- [Metro Man crashes into the observatory, but finds no one present]
- Megamind: [from projector] Over here, old friend! In case you've noticed, you've fallen right into my trap!
- Metro Man: You can't trap justice! It's an idea, a BELIEF!
- Megamind: Even the most heartfelt belief can get corroded over time!
- Metro Man: Justice is a non-corrosive metal!
- Megamind: But metals can be melted, by the heat of revanchge!
- Metro Man: It's REVENGE, and it's best served cold!
- Megamind: But it can be easily reheated, in the microwave of evil!
- Metro Man: Well, I think your warranty's about to expire!
- Megamind: Maybe I got an extended warranty!
- Metro Man: Warranties are invalid, if used beyond their intended purpose!
- Roxanne Ritchi: [exasperated] Girls, girls, you're both pretty! Can I go home now?
- Megamind: Of course. That is, if Metro Man can withstand the full, concentrated power OF THE SUN! FIRE!
- [a giant hologram of Megamind's head appears in the sky above Metro City]
- Megamind: YOU DARE CHALLENGE MEGAMIND?
- Titan: This town isn't big enough for TWO super-villains!
- Megamind: Oh, you're a villain, alright! Just not a SUPER one!
- Titan: Oh, yeah? What's the difference?
- [Megamind's giant hologram head opens its mouth and from the inside appears Megamind]
- Megamind: PRESENTATION!
- Titan: [on TV] Hey, Metro losers! This is Metro Tower! They say it's supposed to be a symbol of our city's strength...
- [shows Roxanne tied to the tower]
- Titan: ...but for me, it's a reminder of the day this woman ferociously ripped out my heart! And I hate reminders!
- [rips out part of the tower's foundation, swaying it]
- Roxanne Ritchi: HAL! Please don't do this. I know there's still good in you, Hal...
- Titan: You're so naive, Roxy. You see the good in everyone, even when it's not there. You're living a fantasy. There is no Easter Bunny. There is no Tooth Fairy. There is no Queen of England. This is the real world, and you need to wake up!
- [a solar-powered laser starts to activate]
- Minion: [at a monitor] Death ray readying!
- Megamind: Let's see if Metro Man can withstand the full concentrated power of the sun! FIRE!
- [nothing happens]
- Megamind: [to Minion] Fire!
- Minion: [at monitor] Still warming up, sir.
- Megamind: Come again?
- Minion: Warming up.
- Megamind: Warming up? The sun is WARMING UP?
- Minion: Just a little more and...
- [first lines]
- Megamind: Here's my day so far: went to jail, lost the girl of my dreams and got my butt kicked pretty good. Still, things could be a lot worse. Oh, that's right... I'm falling to my death. Guess they can't. How did it all come to this? Well, my end starts at the beginning... The very beginning!
- Minion: My sole purpose in life is to look after you!
- Megamind: Well, I don't need you to look after me!
- Minion: What are you... what are you saying? You don't need me?
- Megamind: Let me make it clear. Code: I don't need you.
- Minion: You know what? You know what? Code: I'll just pack my thing and go!
- Megamind: Code: Fine!
- Minion: Code: Fine back! Good luck on your date!
- Megamind: I will!
- Minion: That doesn't even make any sense!
- Megamind: I know!
- Metro Man: It all started back at the observatory. Roxanne was kidnapped, I was gonna stop you. My head wasn't in the game that day. We were kinda goin' through the motions. So, using my super speed, I decided to go clear my head. Then I realized, we had done this same silly charade our entire lives! I tried to get my mind off how I was feeling, but I just felt stuck. And I started to realize, despite all my powers, each and every citizen of Metro had something I didn't: a choice. Ever since I can remember, I've always had to be what this city wanted me to be. What about what I wanted to do? Then it suddenly hit me: I DO have a choice! I can be whatever I wanna be! No one said that this hero thing had to be a lifetime gig!... But you can't just quit either. That's when I got the brilliant idea... to fake my death! Once your death ray hit, I've never felt so alive. So I borrowed a prop from a nearby nursing school and Metro Man was finally dead! And Music Man was born!
