For someone that suffers from the same sexual issue as Kumi, I was nervous and excited to start watching this series. The issue (vaginismus) is so badly misrepresented, if at all, and as I can see from other reviews, no one really understands how complicated it is. Was the series slow? For some yes, for a fellow sufferer, no, it was absolutely perfect. It is a very long, very depressing and isolating issue and I found myself relating to everything and being so relieved that this show captured that exactly. I do agree that I would love to have seen kumi see a doctor quite early on, but for the doctor to be clueless about the issue and give her no real medical advice - because that's the unfortunate truth. It would have been nice to see her go through the treatment because it is possible, but a very long and painful process. For all those frustrated at kumi for not just shoving it in, for those who say 'just use more lube'... that doesn't work, it makes it worse. Educate yourselves. So overall, I am really pleased with the portrayal of vagnismus, even though I am still incredibly disappointed that it didn't seem to help others understand the complexity of the issue, since I am seeing heaps of reviews here and elsewhere that don't believe the seriousness of the condition.
35 Reviews
It is very.... Japanese
rcarlberg13 April 2019
The physical incompatibility of the title is the theme running through this series, but it's not really about that. It's about the Japanese cultural disinclination to discuss delicate matters openly. It's about how Japanese women, in particular, are taught that they should experience a life of depravation and discomfort before they ever deign to bring up something embarrassing. How communication, which is so central to any good marriage, is secondary to cultural norms of subservience and deference.
That's not to say the long silences, and the reluctance of BOTH characters to resolve their physical incompatibility, wasn't aggravating and occasionally infuriating. In this day & age, there are SO MANY options they could have explored -- both to please each other, and to alleviate the wife's discomfort -- but the writers chose not to explore what would be normal, common-sense measures.
I enjoyed the series, even though it occasionally infuriated me, because it gave me such a good insight into a very foreign culture.
That's not to say the long silences, and the reluctance of BOTH characters to resolve their physical incompatibility, wasn't aggravating and occasionally infuriating. In this day & age, there are SO MANY options they could have explored -- both to please each other, and to alleviate the wife's discomfort -- but the writers chose not to explore what would be normal, common-sense measures.
I enjoyed the series, even though it occasionally infuriated me, because it gave me such a good insight into a very foreign culture.
Great take on real life problems
vindstilla26 March 2019
Very refreshing topic showing real life problems, rearly talked about. It IS frustrating to watch, but in reality situations like those portrayed ARE frustrating so it feels true to me. There is a lot of silence and misunderstandings and poor communication. I found the acting good enough and believable. Sexual problems are a difficult topic. Netflix production is showing great diversity. If you like the slow paced Japanese style I can truly recommend this. Probably you can also see this series in a context of the sexual problems in Japanese society today, where sexless marriages are becoming increasingly common.
Painfully slow
sestaberger27 March 2019
Warning: Spoilers
The idea of the series is nice and the actors are well casted and do a great job. But the characters development into utter misery is just not my cup of tea. One stupid decision after the other, lead by a barely talking, weak female character that whines continiously.
Maybe this is not the story we want, but the story we deserve and need.
Physical sex problem in a just married couple
manugw16 April 2019
This is sex, love, marriage and family problems treated through the lenses of the Japanese Culture. This series are made of short 30 minutes easygoing episodes,with plain simple dialogues that go down to the core complexity of each subject. It has hot steamy sexy scenes on one side and cold mechanical sex on the other just for the sake of the script, nothing else intended.
Slow but good
freckles-0316627 March 2019
Great acting but simply impossible premise
sophiamarinova3 December 2022
So on the bright side we have nice Japanese actors doing a good job in exploring emotional and physical attraction. The series is shot well and could be perfectly watchable and satisfying had it not been for... a pretty ridiculous problem to begin with. And I don't mean to ridicule the fact that unusual problems may and do exist in sex. But purely looking logically at the data- first since females are biologically prepared to give birth, their anatomy is typically not so rigid. Second assuming that the rare female condition that may exhibit this way for psychological reasons exists in the female lead, then she should have the same condition with every partner and not selectively with one who also ironically happens to be the man she loves. Thirdly based on the data we're provided, there seemed to be nothing extraordinary about the husband to begin with to doubt if he will not fit. Furthermore the couple shouldn't have accepted this status quo but instead sought to educate themselves. Let's face it, most problems have solutions. They apparently also don't communicate too well either. So while the show may be well put together with good actors and an interesting idea- that of difficult sex in a marriage- the implementation is completely lacking in veracity. I have not finished the show and most likely will not because I was not persuaded that this particular specific problem could be applied to that particular couple first but second because even if that were the case, they should look for a productive solution more proactively and not hide in the sand.
