [scared to death, apologizes profusely] I'm so sorry, I really am.
- Zoë: [Abby, Zoë and Kim laugh] We're just taking the piss out of you, mate!
- [Lee is totally relieved.]
- Pam: [talking about Mike's car] Are you sure it's safe?
- Stuntman Mike: It's better than safe. It's death proof.
- Earl McGraw: [regarding Stuntman Mike's impunity] I'm gonna' tell you like The LORD told John: If he ever does it again, I can be goddamn sure he don't ever do it again in Texas.
- [superfast cut to title card reading, "Lebanon... Tennessee... 14 Months Later" - title card cuts to Stuntman Mike, alive and well, driving a black 1969 Charger; "death-proofed," no doubt]
- Arlene: Who do you want to hear?
- Jungle Julia: Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Tich.
- Arlene: Who?
- Jungle Julia: Dave, Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick and Tich.
- Arlene: Who the fuck are they?
- Jungle Julia: For your information, Pete Townshend, at one point, almost quit The Who. And if he had, he would have ended up in this group, thus making it Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick, Tich and Pete. And if you ask me, he should have.
- [flips on the radio to hear "Hold Tight" by Dave, Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich]
- Jungle Julia: That's my boy!
- Stuntman Mike: [screams from his car] I'm sorry!
- Kim: What?
- Stuntman Mike: I didn't mean to, I was just... playing around!
- Zoë: Oooh, he was playing around...
- Kim: BUT I AIN'T PLAYING WITH YOU!
- [hits Stuntman Mike's car]
- Stuntman Mike: [in his death-proof car, the driver-side window is gone] Be careful, my arm is broken!
- Kim: [roughly grabs Stuntman Mike's broken arm] Oh, THIS one?
- Stuntman Mike: OWWWWWW!
- Jasper: Why's she dressed like that?
- Abernathy: Well, you see, we're making a Hollywood movie in town, and it's a cheerleading movie and she's one of the cheerleaders.
- Jasper: What's a cheerleader movie?
- Abernathy: A movie about cheerleaders.
- Jasper: Is it a porno movie?
- Abernathy: Yes, it is, but don't mention it. She's shy.
- Waitress at Guero's: Okay! Warren is sending over shots... And you know the house rule: if he sends over shots, you gotta do them!
- Arlene: Why?
- Jungle Julia: Hey! There is the rule baby: Warren says it, we do it!
- Warren the Bartender: I love that philosophy: Warren says it, we do it! So let's do it!
- Arlene: What is it?
- Warren the Bartender: Hey! Shot first, questions later. Here we go, post-time! Hum!
- Jungle Julia: Wouhou!
- Warren the Bartender: Is that a tasty beverage or is that a tasty be-ve-rage?
- Arlene: What the fuck is it?
- Warren the Bartender: Chartreuse! The only liquor so good they named a color after it!
- Dov: So is it Shawna and the girls at lake house this weekend?
- Shanna: Shawna?
- Dov: Awww fuck, I didn...
- Shanna: No. Now there is one thing every girl in the whole world whose name is Shanna has in common with each other - we all hate the name Shawna. And we really hate when people call us Shawna. Remember it's Shanna banana not Shawna banawna.
- Juana: [in the bar] So, how'd you become a stuntman?
- Stuntman Mike: I learned it from my brother.
- Juana: And who's he?
- Stuntman Mike: Stuntman Bob.
- Shanna: [Shanna and her girlfriends are in a car] Remember: no hookin' up tonight. You can hang with 'em, you can make out with 'em, but no hookin' up with 'em, because we are driving to Lake LBJ tonight, and my daddy's pretty clear on one thing. He said "Ah am lettin' you and your GIRLFRIENDS stay at my lake-house. Not you and some horny boys tryin' to get their fuck on with my daughter."
- Arlene: Your dad talks like that?
- Shanna: Hell, yeah! And it's not like he ain't gonna know, either, because when I'm staying at the lake-house with my girlfriends in our bikinis, Daddy just has a tendency to pop up and make sure we don't need anything. Look, he's totally harmless and cute as a bug's ear! But you know, when he's got a bunch of half-naked poontang walking the floor of his lake-house, he just likes to pay us a visit and make sure we got everything we need. And if you flirt shamelessly with him, like the 6-foot baby giraffe in the back-seat, you got a puppy-dog for life.
- Stuntman Mike: [about Jungle Julia] What did she ever do to you?
- Pam: We went to school together from kindergarten through high school. That's what she did to me. She was her height right now at 12. She was a monster. Half the guys she still fucks from my old class she used to beat up and terrorize in the fifth grade.