- Roxanne Ritchi: Music Man?
- Metro Man: That way I can keep my logo!
- Megamind: Because of WHAAT?
- Roxanne Ritchi: Come again?
- Metro Man: I am finally free to get in touch with my true power... weaving lyrical magic!
- [Minion removes a cloth bag from his captive, Roxanne Ritchi]
- Megamind: Miss Ritchi... we meet again.
- Roxanne Ritchi: Would it kill you to wash the bag?
- [Titan hurls a skyscraper]
- Roxanne Ritchi: What's the plan?
- Megamind: Well, it mostly involves NOT DYING!
- Roxanne Ritchi: I like that plan!
- Roxanne Ritchi: What secrets? You're SOOO predictable!
- Megamind: Predictable? PREDICTABLE? Oh, you call THIS predictable?
- [pulls a lever that opens up an alligator pool beneath Roxanne]
- Roxanne Ritchi: Your alligators, yeah, mm-hmm. I was thinking about it on the way over...
- Megamind: [pulls another lever that reveals a hidden gun] What's this? Boom! In your face.
- Roxanne Ritchi: Cliché!
- Megamind: No! Look! Watch!
- [brings down a gauntlet of blades]
- Roxanne Ritchi: Juvenile!
- Roxanne Ritchi: Shock and awe!
- [brings up a chainsaw]
- Roxanne Ritchi: Tacky!
- Megamind: OH, IT'S SO SCARY!
- [unleashes a cycle of spiked boots]
- Roxanne Ritchi: Seen it!
- Megamind: [frantic] What's this one do?
- [unleashes a flamethrower]
- Roxanne Ritchi: Garish!
- [Megamind breaks down]
- Roxanne Ritchi: Okay, the spider's new.
- Megamind: Spider?
- [sees a spider hanging in front of Roxanne. Minion just shrugs]
- Megamind: Uh... Uh, yes, the spyiiiiiider. Even the smallest bite from... "arachnis deathicus"... will instantly paralyze...
- [Roxanne blows the spider into Megamind's eye]
- Megamind: AARGH! GET IT OFF! IT BIT ME!
- Megamind: [pulls out dehydration gun on the crowd gathering around him to congratulate him for defeating Titan] Get back, you savages!
- Roxanne Ritchi: Sorry, sorry! He's just not used to positive feedback.
- [from trailer]
- Megamind: All men must choose between two paths. Good is the path of honour, heroism, and nobility. Evil... well, it's just cooler.
- Megamind: Look, we need your help...
- Metro Man: I'm sorry, I really am. I'm... I'm done!
- [places his cape on Megamind]
- Metro Man: You know, little buddy, there's a yin for every yang. If there's bad, good will rise up against it! It's taken me a long time for me to find my calling. Now, it's time you found yours.
- Megamind: You can scream all you wish, Miss Ritchi! I'm afraid no one can hear you!
- [Roxanne just gives him an exasperated look]
- Megamind: Uh, why isn't she screaming?
- Minion: Miss Ritchi, if you don't mind...
- Megamind: Like this!
- [does a fake scream]
- Megamind: Well, that's a poor lady scream...
- [the brainbot in his lap bites his hand, and he lets out a high-pitched scream]
- Megamind: AAAAAHHH!
- Roxanne Ritchi: [smirking] That's a little better.
- Megamind: MINION!
- Minion: [wounded] I can't see... it's cold and dark, and warm and light...
- Megamind: It's me, Minion. I'm right here.
- Minion: We've had a lot of adventures together, you and I...
- Megamind: We have.
- Minion: I mean... most of them ended in horrible failure... but we won today, didn't we, sir?
- Megamind: Yes, Minion. We did it, thanks to you.
- Minion: Code... we're the good guys now.
- Megamind: Code: I guess we are.
- Minion: Oh! Oh! Oh! I'm going! I think this is it! I'm going far away...!
