Argo (2012)

Ben Affleck: Tony Mendez

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Quotes 

• John Chambers : [referring to a monster movie he's filming]  Target audience will hate it.

  Tony Mendez : Who's the target audience?

  John Chambers : People with eyes.

• Lester Siegel : Okay, you got 6 people hiding out in a town of what, 4 million people, all of whom chant "death to America" all the livelong day. You want to set up a movie in a week. You want to lie to Hollywood, a town where everybody lies for a living. Then you're gonna sneak 007 over here into a country that wants CIA blood on their breakfast cereal, and you're gonna walk the Brady Bunch out of the most watched city in the world.

  Tony Mendez : Past about a hundred militia at the airport. That's right.

  Lester Siegel : Right...

  [sighs] 

  Lester Siegel : Look, I, I gotta tell ya. W-We did suicide missions in the army that had better odds than this.

• Joe Stafford : You really believe your little story's gonna make a difference when there's a gun to our heads?

  Tony Mendez : I think my story's the only thing between you and a gun to your head.

• Tony Mendez : You really know Warren Beatty?

  Lester Siegel : Yes, I do. I took a leak next to him once at the Golden Globes.

• John Chambers : [after hearing plan to exfiltrate the house guests]  So you want to come to Hollywood and act like a big shot...

  Tony Mendez : Yeah.

  John Chambers : ...without actually doing anything?

  Tony Mendez : No.

  John Chambers : You'll fit right in.

  [smiles] 

• Jack O'Donnell : Carter said you were a great American.

  Tony Mendez : A great American what?

  Jack O'Donnell : He didn't say.

• Lester Siegel , Tony Mendez : [on the phone]  So I'm sitting in Jerry's this morning, having breakfast, a waitress comes over to me, she's waving a newspaper and she says, 'You see what those Canadians pulled off? Why can't we do something like that?' And I said to her, you know what I said?

  Tony Mendez : No, what?

  Lester Siegel : 'Argo fuck yourself!'

• Jack O'Donnell : If we wanted applause, we would have joined the circus.

  Tony Mendez : I thought we did.

• Tony Mendez : We got an office, we got business cards, we got a poster. If I'm the Revolutionary Guard, that's nothing we couldn't have made at home. Six people's lives depend on this. It's not enough. If we're gonna fool these people, it has to be big. And it has to have something that says it's authentic.

  John Chambers : I did a movie with Rock Hudson one time. If you wanna sell a lie...

  Lester Siegel : You get the press to sell it for you.

• Tony Mendez : There are only bad options. It's about finding the best one.

  C.I.A Director Stansfield Turner : You don't have a better bad idea than this?

  Jack O'Donnell : This is the best bad idea we have, sir... by far.

  C.I.A Director Stansfield Turner : [pauses to make decision]  The United States government has just sanctioned your science fiction movie.

• Tony Mendez : [quizzing the house guests about their cover identities]  You. Where was your passport issued?

  Bob Anders : Vancouver.

  Tony Mendez : Where were you born?

  Bob Anders : Toronto.

  Tony Mendez : [correcting him]  "Torono". Canadians don't pronounce the "t".

  Lee Schatz : Some Komiteh guard is actually gonna know that?

  Tony Mendez : If you're detained for questioning, they will bring in someone who knows that, yes.

• Tony Mendez : Mike, if I were to say you were looking through the wrong end of that viewfinder, would I be right?

  [Lee casually turns the viewfinder around] 

  Lee Schatz : Yup.

• Tony Mendez : Sir, exfils are like abortions. You don't wanna need one. But when you do, you don't do it yourself.

• Tony Mendez : [reading a script]  Fade in on a starship landing. An exotic, Middle Eastern vibe. Women gather, offering ecstatic libations to the sky gods. Argo. A science-fantasy adventure.

  Lester Siegel : [reluctantly]  It's in turnaround. It's dog shit.

  Tony Mendez : It's a space movie in the Middle East. Does it matter?

  John Chambers : [to Lester]  Can we get the option?

  Tony Mendez : [confused]  Why do we need the option?

  Lester Siegel : You're worried about the Ayatollah? Try the WGA.

• Jack O'Donnell : [dropping Tony off at the airport]  I'm required to remind you that if you're detained, the Agency will not claim you.

  Tony Mendez : They barely claim me as it is.

• John Chambers : Hmm, let's see... Well, this one's got an M.A. in English. She should be your screenwriter. Sometimes they go along on scouts 'cause, they want the free meals. Here's your director.

  Tony Mendez : Can you teach somebody to be a director in a day?

  John Chambers : You can teach a rhesus monkey to be a director in a day.

• Tony Mendez : This is what I do. I get people out. And I've never left anyone behind.

  Joe Stafford : I wish I could believe you, Mr. Harkins.

  Tony Mendez : My name is Tony Mendez. I'm from New York. My father worked construction. My mother teaches elementary school. I have a wife and a ten-year-old son. You play along with me today and I promise you, I will get you out tomorrow.

• Tony Mendez : If we're caught, you and Pat go on trial for harboring the enemy. You know that, right?

  Ken Taylor : Pat and I have discussed it. It's the risk we took.

