- Charlotte: There's this really cute boy at school.
- Carrie Heffernan: Michael?
- Charlotte: Yeah, but he likes Donna Pizzoni.
- Carrie Heffernan: Well, just make him like you, instead
- Charlotte: How?
- Carrie Heffernan: Well, you just start a nasty rumor about the other girl. You know? "She's a skank" or "she's poor." Could be anything, really, and before you know it, you'll be wearing his varsity jacket.
- Doug Heffernan: Alright, I gotta take a little bathroom break. Who wants to watch the truck?
- [points to fat kid]
- Doug Heffernan: Ain't going to happen.
- Carrie Heffernan: And you guys are okay with this? I mean, you want her to be the mom and not me?
- Charlotte: Uh-huh.
- Kenny: You were cool until you kind of went all nut bar.
- Carrie Heffernan: Bad news ...
- Doug Heffernan: If it's about being out of mini-donuts, I'm aware, and I am not happy.