Dulé Hill credited as playing...
Burton Guster
- [Gus is attempting to gather information at the tanning salon]
- Salon Attendant: May I help you?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Yes. I'm here for a tanning appointment.
- Salon Attendant: Um... for yourself?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Yes, for the Insta-Tan process. I would like that.
- Salon Attendant: But... you...
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Yes?
- Salon Attendant: I don't understand.
- [beat]
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Okay, look... screw it, I can't do this. Have you ever seen either of these two guys here before?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Speed dating?
- Marvin: Yeah. Don't laugh, it's actually one of our most popular events. Guys come in here, they sign up, put down a hundred bucks, and they get fixed up with all sorts of people on little six-minute mini-dates.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Did you say a hundred bucks?
- Marvin: Hundred bucks.
- Shawn Spencer: How about fifty bucks for three-minute dates?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Twenty-five bucks for a minute and a half?
- Shawn Spencer: I float you a ten-spot, you introduce us to somebody for fifteen seconds.
- Carlton Lassiter: Look, this is a copycat, okay? He saw Turk's picture in the paper, he's looking for attention.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: So he wakes up and sees Turk in the paper naked, humiliated, the butt of jokes at the water cooler, and says, "Hmm, how can I make this work for myself?" What?
- Fred Turk: Who is that person over there? Because he's really making me uncomfortable.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: I'M making YOU uncomfortable right now? Dude, is there any reason why you're not wearing your clothes now?
- Shawn Spencer: Where are they?
- Henry Spencer: Who?
- Shawn Spencer: The "Queer Eye" guys. I know they're here somewhere. Gus, what are their names?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: How am I supposed to know, Shawn?
- Henry Spencer: Carson and Jai... and the guy with the glasses.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Oh, yeah, who cooks the fish.
- Henry Spencer: Right.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: He says it's the single guys trying to keep up on their tans.
- Shawn Spencer: Single guys?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Yeah.
- Shawn Spencer: Maybe that's it. Maybe some woman is targeting singles at the salon. Question is, what kind of loser thinks getting a tan is gonna help him score a woman?
- [Henry walks out in a robe]
- Shawn Spencer: Dad?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: You're gonna pay, Shawn! You are going to pay, believe me.
- Shawn Spencer: No offense, but it's tough to feel threatened by you when you're wearing that shirt. Is that a hibiscus?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: It's not my shirt. It's your dad's. He had to loan me one because mine was covered in snot tears!
- Shawn Spencer: We're going to roll up our sleeves, we're going to get a little bit dirty, and we're going to do some old-fashioned police work. Come on, it's like "In the Heat of the Night", which makes me Caroll O'Connor.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: No, that means you're Rob Steiger. That way, I'm Sidney Poitier.
- Shawn Spencer: You know that's right.
- [Shawn and Gus enter the interrogation room... and see their completely nude witness]
- Shawn Spencer: [turning away] Oh, boy. Wow. Looks like someone beat us to the rolling of the sleeves.