How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

The Scorpion and the Toad (2006)

Jason Segel: Marshall Eriksen

Photos 

Quotes 

• Barney Stinson : Being a bachelor in New York is like... what's something that everyone likes?

  Marshall Eriksen : Candy?

  Barney Stinson : Yes. It's like being in a candy store, and all you have to do is grab a couple of Whoppers. Is Whoppers the best one?

  Ted Mosby : Mounds?

  Barney Stinson : Nah.

  Marshall Eriksen : Milk Duds?

  Barney Stinson : Nah.

  Ted Mosby : Gobstoppers?

  Barney Stinson : Um...

  Older Ted Mosby : This went on for hours, so I'll skip right to the end.

  Ted Mosby : Double Bubble?

  Barney Stinson : Nice!

• Barney Stinson : Dude, you were awesome last night. You were charming, you were funny. You were totally working that girl.

  Marshall Eriksen : You went home with her!

  Barney Stinson : Yes, I did. But she told me that if it wasn't for me you would've had a shot with her. So in hypothetical terms, you scored last night! All right! Hypothetical high five!

  [Stares at Marshall for a minute] 

  Barney Stinson : Nice!

• Marshall Eriksen : You said being single would be like a candy store.

  Barney Stinson : I lied. Being single is like a post-apocalyptic wasteland where it's every man for himself. After nine years of captivity, that is my greatest lesson to you.

• Marshall Eriksen : Lily, what are you doing here?

  Lily Aldrin : Oh, oh, I was just walking by. I wasn't... Oh, you mean New York? My program ended. It was just great. Just lots of fun... It was awful. It was the worst mistake I ever made. I'm so sorry, Marshall, and... Hello.

  Marshall Eriksen : Lily, this was the worst summer of my life.

  Lily Aldrin : I know. It was the worst summer of MY life.

  Marshall Eriksen : It was the hardest thing that I've ever had to go through.

  Lily Aldrin : Can we please get back together?

  Marshall Eriksen : [somberly]  All that crap you said to me about, "We need to figure out who we are outside of us, and we need to learn to do things on our own". It broke my heart. Three months ago, you broke my heart.

  Lily Aldrin : [Hurting but trying to stay hopeful]  Can we please get back together?

  Marshall Eriksen : Lily, you were right. All that crap was right. So, no. No, we can't get back together. We shouldn't. At least, not right now.

  Lily Aldrin : Wow. Okay. Yeah. Well... will we still see each other?

  Marshall Eriksen : Yeah, yeah. I think so. I don't know. This is all really new to me. I just got out of a long relationship.

  [Lily giggles meekly] 

  Marshall Eriksen : I like your hair.

  Lily Aldrin : Thanks. I figured new city, a different color.

  [They both smile]