Comedy or Tragedy ?
keikoyoshikawa30 January 2020
I'm not sure what to make of this series - is it a comedy, a tragedy, or just a really honest look at Japanese culture and society? In any case, it is heartfelt and in many ways quite a realistic look into the sometimes dysfunctional Japanese relationship.
One cannot help but feel sorry for the protagonist and to a lesser degree her husband. If only there was more honest and open communication, and less sexual repression, then much of the frustration might have been avoided or mitigated.
Oh well, that's Japan for you. And that is why this series about alienation and loneliness deserves a high rating.
One cannot help but feel sorry for the protagonist and to a lesser degree her husband. If only there was more honest and open communication, and less sexual repression, then much of the frustration might have been avoided or mitigated.
Oh well, that's Japan for you. And that is why this series about alienation and loneliness deserves a high rating.
Medically Confusing and Highly Improbable
morrigan-7384927 March 2019
Warning: Spoilers
What I don't understand here is that these two college-educated professionals never went to see a doctor about the young and willing wife's apparent inability to sexually receive her husband in sexual intercourse. And it's further confusing by the fact that she had other men and apparently had no trouble sexually with them. And other women have had no trouble with her husband, so what exactly is the problem? It seems that if she had gone to the doctor when they first got together, that they could have figured out what was wrong and fixed the problem, instead of creating a lifelong terrible situation for both of these otherwise normal people. I just didn't get it. And I don't get the ending either...that the young husband, a normal and horny young man, was so willing to accept a marriage without either sex or children. It all seemed both either too weird and too repressed and depressed for me. Throughout the whole movie, I was saying, "So why don't you just go to the doctor and get this problem fixed?" She did go to an in vitro clinic for a consultation about having a baby, but they never saw a doctor about the underlying problem. Unbelievable, I say!
A Young Couple Navigating the Pitfalls of Love and Sex
spasek18 March 2021
Warning: Spoilers
One of the age-old questions is put front and center: Is love sex? Or is sex love? People might be surprised at the answer. Sex is not love, as Kenichi puts it. However, sex is/can be an expression of love. This is where Kenichi and his wife Kumiko run into trouble.
It is clear that Kenichi and Kumiko both love each other. However, they have a difficult time adjusting to the fact that they cannot have conventional sex. Now, it can be dangerous to view this series with the eyes of a westerner. You have to understand something about Japanese culture. I'm not saying you will agree with it, but you will understand why Kumiko and Kenichi do not handle the problem in the same way that others might.
Japanese people are among the sweetest people I have ever known, but they also tend to have one glaring issue (one that even they admit to!): they are never very direct in their communication. There are even some wonderful, and even funny, youtube videos posted by Japanese people who address this.
Kumiko is an extremely shy young woman, who never really speaks up about anything. She is virtually incapable of asserting herself in any way, and she will always accept what someone else tells her. She keeps her problems and dislikes bottled up within her. It doesn't help that she has a domineering mother who is clearly ashamed of her. Remember that "shame" is not something that Japanese people take lightly. Western viewers are likely to show frustration and say, "Why doesn't she go and see a doctor? Why doesn't she talk about it with her husband?" Again, it's the culture, for better or worse. And, I daresay, there are those around the world who take issue with some of our cultural ideas too! I should know as I was a Peace Corps volunteer for four years and have also lived and worked in five different countries as well!
The bottom line that is addressed in this series is a failure to communicate. This is a universal problem in marriage and relationships, not just an Asian one. And we see the damage that is done by not talking things out. Both Kenichi and Kumiko attempt to avoid the issue by finding solace in other people. As we know, avoidance and denial never make a problem go away. If anything, it exacerbates it, which is one of the things this series addresses.
