How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

Swarley (2006)

Josh Radnor: Ted Mosby

Photos 

Quotes 

• Barney Stinson : One time I met a girl... at this very bar...

  [flashback] 

  Barney Stinson : I saw that she had the crazy eyes... but I ignored it. And then, sure enough...

  [further flashback] 

  Lauren : Barney, can I ask you a question?

  Barney Stinson : Anything.

  Lauren : Would you like to have a three-some?

  Barney Stinson : Of course...

  Lauren : Great! It would be me, you and Mr Weasels!

  [back... to reality] 

  Ted Mosby : So, did you do it ?

  Barney Stinson : No. It ended up being just the two-some. With the third one watching from a chair.

  Ted Mosby : Which one were you ?

  Barney Stinson : [looking askance]  I'd rather not say.

• Ted Mosby : Hey dude, by the way, I really like that suit. Tell me about the fabric; is it foreign or something?

  Barney Stinson : Wow... it is foreign. I'm impressed, Ted! It's Moroccan, actually.

  Ted Mosby : Whoa...

  Carl : [Carl interrupts from the bar]  I've got a phone call for Swarley. Is there a Swarley here?

  Barney Stinson : [to Ted]  You weren't interested in my suit at all, were you?

• Ted Mosby : [about Chloe]  So, she's needy crazy. That's one of the worst kinds.

  Barney Stinson : I've had one of those. Makes up stories to get attention. Went out with her for three weeks, her dad died twice.

  Marshall Eriksen : Guys, she was really freaked out, okay? Maybe the story is true.

  Barney Stinson : What in the world would make you believe that's a true story?

  Marshall Eriksen : She's really hot.

• Ted Mosby : So I guess that decides it.

  Marshall Eriksen : Yep.

  Barney Stinson : Hanging out at a coffee place: not nearly as much fun as hanging out at a bar.

  Ted Mosby : [Looks at Marshall's cup]  Hey, what's that?

  Marshall Eriksen : What?

  Ted Mosby : That cute coffee girl wrote a heart by your name!

  [in a sing-song voice] 

  Ted Mosby : Somebody has a crush on you!

  Barney Stinson : [In a sing-song voice as well]  Somebody thinks you're me!

  Marshall Eriksen : Well, what if the heart doesn't mean anything? What if she writes them on all the cups?

  Ted Mosby : Mine says "Ted", no heart.

  Barney Stinson : Mine says... "Swarley"... How'd they get "Swarley" from "Barney"? It's not even a name. Who would ever be called "Swarley"?...

  [sees Marshall and Ted smile] 

  Barney Stinson : Oh, please don't start calling me "Swarley"... This would never happen at a bar!

  [leaves the coffee shop angerly] 

  Ted Mosby : Man! What's up with Swarley?

  Marshall Eriksen : I know. You almost never see old Swarlz get that upset.

• Barney Stinson : [about the girl Marshall's going on a date with]  She's got the... 'Crazy Eyes'.

  Ted Mosby : Dude... the eyes... they're CRAZY.

  Marshall Eriksen : What are you guys talking about; the 'Crazy Eyes'?

  Barney Stinson : It's a well-documented condition of the pupils, or pupi.

  Ted Mosby : Nope, just pupils.

  Barney Stinson : It's an indicator of future mental instability

  Marshall Eriksen : She does not have the crazy eyes.

  Ted Mosby : You just can't see it because you're afflicted with "haven't been laid in a while" blindness.

• Ted Mosby : [Commenting on Marshall's Pumpkin Latte joke]  Alright, there's only two reasons she'd laugh at that: one, it's the first joke she's ever heard, or two, she likes you! You should totally ask her out!

  Marshall Eriksen : [Unsure]  You think?

  Ted Mosby : Yeah! That's why you're not back with Lily, right? So you can experience what it's like to be single.

• Ted Mosby : [Robin's apartment, Robin is on the phone]  Hey, guess what? Oh, sorry.

  Robin Scherbatsky : It's only my mom. She's just rambling on like always. What happened?

  Ted Mosby : Marshall asked out a girl.

  Robin Scherbatsky : Wow.

  [On the phone] 

  Robin Scherbatsky : Well, if anything, that's Dad's fault. That'll keep her going a while.

• Wendy : You all done with that, Ted?

  Ted Mosby : Yeah.

  Barney Stinson : Ned. I told you to call him Ned.

  Ted Mosby : [At Barney]  That is just... sad.

  Wendy : Sorry, Swarley.

• Ted Mosby : Okay, I ran it by the group, and we decided we're gonna give you a choice. We will agree to stop calling you Swarley, but instead, we'll call you Jennifer. Well?

  Barney Stinson : I'm thinking.