- Stuntman Mike: I see and she used to beat you up and take your chocolate milk, huh?
- Pam: That pituitary case? Might have kicked my ass a couple of times - sorry, I'm built like a girl not a black man - but I'd die before I ever gave Julia Lucai my chocolate milk.
- Shanna: Okay, mean girl in a high school movie. You through havin' a tantrum?
- Jungle Julia: I'm not havin' a tantrum.
- Shanna: Yes you are! You've been in the car all of two seconds and you're already cursin' at me.
- Jungle Julia: I am not cursin' at you.
- Shanna: You said: Jesus Christ, Shanna. And then before the sentence was over you threw a fuckin' in there to emphasize your irritatedness.
- Pam: Hey, Warren! Is there anybody in this place you could vouch for to give me a ride home?
- Stuntman Mike: [tosses his keys across the bar] Fair lady, your chariot awaits.
- Dov: Dude, as long as a guy's buyin' the booze, a fuckin' bitch'll drink anything. C'mon, we can at least get one shot of Jager down these fucking bitches' throats. After that, we'll see if they get another Jager shot in them. You never know. That could be the shot that puts them past the point of "fuck it."
- Omar: Then all of a sudden "no guys at the lake house" turns into a couple of guys at the lake house.
- Dov: My point exactly. And I know I can at least get Shanna "Suck My" Banana to do a fucking Buttery Nipple shot. What's Julia's sweet shot?
- Omar: ...Key Lime Pie.
- Dov: Oh come on dude, even fucking Leroy Brown would do one more for dessert.
- Lee: [Zoe asks Kim if she still has her gun] You carry a gun?
- Kim: Hell yeah.
- Lee: Well... do you have a license to carry that?
- Kim: [Zoe laughs quietly] Uh, yeah... they gave it to me after I became a Secret Service Agent...
- Lee: Oh, I didn't know that -
- [Zoe laughs some more]
- Lee: [Lee turns to Abernathy] Did you know that she carried a gun?
- Abernathy: Yes. Now, do I approve? No. But, do I know? Yes.
- Kim: Well, look, I don't know what futuristic utopia you live in, but where I live, a bitch need a gun! If I go down at midnight to do my laundry, I might get my ass raped!
- Lee: [the girls laugh] Don't do your laundry at midnight, then.
- Kim: Fuck that! I'll do my fucking laundry whenever the fuck I wanna do my laundry!
- Jungle Julia: For your information, skinny bitch, black men and a whole lot of motherfuckin' white men have had plenty fun adoring my ass. I don't wear their teeth marks on my butt for nothin'.
- Zoë: So let's hear it ladies. Set romances, who's gettin' it off?
- Kim: That would be Lee and Toolbox.
- Zoë: Oh, Toolbox. Name sounds promising.
- Abernathy: He's a grip.
- Lee: What he is, is a pervert.
- Zoë: Wow, he just keeps sounding better and better. What's his perversion?
- Lee: He likes to watch me pee.
- Kim: Lee is sittin' on a toilet and Toolbox is watching her pee, P-I-S-S-I-N-G. Haha! Yeah, but not anymore, now she's getting it on with the rock.
- Zoë: You're having one off with The Rock?
- Lee: Yeah, but not the real Rock. He's this electrician named Bruce, and Kim started calling him The Rock because he looks like The Rock, so we all just started calling him the Rock.
- Kim: Oh yeah, this is an all star crew, we got a guy that looks like Nick Cage, and a guy that looks like Pee Wee Herman too.
- Zoë: Kim, dick department, let's hear it!
- Kim: No dick this trip. I got a man.
- Zoë: How long have you had this boyfriend for?
- Kim: Three months.
- Zoë: Who'd you steal him from?
- Abernathy: Kim, he totally had a girlfriend.
- Zoë: All of Kim's boyfriends start out as someone else's boyfriend.
- Kim: I didn't steal him, I didn't steal any of them, they all just... jumped ship.
- Abernathy: Zoe, Kim and I were in the Philippines at an outdoor rave.
- Lee: What were you working on?
- Kim: Three Kicks to the Head Part Three
- Abernathy: And admittedly, we're a little fucked up.
- Zoë: Cheers to that.
- Abernathy: So Zoe, the genius wants to take a picture of me, now it's dark, and you can't see shit. So she's got her camera and keeps saying "Step back a little" so I do, "A little further!" so I step back a little further. "A little more!" so I do. Then I realized, I'm right at the edge of a seven foot concrete ditch with god knows how many rocks and broken bottles and rats in it, and if I fell in that fucking thing, I would have probably broken my fucking neck. So I'm yelling at her, "Zoe, you almost killed me!" so we laugh about it, walk a little further, and Zoe starts fucking around, and bam, if she doesn't fall in the fucking ditch.