- [Megamind picks up his friend's body... and drops it in the fountain]
- Megamind: What a drama queen!
- Minion: You know, I'm feeling much better now! Guess I just needed a swim...
- Megamind: [to Roxanne] He had you going, didn't he? Classic Minion.
- Megamind: [to Minion] Don't give me that face. He reels you in with that little face! Look at that face!
- [Megamind returns home after his disastrous date]
- Megamind: Okay, Minion, you were right, and I was... less right! We should stick to what we're good at: being bad... Minion?
- Metro Man: Check this out...
- [plays a guitar]
- Metro Man: [singing] I have eyes, that can see, right through lead... huh?
- Roxanne Ritchi: You're horrible!
- Megamind: Granted, you have talent, but there's a madman out there destroying our... YOUR city!
- Roxanne Ritchi: [smashing debris on Metro Man's head] How could you do this? The people of this city relied on you, and you deserted them! You left us in the hands of... HIM!
- [points at Megamind]
- Roxanne Ritchi: [to Megamind] No offense.
- Megamind: No, I'm with you!
- Megamind: [talking to a Drinking Bird toy] I know. Funny. Always thirsty, never satisfied. I understand you, little well dressed bird. Purposeless, emptiness. It's a vacuum, isn't it? It's... What's your vacuum like?
- Minion: [bursts in with the Venus de Milo statue] I'm going off the rails on a crazy train, sir!
- Megamind: Hey, not now, Minion! I'm in a heated, existential discussion with this dead-eyed, plastic desk toy.
- [Megamind flips TV channels in prison]
- Titan: [on TV] Hey, Megamind, you and I have unfinished business! I'll be waiting at Metro Tower, oh, and just so you don't get cold feet...
- [reveals a captured Roxanne]
- Megamind: Roxanne!
- Titan: Come on, Roxie, call for your hero to come rescue you!
- Roxanne Ritchi: Megamind... I don't even know if you're listening... but if you are, you can't give up! The Megamind I know would NEVER run from a fight, even if he knew he had no chance of winning! It was your best quality!... You need to be that guy, RIGHT now. The City needs you... I need you.
- Megamind: Roxanne...
- Titan: You have one hour. DON'T keep me waiting!
- Megamind: [disguised as Bernard] Roxanne...?
- Roxanne Ritchi: Yes?
- Megamind: Say I wasn't so normal... Say I was bald and had the complexion of a popular primary color - in a random, non-specific example... Would you still enjoy my company?
- Roxanne Ritchi: Of course! You don't judge a book by its cover or a person by the outside.
- Megamind: Oh! That's a relief to hear!
- Roxanne Ritchi: You judge them by their actions.
- Megamind: ...Well that seems kinda petty, don't you think?
- Titan: [hitting Megamind] This is for stealing my girlfriend! This one's for Space Dad making a fool out of me! And Megamind, this one's for Space Stepmom! You lied to her!
- Roxanne Ritchi: Look! This glass has ice cubes in it.
- Megamind: Yes, that's what happens when water gets cold.
- Roxanne Ritchi: No, what I'm saying is don't you think it's a little odd that the ice hasn't melted yet?
- Megamind: One of life's great mysteries.
- Megamind: I can't believe you! All your gifts, and you squander them for your own personal gain?
- Titan: Yes!
- Megamind: No! I'm the villain, you're the good guy! I do something bad, then you come and get me! That's why I created you!
- Titan: Yeah right, you're nuts! Space Dad told me...
- Megamind: Look, I'm your Space Dad!
- [transforms into Space Dad]
- Megamind: You should be more like Metro Man.
- Titan: [screams] You tricked me?
- Megamind: Don't like that, hmm? Well there's more!
- [transforms into Bernard as he slowly backs up into his giant robot battle suit]
- Megamind: I'm also the intellectual dweeb dating Roxanne.
- Titan: No!
- Megamind: And we were smooching up a storm!
- [makes kissing noises as he closes his giant robot battle suit]
- Megamind: You're alive?
