Enredo

While the entire cast and crew is obsessed with watching the season finale of MILF Island, Liz tries to keep Jack from knowing that she is the person who made negative comments about him to a newspaper journalist.

High off the success of "MILF Island," Jack makes a move to become network chairman. But his career plans threaten to be derailed by a Page Six blind item that quotes a staffer calling Jack a Class A Moron. He acts quickly to root out the traitor.—IMDb editor

Coming up next here on NBC: ''MILF Island!'' A.K.A. The show we're amazed someone hasn't come up with already!

Oh wait...there was ''Temptation Island''...but at last check, the only MILF in the cast was Ytossie'd off of there, along with her longtime lover Taheed.

See? Television still has standards.

Meanwhile, on "30 Rock": "Twenty MILFs! Fifty eighth grade boys! No rules! And tonight, one winner!"

Really, though -- with a build-up like that, aren't we all winners?

Anyhoo, Liz is not happy with the fact that her staff is obsessed with what looks to be the lowest version of a lowest common denominator that has ever gyrated around on the boob tube.

Jack: "The critics said the same thing about Shakespeare."

Liz: "Yeah, but Shakespeare never had a confessional shower sponsored by Dove Pro Age." Indeed.

As Jack points out, "MILF Island" reflects the full spectrum of the drama that is the human experience. It has sex, lies, puberty, betrayal and relay races. And as Liz pointed out, it also has a bug eating contest with tampons as the prize.

Not only that! Around a fire that looks suspiciously like the Survivor Tribal Council, we got to see this: ''Salutha! You've kept it tight. Heidi! We no longer wanna hit that. Get off MILF Island!''

Jack proposes that she helm the sequel, but Liz brusquely declines with a speech about a show like this being beneath her, declaring that what the "TGS" writers do is art! (Cut to: A flaccid "TGS" bit concerning a fart machine.) After suffering through that, and a replay of "MILF" contestants Deborah and Shawna squaring off at Erection Cove, Liz's day gets measurably worse.

Minutes before Liz stepped into Jack's office, Kenneth paid a visit to the writing room with a copy of the New York Post. Seems that somebody on the ''TGS with Tracy Jordan'' staff blabbed to the gossip section about Jack, who happens to be in the running for the chairmanship of GE. Not good.

The mystery staffer in question called Jack a ''Class A Moron'' -- which, if you were to Google that phrase in ''30 Rock'' world, puts him at the the top of the search list. (''Step aside, Randy Quaid!'') It's not good timing for Jack, so he instructs Liz to shake down her clowns.

Kenneth decides to help Liz with the investigation, and after a bit of Sherlock Holmesery, Kenneth realizes that the guilty party is....Liz!!

As Kenneth reconstructs the tale: Apparently Liz shot off her mouth in the elevator in the presence of a smokin' hot stud of a New York Post reporter, and Kenneth happened to be hiding in there behind a life-sized cardboard cutout in the corner. (It's a sitcom, OK? Go ahead and leap across Logic Creek with the rest of us.) Liz persuades the pure-hearted Kenneth -- first with cajoling, then with plain old fashioned threats -- to keep this piece of damaging trivia to himself, especially since she's taken the fall for her staff countless times. In her view, the "TGS" circus owes her.

Liz then visits a clearly distraught Jack, who reveals that when he was a child, he had a terrible stutter and barely spoke in class. Because he was quiet, his teachers assumed he was stupid, and the Massachusetts Public School System labeled him -- that's right -- a Class A Moron.

He was pulled out of his class, he said, and put in the ''special class,'' i.e. in the boiler room with one other classmate named Gilly. ''They told us to sweep sawdust so we'd find work at a mill... I feel like I'm back in that boiler room, making little piles of sawdust while Gilly plays with himself in a corner.''

Jack has the heat turned up, and brings in Kenneth, but the page doesn't quite break. Jack walks out of the room to take a call from Vice President Cheney -- another "MILF Island" fan! -- allowing Liz to threaten Kenneth into silence one more time. He walks away with this warning for Liz: ''The truth will come out! Like my cousin Steven after he went to music college, it will come out!''

Later Jack, while wacky on scotch, wallows in his lake of past insults. In an attempt to make him feel better, Liz confesses that as a child she had to wear corrective shoes. ''When I was born, I had a malformed extra baby foot extending from my actual foot. They think maybe I ate my twin. But after the surgery to remove it, I walked pigeon-toed. So all through grade school, I had to wear corrective foot gear that attached to my head gear.''

Ah. So that's where she gets her sense of humor from.

Her point, she explains, is that suffering made Jack a better person, the successful person he is today. But it doesn't quite wash.

Back in the lobby outside of Jack's office, where everyone else is gathered, the staff begins to turn on each other, "Lord of the Flies" style. Kenneth has had it. He storms into Jack's office and tells him he's ready to finger the culprit -- and then he cops to the crime! Liz looks on in shock, and then triumph, as she realizes she's going to get away with it, and the page will go down instead.

After everything has settled down, Jack chats with Liz again and reveals that Don Geiss called in his congratulations -- looks like he might get that job after all! But, Jack said, something about Kenneth's story doesn't add up and he can't quite believe the kid. Silly as it seems, he said, he still can't let the "Class A Moron" comment go, and...and...he tumbles into a paralyzing fit of stuttering. Liz's guilt gets the better of her and she confesses, apologizing profusely the entire time.

Suddenly Jack's stutter vaporizes. He knew all along, he explained, he just wanted Liz to admit to it. But of course there's a price: She has to write the spinoff to "MILF Island," starring the winner, Deborah. (Imagine Omarosa with a boob job.) One again, Liz must compromise her talents to protect her tiny claim on Jack Donaghy's cutthroat island.