- Deutsche Stimme: [On television] The machine is mankind's madness and disfigurement. Industry castrates art. The only honesty is in suicide.
- Jack Donaghy: I can't watch any more of these German sitcoms!
- Kenneth Parcell: I don't drink coffee, sir, I don't drink hot liquids of any kind. That's the devil's temperature.
- Liz Lemon: Look at those floors. I would walk all around inside of that.
- Jenna Maroney: [Jenna walks in, Lemon quickly closes her laptop] Hey, what's up?
- Jenna Maroney: Are you looking at porn? I know a good site that's dirty without sacrificing story. It's by women, for women.
- Liz Lemon: No, I'm looking at real estate.
- Jenna Maroney: I can't believe you bought an apartment.
- Liz Lemon: Well, not yet. I still have to get approved by the co-op board. I'm all nervous. I have to dress up and smile and try to get them to like me. It's gonna be like going on a blind date.
- Jenna Maroney: Oh, no, it's so much better. 'Cause an apartment never waits till you get in the shower then steals the necklace your mother gave you.
- Kenneth Parcell: I made two promises to my mother before I left for New York. One, if I found any Mackenzies living up here, I would kill them. And two, I would not let this city change me.
- Tracy Jordan: So you had a little bender.
- Kenneth Parcell: It's not just the coffee. I also went to a PG-13 movie. I-I bought a pair of sunglasses. I tried a Jewish doughnut. I'd always been told that New York was the 21st-century city of Sodom. And look what's happened. I've become one of them. I've been sodomized.
- Liz Lemon: [leaving message for co-co board while drinking wine, 10:20 pm] Hey, it's Liz Lemon. This message is for the co-op board, I guess. This is the number you gave me. I hope it's not fake, 'cause you accepted my bid, and I haven't heard from you. But I'm doing great. I bought a German television studio today.
- [still drinking as she leaves another message, 10:55 pm]
- Liz Lemon: Does everyone know that you're a bunch of liars, or should I tell them myself? Because I know a lot of people.
- [pouring wine as she leaves another message, 11:14 pm]
- Liz Lemon: You know what? I'm fine. Because I know who I am. You - I feel sorry for you, co-op board.
- [crying on the bathroom floor, 12:01 am]
- Liz Lemon: I am going to the hospital, and I hope you're happy!
- [opening another bottle of wine, 12:03 am]
- Liz Lemon: I'm just confused. It seems weird to me that you would still be advertising the apartment after you accepted my offer.
- [leaves message while singing Alanis Morissette, 2:15 am]
- Liz Lemon: "And I am here to remind you..."
- [leaves message while drinking wine and jogging on treadmill, 7 am]
- Liz Lemon: And you know what? I've moved on. I bought a whole bunch of apartments. I bought a black apartment.
- Jonathan: This deal *has* to go through. Then Jack will be CEO, and I will be king of the assistants!
- Tracy Jordan: Hey! Slow down there, Ken! Coffee's not like alcohol. It's pretty addictive.
- Kenneth Parcell: I love how it makes me feel! It's like my heart is trying to hug my brain.