- Roxanne Ritchi: You're alive...
- Metro Man: ...I'm alive.
- Roxanne Ritchi: But, but... We saw your skeleton! You were dead!
- Megamind: Are you a ghost?
- [touches Metro Man's face]
- Roxanne Ritchi: There had better be an amazing explanation for this!
- Megamind: Speak, apparition!
- Megamind: [wounded] I'm sorry... I did the best I could...
- Roxanne Ritchi: I'm so proud of you.
- [Megamind touches his watch, reveling that he is actually Minion in disguise]
- Roxanne Ritchi: Minion?
- Minion: Surprise!
- [chuckles nervously]
- Minion: He's the real hero!
- [points at Metro Man fighting Titan]
- Roxanne Ritchi: [suddenly realizing] Megamind!
- Megamind: [catches up with Roxanne] I can explain!... What about everything you just said, about judging a book by its cover?
- Roxanne Ritchi: Well, let's take a look at the contents then, shall we? You destroyed Metro Man, you took over the city, and now you've actually got me to care about you! Why are you so evil? Tricking me? What could you possibly hope to gain?
- [Megamind looks up at Roxanne sadly]
- Roxanne Ritchi: ...Wait a minute. Ohhh... I don't believe this! Do you really think I that would ever be with you?
- Megamind: [whispers] ... No.
- Megamind: I was eight days old, and still living with my parents. How sad is that? Clearly, it was time to move on.
- [as children, Metro Man is given stars from the teacher, while Megamind is made to stand in a corner]
- Megamind: No matter how hard I tried, I was always the odd man out, the last one picked, the screw-up, the black sheep... the bad boy. Was this my destiny?... Wait. Maybe it was! Being bad is the one thing I'm good at! Then it hit me: if I was the bad boy, then I was going to be the baddest boy of them ALL!
- [sets off a chemical explosion in the schoolhouse]
- Megamind: I was destined to be a supervillain, and we were destined to be rivals! The die was cast! And so began an epic enduring lifelong career... and I LOVED IT!
- [a gallery of newspaper articles appears, featuring Megamind and Metro Man's battles]
- Megamind: Our battles quickly got more elaborate. He would win some, I would ALMOST win others! He took the name: Metro Man, defender of Metro City. I decided to pick something a little more humble: Megamind, incredibly handsome criminal genius and master of all villainy!
- Hal: If I were Metro Man, Megamind wouldn't be kidnapping you all the time.
- Roxanne Ritchi: Hmmm...?
- Hal: And I'd be watching you, like a dingo watches a human baby!... Okay, that sounded a little creepy...
- Roxanne Ritchi: JUST a little.
- Roxanne Ritchi: You gave him these powers, can't you take them away?
- Megamind: I can't! I lost the defuser gun when I misplaced the invisible car. The night you dumped me. Alone. In the rain... Did you ever look back...?
- Roxanne Ritchi: No!
- [slams on the brakes]
- Megamind: [hits his head on the windshield] OH! My giant blue head!
- Megamind: [sarcastic] Whoops, I guess we're here.
- Bernard: [accidentally runs into Megamind with his cart] That's a pretty tasteless costume!
- Megamind: Costume?
- Bernard: Megamind's head is NOT that grossly exaggerated.
- [Megamind scans Bernard with his gun and sets it to the 'dehydrate' mode]
- Bernard: Oh, and you even made a cheap replica of his dehydration gun. How long...
- [Megamind dehydrates him]
- Roxanne Ritchi: [looking around Megamind's lair] Is there some kind of nerdy supervillain website where you get Tesla coils and blinky dials?
- Minion: Actually, most of it comes from an outlet store in...
- Megamind: Don't answer that!
- Minion: [whispering] Romania.
- Megamind: NO! She's using her nosy reporter skills on your weak-willed mind to find out all our secrets! Such tricks... won't work... on ME.
- Roxanne Ritchi: [sarcastic] Please talk slower.
- Megamind: Temptress!