Argo (2012)

John Goodman: John Chambers

Photos 

Quotes 

• John Chambers : [referring to a monster movie he's filming]  Target audience will hate it.

  Tony Mendez : Who's the target audience?

  John Chambers : People with eyes.

• First A.D. : He says the Minotaur prosthetic is too tight, so he can't act.

  John Chambers : If he could act, he wouldn't be playing the Minotaur.

• John Chambers : [after hearing plan to exfiltrate the house guests]  So you want to come to Hollywood and act like a big shot...

  Tony Mendez : Yeah.

  John Chambers : ...without actually doing anything?

  Tony Mendez : No.

  John Chambers : You'll fit right in.

  [smiles] 

• John Chambers : If you're gonna do a $20 million "Star Wars" rip-off, you need somebody who's a somebody to put their name on it. Somebody respectable. With credits. Who you can trust with classified information. Who'll produce a fake movie. For free.

• Nina : Lester?

  Lester Siegel : Nina, you look fabulous. You're doing the reading?

  Nina : I'm playing Circe, the Galactic Witch.

  Lester Siegel : Great. I'll call you.

  [walking away from Nina, talks to John] 

  Lester Siegel : Keep that fucking space witch away from me.

  John Chambers : You know her?

  Lester Siegel : I was married to her.

• Tony Mendez : We got an office, we got business cards, we got a poster. If I'm the Revolutionary Guard, that's nothing we couldn't have made at home. Six people's lives depend on this. It's not enough. If we're gonna fool these people, it has to be big. And it has to have something that says it's authentic.

  John Chambers : I did a movie with Rock Hudson one time. If you wanna sell a lie...

  Lester Siegel : You get the press to sell it for you.

• Lester Siegel : We made history today. "History starts out as farce and ends up as tragedy."

  John Chambers : Quote's the other way around.

  Lester Siegel : Yeah? Who said it?

  John Chambers : Marx.

  Lester Siegel : Groucho said that?

• Tony Mendez : [reading a script]  Fade in on a starship landing. An exotic, Middle Eastern vibe. Women gather, offering ecstatic libations to the sky gods. Argo. A science-fantasy adventure.

  Lester Siegel : [reluctantly]  It's in turnaround. It's dog shit.

  Tony Mendez : It's a space movie in the Middle East. Does it matter?

  John Chambers : [to Lester]  Can we get the option?

  Tony Mendez : [confused]  Why do we need the option?

  Lester Siegel : You're worried about the Ayatollah? Try the WGA.

• John Chambers : Hmm, let's see... Well, this one's got an M.A. in English. She should be your screenwriter. Sometimes they go along on scouts 'cause, they want the free meals. Here's your director.

  Tony Mendez : Can you teach somebody to be a director in a day?

  John Chambers : You can teach a rhesus monkey to be a director in a day.

• John Chambers : [watching the Iranian demonstrators on TV]  You ever think, Lester, how this is all for the cameras?

  Lester Siegel : Well, they're getting the ratings, I'll say that for them.

• John Chambers : Talk to me.

  Tony Mendez : It's an exfil.

  John Chambers : From where?

  Tony Mendez : The worst place you can think of.

  John Chambers : Universal City.

  [Tony hands John an issue of "Time" magazine, with illustrations of the Iranian hostages on the cover] 

  John Chambers : How are you going to get into the embassy?

  Tony Mendez : They're not in the embassy. During the takeover, six people escaped. They're hiding out in Tehran. That's who I'm gonna go get.

• John Chambers : Look, if you're gonna this, you gotta do it. The Kho-maniacs are Froot Loops, but they got cousins who sell prayer rugs and eight-tracks on La Brea. You can't build cover stories around a movie that doesn't exist. You need a script, you need a producer.

  Tony Mendez : Make me a producer.

  John Chambers : No. You're an associate producer, at best.

• Tony Mendez : I need you to help me make a fake movie.

  John Chambers : [smiling]  You came to the right place.

• Lester Siegel : Hi, I only got a couple of minutes, I'm getting a lifetime achievement award.

  John Chambers : Mazel tov, Lester.

  Lester Siegel : I'd rather stay home and count the wrinkles on my dog's balls.

• Guard : Hello, can I speak to Mr Hawkins, please?

  John Chambers : I'm sorry he's out of the country on a location scout. Can I take a message?

  Guard : [Hangs up] 

• John Chambers : It doesn't matter - it's a fake movie.

  Lester Siegel : If I'm doin' a fake movie, it's gonna be a fake hit.

• John Chambers : I did a movie with Rock Hudson one time. If you wanna sell a lie...

  Lester Siegel : Get the press to sell it for you.

• Tony Mendez : You can teach somebody to be a director in a day?

  John Chambers : You can teach a rhesus monkey to be a director in a day.