The Catherine Tate Show (TV Series)

Comic Relief Special (2007)

David Tennant: Mr. Logan

Quotes 

• Lauren Cooper : Can I ask you a question?

  Mr. Logan : Not just now.

  Lauren Cooper : Can I ask you a question now?

  Mr. Logan : Just wait.

  Lauren Cooper : Can I ask you a question? I only want to ask you a question. Can't I ask you a question? I'm just asking you a question. Can I ASK you a QUESTION?

  Mr. Logan : What is it?

  Lauren Cooper : Are you the Doctor?

  Mr. Logan : ...Doctor Who?

• Lauren Cooper : Are you English, sir?

  Mr. Logan : No, I'm Scottish.

  Lauren Cooper : So you ain't English, then?

  Mr. Logan : No, I'm British.

  Lauren Cooper : So you ain't English, then?

  Mr. Logan : No, I'm not. But as you can see, I do speak English.

  Lauren Cooper : But I can't understand what you're saying, sir.

  Mr. Logan : Well, clearly you can.

  Lauren Cooper : Sorry, are you talking Scottish now?

  Mr. Logan : No, I'm talking English.

  Lauren Cooper : Right, don't sound like it.

• Lauren Cooper : I don't think that you're quite qualified to teach us English.

  Mr. Logan : I am perfectly qualified to teach you English.

  Lauren Cooper : I don't think you are, though.

  Mr. Logan : You don't have to be English to teach it.

  Lauren Cooper : Right... have we got double English... or double Scottish?

• Mr. Logan : I'm not the Doctor, I'm your English teacher!

  Lauren Cooper : I don't think you are, though!

  Mr. Logan : Lauren...

  Lauren Cooper : I think you're a nine hundred an' forty-five year old Time Lord!

  Mr. Logan : Listen...

  Lauren Cooper : Did ya just pitch up from Mars?

  Mr. Logan : Don't be ridiculous.

  Lauren Cooper : You know your house, right?

  Mr. Logan : What?

  Lauren Cooper : You know your house?

  Mr. Logan : Yeah?

  Lauren Cooper : Is it bigger on the inside?

  Mr. Logan : Be quiet!

  Lauren Cooper : Did you park the TARDIS on the meter?

• Lauren Cooper : Do you fancy Billie Piper, sir?

  Mr. Logan : Right!

  [slams book on table] 

  Mr. Logan : You are the most insolent child I have ever had the misfortune to teach!

  Lauren Cooper : Thank you.

  Mr. Logan : You're pointless, repetitious, and extremely dull!

  Lauren Cooper : Bit like Shakespeare.

  Mr. Logan : You are not even worthy to mention his name! William Shakes - William Shakespeare was a genius! You, little madam, are definitely not! Now just sit there, keep your mouth shut, or I will fail you in this whole module right now!

  Lauren Cooper : [tsks]  Amest I bovveréd?