- Zoë: I remember taking a step, looking down, just as I'm thinking "Oh, there's that ditch everyone was talking about!" bam, I'm in the fucking ditch, you know?
- Lee: So what happened?
- Abernathy: What, with Zoe the cat? Nothing. If I fell in that fucking thing, they would have had to helicopter me out of there. Zoe just lands on her fucking feet. But then later, I started feeling a little down about myself. I mean, Zoe falls in the ditch and it's nothing, we're laughing about it. If I fell in that fucking thing, I probably would have been fucking paralyzed.
- Lee: Oh, well you can't think like that. You know, we all have our individual talents, and that just happens to be one of Zoe's.
- Kim: Well, physically speaking, Zoe is amazing. I mean, agility, reflexes, nimbleness, there's few human beings who could fuck with Zoe on that front.
- Zoë: Aw, Kim, I like you too.
- Kim: Having said that, before you get too envious of Zoe's prowess, you're missing the most important part of that story. You didn't fall in the ditch, Zoe did. Zoe even knew there was a ditch there because you told her and she still fell in it. So, Lee's right, we all have our talents.
- Zoë: Hey, I resemble that remark.
- Zoë: So, we're gonna see if this guy is gonna let us take the car out without him, if he does, you wait here with Lee, and we'll be back in a moment.
- Abernathy: What?
- Zoë: I said, we're going to see if this guy lets us take the car out without him...
- Abernathy: I heard what you said. I just can't believe what you said. You know, you two got some fucking balls.
- Zoë: What?
- Abernathy: Don't play dumbass with me. I've been up all night, I'm still a little drunk, and I have a hangover. I should be in my hotel room asleep, not fucking around on Tobacco Road, but because Zoe wanted to drive some fucking Vanishing Point car, I'm here. Now you two got the balls to ask me, no, scratch that, tell me I gotta go make conversation with Tom Joad while the cool kids get to go out and play? Bullshit on that!
- Kim: It ain't like that.
- Abernathy: Then what's it like, Kim?
- Zoë: You guys are our collateral. He's never gonna go for it if we all go.
- Abernathy: I really think one human being will be collateral enough.
- Zoë: You're not gonna wanna do what we're doing.
- Abernathy: What, drive a car?
- Zoë: We're doing more than that.
- Abernathy: What, drive it fast?
- Zoë: We're doing more than that.
- Kim: Actually, we're paying you a compliment because we're gonna do some stupid shit. But that's okay, we're stuntmen, we ain't got good sense, but you, you got good sense, and anybody that got good sense ain't gonna wanna do what we're doing.
- Abernathy: How do you know I don't wanna do it?
- Zoë: Because you're a mum.
- Abernathy: You know we're supposed to be this big posse, but that's the excuse that you guys use whenever you want to exclude me from something. So, what is it that you two daredevils are doing that I'm just so uncool I couldn't possibly understand?
- Zoë: Well, we're kind of conning this guy. So maybe it's best if we don't go into detail about it while he's watching us. Besides, he's probably not gonna let us do it anyway.
- Abernathy: Okay, how about this? I talk him into it. But if I talk him into it, I go along.
- Kim: How you gonna do that?
- Abernathy: That's my problem. But don't worry, he'll say yes.
- Zoë: What're you gonna do, blow him?
- Abernathy: No! I'm going to insinuate that Lee's going to blow him.
- Pam: So what's your name Icy?
- Stuntman Mike: Stuntman Mike.
- Pam: Stuntman Mike's your name?
- Stuntman Mike: You ask anybody.
- Pam: Hey Warren. Who is this guy?
- Warren the Bartender: Stuntman Mike.
- Pam: And who the hell is Stuntman Mike?
- Warren the Bartender: He's a stuntman.
- Stuntman Mike: [after getting shot by Zoe and speeding off. He drives to a remote road, and observes his wound in his arm in pain] AAAAHHHH!
- Stuntman Mike: AHHH, GOD! No! No, no, no!
- Stuntman Mike: [Tries touching the wound] AAHHHHHH! No, God!
- Stuntman Mike: [Pulls a whiskey bottle out of his glove compartment, and tries to open it with his teeth] Ah, come on! Come on!
- Stuntman Mike: [Drinks the whiskey, then pours it on his arm] AAAAAAAAHHHHHH! God! AAHH! No, no! No, God!
- [Calms down]
- Stuntman Mike: Okay, get it together man...! Come on, what are you? What're you gonna do...? God...!
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What is the streaming release date of Death Proof (2007) in the United States?
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