The series is very well done, with exceptional performances from Aoi Nakamura (Kenichi) and Natsumi Ishibashi (Kumiko). They give us a couple that clearly love each other but are unable to figure out how to address the issue of not having sex.
What is sad is that intimacy is a necessary ingredient for a happy marriage. And intimacy doesn't necessarily mean sex. There are many ways for a couple to BE with each other. There are ways to make it work, and my only issue with the series is that there really isn't much mentioned about how a couple can be intimate without sex.
Marriages don't fail because of a lack of sex. They fail due to a lack of love, communication, and intimacy. This series does a pretty credible job of addressing this, especially in the "communication" department!
It is clear that Kenichi and Kumiko both love each other. However, they have a difficult time adjusting to the fact that they cannot have conventional sex. Now, it can be dangerous to view this series with the eyes of a westerner. You have to understand something about Japanese culture. I'm not saying you will agree with it, but you will understand why Kumiko and Kenichi do not handle the problem in the same way that others might.
Japanese people are among the sweetest people I have ever known, but they also tend to have one glaring issue (one that even they admit to!): they are never very direct in their communication. There are even some wonderful, and even funny, youtube videos posted by Japanese people who address this.
Kumiko is an extremely shy young woman, who never really speaks up about anything. She is virtually incapable of asserting herself in any way, and she will always accept what someone else tells her. She keeps her problems and dislikes bottled up within her. It doesn't help that she has a domineering mother who is clearly ashamed of her. Remember that "shame" is not something that Japanese people take lightly. Western viewers are likely to show frustration and say, "Why doesn't she go and see a doctor? Why doesn't she talk about it with her husband?" Again, it's the culture, for better or worse. And, I daresay, there are those around the world who take issue with some of our cultural ideas too! I should know as I was a Peace Corps volunteer for four years and have also lived and worked in five different countries as well!
The bottom line that is addressed in this series is a failure to communicate. This is a universal problem in marriage and relationships, not just an Asian one. And we see the damage that is done by not talking things out. Both Kenichi and Kumiko attempt to avoid the issue by finding solace in other people. As we know, avoidance and denial never make a problem go away. If anything, it exacerbates it, which is one of the things this series addresses.
The series is very well done, with exceptional performances from Aoi Nakamura (Kenichi) and Natsumi Ishibashi (Kumiko). They give us a couple that clearly love each other but are unable to figure out how to address the issue of not having sex.
What is sad is that intimacy is a necessary ingredient for a happy marriage. And intimacy doesn't necessarily mean sex. There are many ways for a couple to BE with each other. There are ways to make it work, and my only issue with the series is that there really isn't much mentioned about how a couple can be intimate without sex.
Marriages don't fail because of a lack of sex. They fail due to a lack of love, communication, and intimacy. This series does a pretty credible job of addressing this, especially in the "communication" department!
New topic, great acting but DAMN it was slow
mbrizvii26 March 2019
Warning: Spoilers
I stumbled across this one thinking "This is interesting". No doubt, a very interesting concept and a very REAL problem but that's where it ends.
Even though it is shown that the couple really loves each other, they really do nothing to help their situation other than using baby oil or adultery. I mean they lived in a modern era? Did it not come across to may be go to a doctor or a sex therapist?. Other than that, the biggest flaw of this show was the PACE. No one has time to watch your mundane routine on TV and waste hours of their lives. I think I could not bear the pace of this show after episode 4 and actually the fast forwarded through the scenes to figure out what happens. I really don't know what to think of the ending either.
Positive would definitely be the acting. Both actors were very strong and stuck to their characters. Sometimes I felt like shaking the actress to make her feel or say something but I definitely think thats the strength of her acting as she depicted a very timid, submissive woman (BTW I understand she is submissive but they practically showed that she got raped when she meets her first internet sympathizer :/)
Overall I think what initially started as an interesting topic with great actors soon became very tedious and boring and difficult to watch.
Even though it is shown that the couple really loves each other, they really do nothing to help their situation other than using baby oil or adultery. I mean they lived in a modern era? Did it not come across to may be go to a doctor or a sex therapist?. Other than that, the biggest flaw of this show was the PACE. No one has time to watch your mundane routine on TV and waste hours of their lives. I think I could not bear the pace of this show after episode 4 and actually the fast forwarded through the scenes to figure out what happens. I really don't know what to think of the ending either.
