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- Jane: I feel like I just found out my favorite love song was written about a sandwich.
- Jane's Aunt: Must be so hard to watch your younger sister get married before you.
- Jane: Yes. Then I remember that I still get to have hot hate sex with random strangers and I feel SO much better!
- Jane: [after spending a drunken night with Kevin] I just want you to know, I never do this.
- Kevin: Oh, I know.
- Jane: No, really. I never, never do this.
- Kevin: No, really, I know. Last night, you kept saying it over and over again: "I never do this", "I *never* do this", "I never *do* this"...
- Jane: Okay. I just wanted you to know.
- Kevin: [helping Jane practice saying no] Jane, give me fifty bucks.
- Jane: No!
- Kevin: Jane, it's fifty bucks. I'll pay you back.
- Jane: No.
- Kevin: [takes Jane's hand] Jane... I *need* you to give me fifty bucks.
- Jane: [hesitantly] No?
- Kevin: Eh... not bad. Can I have your drink?
- Jane: Sure.
- [beat]
- Jane: No! Oh, no...
- Kevin: [laughing] You were doing so well!
- Tess: [about their childhood dog] Not a day goes by that I don't think about that bag of fleas. Good old Tory.
- George: Hey, Jane, how come you never mentioned Tory?
- Jane: I don't know. I guess I repressed the memory of *Toby*.
- Tess: Yeah, his name was Toby, but I called him Tory because I had a lisp.
- Jane: A lisp that turned your B's to R's?
- Jane: I think you should just admit that you're a big softy, that this whole cynical thing is just an act so that you can seem wounded and mysterious and sexy...
- Kevin: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What was the last one?
- Jane: What?
- Kevin: Did you say "sexy"?
- Jane: [nervous] What?
- Kevin: You think I'm sexy?
- Jane: No.
- Kevin: It's okay if you do.
- Jane: I don't!
- Casey: [she and Jane are in mutual friend's wedding. Casey's hair is a mess] What? Don't look at me like that! The bitch said "Up" so it's up!
- Casey: [after Jane turns down a drink offer from George] He asks if you want a drink. You smile and say, 'Vodka soda.' If you already have a drink, you down it. Then there's some flirting, some interoffice sex, an accidental pregnancy, a shot gun wedding, and a life of bliss. How many times do we have to go over this?
- Kevin: Wait, what are those?
- Jane: [nervous] Nothing.
- Kevin: Are those...?
- Jane: No!
- Kevin: Are they bridesmaid dresses?
- Jane: This is none of your business!
- Kevin: Oh... good God. What, you kept them all? You have a whole closetful? Why?
- Jane: I have a lot of friends and I like to keep them.
- Kevin: [snickering] Right. Well, that makes complete sense because they're... *beautiful*.
- Jane: Some of them are not that bad.
- Kevin: Not that bad? I'd like to see one of them that's not that bad.
- Jane: How refreshing! A man who doesn't believe in marriage.
- Kevin: I'm just trying to point out the hypocrisy of the spectacle.
- Jane: Oh! That's so noble of you. Do you also go around telling small children that Santa Claus doesn't exist? 'Cause someone needs to blow that shit wide open.
- Kevin: A-ha! So you admit that believe in marriage is kind of like believing in Santa Claus!
- [Jane has just humiliated Tess at her rehearsal dinner]
- Casey: So what happened?
- Jane: He needed to know the truth.
- Casey: You could have told him face-to-face. I mean, I know my moral compass doesn't exactly point due north, but... if I say something's wrong, something's wrong.
- Jane: You're the one who's always telling me to stand up for myself.
- Casey: Yeah, but that's not what you did. What you did was unleash twenty years of repressed feelings in one night. It was entertaining, don't get me wrong, but if it was the right thing to do, you'd feel better right now. Do you feel better right now?
- Tess: How could you let this happen to me?
- [begins reading from newspaper article]
- Tess: "If Jane is the prototypical accommodating bridesmaid, then her sister Tess is cast as the overbearing, overindulged bride-to-be who at any moment might start stomping around Manhattan, breathing fire, and swatting planes from the sky."
- Jane: I had no idea he was writing an article about me.
- Tess: You? He called me Bridezilla! In the New York freaking Journal! I could tear him apart limb from limb!
- Casey: Hey, do you want to come over to my place before the party? Some of the guys from shipping are coming, and they're bringing tequila and bubble wrap.
- Jane: Kevin, I've been waiting my whole life for the right guy to come along... and then you showed up. And you are nothing like the man I imagined. You're cynical... and cranky and impossible. But the truth is, fighting with you... is the best thing that's ever happened to me. And I think there's a very good chance that I'm falling in love with you.
- Jane: [Tess has just admitted that she wanted to be more like Jane] Why would you want to be me when you could be you?
- Jane: I... I thought you were wearing Mom's dress.
- Tess: It is Mom's dress. Well, parts of it. It was just so old-fashioned, you know? So we could just use a few pieces here and there.
- Jane: Parts?
- Tess: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Like this, and the lace.
- Jane: You cut up Mom's wedding dress?
- Tess: Well, technically Mary-Ella did. But don't worry. We saved you the rest. And, I mean, if you want, you can wear this... as long as a silhouette's still in fashion. Mary-Ella, I think just the bottom needs to be hemmed a little bit.
- Jane: No. No, no, no, no. No!
- Tess: Okay, fine. You don't have to wear it.
- Jane: God, you don't care. You don't care about anyone but yourself, do you? I have made excuses for you because Mom died when you were little. But enough is enough!
- Tess: I have no idea what you're talking about.
- Jane: I can't undo what you've just done. But I won't let you hurt George. He thinks he knows the truth about you, but all he knows are the lies you've told him. You even had Pedro keep a secret from George. You tell him the truth right now! He is not one of your Eurotrash boyfriends, Tess. He is a good person. And you cannot start a relationship based on lies.
- Tess: Oh, really, Jane? And you know this because of all your successful relationships?
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