- Pez: [sitting on a couch covered in plastic] What's with all this plastic?
- Adrian Monk: That couch is... what's the word? Mine.
- Natalie Teeger: Something's not right. I don't trust them.
- Adrian Monk: Why not?
- Natalie Teeger: Because they're guys, teenage guys.
- Adrian Monk: So, that automatically means they're lying?
- Natalie Teeger: Yes, it does.
- Lt. Randall Disher: Can't you just say I had a hunch?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: It's an official report. You had to pee. That's what goes in the report.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [Disher has won free soft drinks and is drinking one] What is that? Number three?
- Lt. Randall Disher: It's four. I used to pay $3.50 for these.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: And you're still single. Go figure.
- Troy Kroger: [to Monk] Listen. Thanks a lot, man. Everything my dad said about you is totally true. Not just the weird stuff.