Positive would definitely be the acting. Both actors were very strong and stuck to their characters. Sometimes I felt like shaking the actress to make her feel or say something but I definitely think thats the strength of her acting as she depicted a very timid, submissive woman (BTW I understand she is submissive but they practically showed that she got raped when she meets her first internet sympathizer :/)
Overall I think what initially started as an interesting topic with great actors soon became very tedious and boring and difficult to watch.
Surprise
valenciaphillip5 December 2020
I didn't expect it to be so good. A fair warning, this is not a show for the shallow people. This is a show that's slow with very intriguing dialog between two people in love and that's it, don't expect much more. The story's main problem is not common, and therefore hard to relate with.
Enjoyed it.
myotherpetisdog16 June 2019
I loved slow immersion into Japanese culture that the story about young couple presented. Regardless of plausibility of the problem the couple was having, the story has shined a different light on eternal question "What is love?". Very good acting.
Matter of preference
drantenbrink27 March 2019
You either love or hate this show. It's slow-paced, but the acting is great and the topic is very realistic. I think they've nailed it with this one, but if you're not into the genre, you're not going to enjoy this experience.
This couple doesn't think...or talk
christolking8 December 2020
While the characters in this domestic drama can be sweet and endearing they also can be a low key pain in the ass. This is not a good series for couples with physical incompatibilities to watch. These guys never saw a doctor until the tenth episode, and then they still didn't describe their problem! Useful discussion points on disfunctional families and dangerous ways of coping, but this series *really* needs an extra episode in which a counselor guides couples on how to deal with sex differences.
Based on a Book
momoyovlowolv10 September 2019
Sorry it's not really going to be a review but I didn't know how to add to the trivia section. I personally liked the series.
It is based on a book by an author who goes by the name Kodama in 2017. The story follows her real life experience so it was not made for the sole purpose of entertainment. It would also explain why the technology seems outdated. It's because it all happened a while ago.
Frustratingly Good
xmasinswiss8 September 2023
Warning: Spoilers
I see a lot of reviewers are frustrated after watching this show. The story shows a typical Japanese couple with typical mindsets, going through typical communication issues. The reason for these issues is quite unusual though.
Having been married to a Japanese woman for 20+ years, I recognize quite a few exasperating patterns illustrated here :) the avoidance of communication, the long silences, the inability to get to the point. In my case, we managed to find ways to communicate openly and frequently after a few years. This show threw me right back to my first years of marriage.
I'm still mad with the couple's failure to visit a doctor and even articulate the issue to one when they eventually did decide to seek medical help, after decades of suffering. This "oh well, this can't be helped so I'll just endure quietly instead of actively seeking a solution" attitude is so recognizable I wanted to yell at them!
So overall, the series does a great job showing the typical patterns of behavior. Well done. Which is why it could be so infuriating to watch.
Having been married to a Japanese woman for 20+ years, I recognize quite a few exasperating patterns illustrated here :) the avoidance of communication, the long silences, the inability to get to the point. In my case, we managed to find ways to communicate openly and frequently after a few years. This show threw me right back to my first years of marriage.
I'm still mad with the couple's failure to visit a doctor and even articulate the issue to one when they eventually did decide to seek medical help, after decades of suffering. This "oh well, this can't be helped so I'll just endure quietly instead of actively seeking a solution" attitude is so recognizable I wanted to yell at them!
So overall, the series does a great job showing the typical patterns of behavior. Well done. Which is why it could be so infuriating to watch.
A Show Built Around Non-Communication and Stereotype
Bluechinaspecial26 April 2019
Warning: Spoilers
The cultural lens is difficult to eschew. Japanese culture is obviously and painfully less communicative than American culture, especially around intimacy and interpersonal connection. But after witnessing this, I am left with two conclusions: 1. I believe this show MAY have been written, in part or exclusively, to combat a certain pervasive stereotype about Asian men and their anatomy. With their new world stage on streaming platforms in which their television shows are presented alongside other Western entertainment, non-anime Japanese television has an "in" not held previously. I am not convinced vaginismus is the issue as another reviewer mentioned. Especially as the woman had successful relations previously. 2. Whether it's size or vaginismus, the claim it's "not possible" and nothing can be done is pretty ridiculous. Either show writers didn't consult Japanese therapists or Japan needs to import some. It's not ignorant to claim vaginismus CAN be overcome. Choosing a fatalistic "oh well. sexless marriage for life!!" is not best. The slow-motion train wreck is somewhat interesting, though.
