American Pie Presents: Beta House (2007 Video)

John White: Erik Stifler

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mr. Stifler : Son?

  Erik Stifler : Yeah?

  Mr. Stifler : I want to show you something. This is the list of all the chicks I ever banged.

  Mike 'Cooze' Coozeman : Are you serious? Is that two-sided? It is. Nice!

  Mr. Stifler : Yeah, it's a good goal for you to try to keep up with your old man.

  Erik Stifler : Hey Dad, why isn't Mom's name the last name on the list?

  Mr. Stifler : There? Uh, we didn't tell you, but when you were three, we had a trial separation for a week.

  Erik Stifler : Trial Separation?

  Erik Stifler : Uh, Dad, there's like... Well, there's ten names here for that week alone.

  Mr. Stifler : Yeah, I went on kind of a poontang bender there.

  Mike 'Cooze' Coozeman : Is that my Mom's name?

  Mr. Stifler : Yeah, you know, on second thought I'll just kind of hang onto that.

  Erik Stifler : [whispering]  You had sex with his Mom?

  Mr. Stifler : Yeah.

  Erik Stifler : [whispering]  How was it?

  Mr. Stifler : Yuck.

• Dwight Stifler : Listen, college is your one chance to start over. Ok? You get to hit the reset button on life. You get to be anybody you want to be.

  Erik Stifler : I never thought about it like that before.

• [Erik chugs a beer while dancing with Julie] 

  Julie : Wow! You can really put that away!

  Erik Stifler : Are you kidding me? This stuff is like water to me.

• Ashley : How're you feeling?

  Erik Stifler : Hey. Good, thanks.

  Ashley : Here, let me see.

  Erik Stifler : Oh, no. No, no. Ashley, it's... You really don't need to do anything.

  Ashley : Oh my God, Erik. You have to put something on that.

  Erik Stifler : No, it's just a little red.

  Ashley : Here, let me.

  [Ashley takes some healing gel and starts rubbing it on Erick's burn] 

  Erik Stifler : It's really not necessary...

  [Erik gasps] 

  Ashley : Does it hurt?

  Erik Stifler : No, it's just really cold.

  Ashley : [Ashley rubs slower]  Does that feel better?

  Erik Stifler : Yeah. Mmm-hmm.

  Ashley : Wow!

  [Megan is shocked by Erik's erection through the towel] 

  Erik Stifler : Oh man!

  Ashley : I didn't even touch it. Mmm. No, it's no big deal. I guess I should just take it as a compliment, right?

  Erik Stifler : I'm sorry. Yeah. I'm sorry.

  Ashley : It's cool.

  Erik Stifler : How that cream feels good. Ash, you might wanna...

  Ashley : [Whispering]  Just relax.

  Erik Stifler : [Panting]  It's still hot.

  [John falls backward and his towel falls off, his semen squirts on the wall, a picture frame and a teddy bear] 

  Ashley : Oh my God! Mr. Biggles!

• Dwight Stifler : Julie, this is my cousin, Erik. I just wanted you to know Erik voted for you in the Hottie Contest. And since he's like the lady's man in the family, I totally trust his taste.

  Julie : Thanks, cutie!

  Erik Stifler : You want to dance, gorgeous?

  Julie : I'd love to!

• Ashley : Wow! This is gonna take some getting used to.

  Erik Stifler : Huh? Whoa! Yeah, um, isn't this the guy's bathroom?

  Ashley : No, it's co-ed. All the dorms are like this.

  Erik Stifler : Cool. Co-ed. Yeah.

• Erik Stifler : What the hell is that? What is that thing?

  Dwight Stifler : That's the geeks taking the lead. It's time for our secret weapon. Wesley! Wesley!