• Tony Mendez : The only way this works is if you believe that you're these people so much that you dream like them.

• John Chambers : Talk to me.

  Tony Mendez : It's an exfil.

  John Chambers : From where?

  Tony Mendez : The worst place you can think of.

  John Chambers : Universal City.

  [Tony hands John an issue of "Time" magazine, with illustrations of the Iranian hostages on the cover] 

  John Chambers : How are you going to get into the embassy?

  Tony Mendez : They're not in the embassy. During the takeover, six people escaped. They're hiding out in Tehran. That's who I'm gonna go get.

• Tony Mendez : You got any kids, Lester?

  Lester Siegel : Yeah, I have two daughters.

  Tony Mendez : See 'em much?

  Lester Siegel : I talk to 'em once a year... maybe.

  Tony Mendez : Why's that?

  Lester Siegel : [shrugs]  I was a terrible father... The bullshit business... it's like coal mining. Y-Y-Ya come home to your wife and kids, ya can't, ya can't wash it off.

• John Chambers : Look, if you're gonna this, you gotta do it. The Kho-maniacs are Froot Loops, but they got cousins who sell prayer rugs and eight-tracks on La Brea. You can't build cover stories around a movie that doesn't exist. You need a script, you need a producer.

  Tony Mendez : Make me a producer.

  John Chambers : No. You're an associate producer, at best.

• Bob Anders : [as Mendez proposes plan to exfiltrate the house guests]  We can't hold up under that. We don't know what the hell movie people do.

  Tony Mendez : That's why I'm here. I'm gonna help you. I'll be with you the whole way. This is what I do.

  Cora Lijek : Have you gotten people out this way before?

  Tony Mendez : This would be a first.

• Cyrus Vance : What's wrong with bikes, again?

  Jack O'Donnell : We tried to get the message upstairs, sir.

  C.I.A Director Stansfield Turner : You think this is more plausible than teachers?

  Jack O'Donnell : Yes, we do. One, there are no more foreign teachers in Iran.

  Tony Mendez : And we think everybody knows Hollywood people. And everybody knows they'd shoot in Stalingrad with Pol Pot directing if it would sell tickets.

• Tony Mendez : I need you to help me make a fake movie.

  John Chambers : [smiling]  You came to the right place.

• Tony Mendez : What about the White House?

  Jack O'Donnell : Carter's shitting enough bricks to build the pyramids.

• Tony Mendez : [shooting down exfiltration ideas]  Sir, if these people can read or add, pretty soon they're gonna figure out they're six short of a full deck. It's winter. You can't afford to wait around till spring so it's nice enough to take a bike ride. The only way out of that city is the airport. We build new cover identities for them, you send in a Moses, he takes them out on a commercial flight.

• Tony Mendez : Okay, you know those science fiction movies? "Star Trek", "Star Wars". They need an exotic location to shoot. Moonscape, Mars, desert, you know. Now, imagine this: they're a Canadian film crew on a location scout for a science fiction movie. We put it out there - the Canadian producers put out there - that we're looking at Egypt, Istanbul. Then we go to the consulate and say "Hey, we wanna look at Iran, too." I fly into Tehran, we all fly out together as a film crew. Done.

  David Marmor : Flamboyant cover identities should be avoided, as it increases operational visibility.

  Tony Mendez : This is a lot more plausible than foreigners who wanna go be teachers in Iran.

  Bates : You wanna blend in with the population, you don't look like a rodeo clown.

  Adam Engell : Just gonna wake up tomorrow morning and be in the movie business? We already have credentials for the teachers.

  Tony Mendez : No, sir, we have a contact in L.A.

  Jack O'Donnell : Chambers.

  Tony Mendez : John Chambers. He's a Hollywood prosthetics guy. He's got an Oscar, he did "Planet of the Apes", and he's done a bunch of contract work for us in the past. I go see him, he sets us up. One, two days, make it look real.

• Tony Mendez : We are responsible for these people.

  Jack O'Donnell : What we are is required to follow orders.

• Ken Taylor : [meeting Tony]  I was expecting more of a G-man look.

  Tony Mendez : I think you're thinking of the FBI, sir.

• Tony Mendez : I should've brought some books to read in prison.

  Jack O'Donnell : Naw, they'll kill you long before prison.

• Lester Siegel : [Tony finds the "Argo" screenplay]  It's a turnaround. It's dog shit.

  Tony Mendez : It's a space movie in the Middle East. Does it matter?

• Tony Mendez : [after quizzing the house guests on their fake bios and one of them paused]  Shoot him, he's an American spy!

• Ticket Clerk : I'm sorry, I can't find your ticket.

  Tony Mendez : [calmly]  Thank you. Could you check again?

• Tony Mendez : Sir, do you have this newspaper in front of you? Would you mind taking a look at it? What's in this picture?

  Robert Pender : Tehran.

  Tony Mendez : Right. What's on the ground?

  Robert Pender : Snow.

  Tony Mendez : Right. So what crops are the do-gooders inspecting under Frosty?

• Tony Mendez : "The Minister of Culture and Guidance has approved your location scout. He will send his representative to meet you and your crew at the Khayyam entrance to the Grand Bazaar tomorrow at 3 p.m."