Finished this show in 24 hours
tarynsbells30 March 2019
No joke, this is one of the best shows I've ever seen. I don't know how you could not like this show. The show represent how all shows should go. From the start i was intrigued and throughout the show it revisits scenes from the first episode that are important to the future of the story. I love this show so much and i hope they continue to make more like this!! I want to make sure people understand how great of a show this is!! I started an IMDB account just so i could write a review about it :) so awesome so great please watch!! <3
Uhmmm
ariesparks18 April 2019
Sweetly sad
msrhines10 April 2019
If you can bear through the slow moments you will find a sweet, sometimes painful sad tale of a couple that cannot consummate their relationship. Although they find their own version of happiness in the end, you are still left wishing things would go differently for them. The story does drag at times, only because it does show the mediocrity of day to day life which is not always fun ir action packed. Worth giving a try if you like alternative type drama.
Improbable Plot Still Reveals Cultural Tendencies
nantieszen16 April 2019
I agree with some of the other reviewers that the passivity around the couple's sexual problem is hard to accept in today's society. There was, in fact, much about the show that seemed from another era. The internet didn't figure in the show hardly at all. Kumiko kept an old fashioned scrapbook. Traditional books were used as well as flip phones so this series might have been made originally 10 years ago. There was almost total lack of communication around the sexual problem which we Americans find hard to believe. It does reflect in perhaps an exaggerated fashion the tendency in Japanese society for acceptance of the status quo and not to complain esp on the part of the woman. Note that Kenichi never apologized for going to a brothel regularly but he felt incensed by the mere fact that Kumiko wasn't a virgin. That double standard was realistic.
I loved seeing how the characters lived day to day.
The pacing of the show seemed to come to a grinding halt around episode 7. A scene when Kumiko was eating alone and there was a voiceover of her thoughts was excruciatingly slow.
The involvement of the parents at the end was very revelatory of cultural norms.
All in all even though the plot was weak and strained credibility, the show was well acted and gave viewers an insiders view of modern Japanese life.
Just love it!!
jimmycoffin-751-21285327 March 2019
Warning: Spoilers
The world is spewing out CGI, technology and every stereotype characters needs to be snappy delivering macho and feminism trashtalk. Women and men has been on war with echother the last few years and its obvious in the movie industry how everyone is portrayed as over the top inhuman morons.
So its Nice for a change to watch something down to earth and subtle. Where two people just fall inlove without showing over the top parties, smoking weed, screwing everywhere and wears gucci and chanel.
Gone is the attention-seeking social media propaganda machine in this show. Wich is just an amazing thing.
The story is very naive and cute wich is kinda normal in japanese moviemaking. But thats also the Main reason to watch it. love Its beautiful japanese nature and simple alluring culture in general that draws me in. As every japanese masterpiece movie or anime ive ever seen. And its over 2000 movies. It gives me piece of mind cause atmosphere and Pacing and the hope that love still can be sweet. And not the amalgamation of what it is portayed in this twitter, insta age where noone looks and talks to people anymore. the Most important things for me is that message. Beatiful show 10/10 and my fav netflix
Its a story not 'logistics' to make sense!
rajeshrsigningin13 October 2021
I loved it.
I see a lot of people saying it is not possible. Blah blah blah. I think this is a great drama and whatever this couple decided to do was in this story. They could change their decision in future.
I wanted thanos to win in avengers but they had to turn back time and bring forth a ;'feminist movement' and kill thanos. I am not complaining. Just enjoy what this drama offers.
I see a lot of people saying it is not possible. Blah blah blah. I think this is a great drama and whatever this couple decided to do was in this story. They could change their decision in future.
I wanted thanos to win in avengers but they had to turn back time and bring forth a ;'feminist movement' and kill thanos. I am not complaining. Just enjoy what this drama offers.
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