Katherine LaNasa credited as playing...
Lydia
- Lydia: Oh, Charlie, I almost forgot. I'm serving hors d'oeuvres for an open house tomorrow, so I'll need to borrow Berta for a couple of hours.
- Berta: Say what?
- Lydia: [to Berta] I'm talking to Charlie.
- [to Charlie]
- Lydia: You don't mind, do you?
- Charlie Harper: Mind? Well, uh...
- Berta: You want to borrow me? What am I, a carpet steamer?
- Lydia: I'm not saying I won't pay you. Plus, you can take home all the leftovers.
- Berta: Oh, gee! Why don't you just toss 'em in a big bowl and I'll eat 'em out in the yard!
- Lydia: Well, that's a little uncalled for. I thought I was doing you a favor.
- Berta: You wanna do me a favor? You take the money you were going to pay me, convert them into rolls of nickels, then bend over and -
- [Charlie cuts her off]
- Lydia: You need to talk to your maid!
- Charlie Harper: Shh! Keep your voice down!
- Alan Harper: Yeah, we don't use the "M-Word" around here.
- Lydia: Why not?
- Alan Harper: Because it's disrespectful.
- Charlie Harper: And demeaning.
- Alan Harper: And *wildly* inaccurate.