  Jack O'Donnell : They called your bluff.

  Tony Mendez : Maybe they're cooperating.

  Jack O'Donnell : Absolutely not. Seven Americans walking the bazaar is asking for a riot. It's the hive.

  Tony Mendez : Seven Canadians, Jack.

  Jack O'Donnell : Never give them multiple shots at a cover. Are they even ready?

  Tony Mendez : They're getting there.

  Jack O'Donnell : There's no prize for most improved.

  Tony Mendez : I don't have a choice. We say no, they show up at the residence and drag everyone out at gunpoint. How well do you think their covers are gonna hold up while they're getting their fingernails pulled out?

• Tony Mendez : [the op has been scrapped and he's been ordered to return home]  So you know.

  Ken Taylor : Extaff wants you to burn the passports before you leave. If we tell them now, they'll panic. I think it's best if you just don't show. It was always a fucked mission. You came closer than anybody else.

• Tony Mendez : I need another week, Jack.

  Jack O'Donnell : You don't have it.

• Tony Mendez : [briefing the houseguests about the exfil]  First time anyone's gonna ask you a question is at the first checkpoint. The first checkpoint is just to get a look at your passports. Passports came straight from Ottawa last week. They're clean. The second checkpoint... is immigration. You're each gonna hand them one of these. It says that you landed in the country two days ago. They'll look for the matching white one, which doesn't exist. You'll say you don't know what happened. And if you believe they lost the white slip, they'll believe it, too. The third checkpoint is the trap. It's manned by the Revolutionary Guard. Most of them were educated in the U.S. and Europe. And all of whom are looking for Americans.

• Jack O'Donnell : His eminence called me. He wants to see you.

  Tony Mendez : Probably wants to fire me himself.

  Jack O'Donnell : He wants to give you the Intelligence Star. You're getting the highest award of merit of the clandestine services of these United States. Ceremony's on the 14th.

  Tony Mendez : If they push it a week, I can bring Ian. That's his winter break.

  Jack O'Donnell : The op was classified, so the ceremony's classified. He can't know about it. Nobody can know about it.

  Tony Mendez : So they're just gonna give me an award and then they're gonna take it back.

  Jack O'Donnell : That's right.

• Tony Mendez : I'm asking you to trust me.

  Joe Stafford : I don't trust you.

• Tony Mendez : There are only bad options. It's about finding the best one.

  C.I.A Director Stansfield Turner : You don't have a better bad idea than this?

  Jack O'Donnell : This is the best bad idea we have, sir, by far.

  C.I.A Director Stansfield Turner : The United States government has just sanctioned a science-fiction movie.

• [at the CIA - O'Donnell is on the phone with Mendez in Iran] 

  Jack O'Donnell : It all just changed. They called the game. You've got to come back. Joint Chiefs are planning a military rescue of the hostages in a month. Delta Force started training to storm the grounds. So if the six of them get brought down there, they won't be held for long.

  Tony Mendez : I never would have exposed them if I wasn't authorized to take them out.

  Jack O'Donnell : It's over, Tony.

  Tony Mendez : They will be taken. Probably not alive.

  Jack O'Donnell : Listen to me. The thinking's changed. Six Americans get pulled out of a Canadian diplomat's house and executed, it's a world outrage. Six Americans get caught playing movie make-believe with the CIA at the airport and executed, it's a national embarrassment. They're calling the operation.

  Tony Mendez : We're responsible for those people.

  Jack O'Donnell : What we are is required to follow orders. I'm sorry.

  [Mendez hangs up. O'Donnell sits listening to the dial tone for a moment, then puts the phone on the receiver. Then, very suddenly, he looks at an old coffee cup near him and backhands it off his desk] 

• Iranian Consulate Official : Why didn't you get your visa in Canada?

  Tony Mendez : I would've loved to except my boss didn't send a telex till I got here. Guy had an intelligent thought in his head it would die of loneliness.

• [extended version] 

  Christine Mendez : [referring to their son]  You know, we're having his birthday party at a bowling alley.

  [chuckles] 

  Christine Mendez : So... you should come.

  Tony Mendez : When is it?

  Christine Mendez : On his birthday.

  Tony Mendez : I see. Nice choice.

• [last lines] 

  Tony Mendez : [to his wife, on the doorstep of his home after his return from Iran]  Can I come in?

• OSS Officer Nicholls : The Shah escaped in a 747 so laden with gold bars, it nearly didn't make it off the runway.

  Tony Mendez : But you kept busy.

  OSS Officer Nicholls : Ferrying out the torture apparatus of our friend's fallen dictatorship. It's getting worse. Everyone who lands at Mehrabad now fills in one of these. That slip makes a copy to the one underneath. Passenger keeps yellow, airport keeps white. When you leave the country, they match them up to verify you came into the country when you say you did.

  Tony Mendez : So if they look, they'll see I didn't come into the country with six people.

  OSS Officer Nicholls : If they look.

• Tony Mendez : You can teach somebody to be a director in a day?

  John Chambers : You can teach a rhesus monkey to be a director in a day.

• Tony Mendez : Can I come in?