Alyson Hannigan credited as playing...
Lily Aldrin
- Lily Aldrin: Why would I want to change anything? This place is great, except you don't have a TV.
- Barney Stinson: [Points to wall] See that wall?
- [Turns on TV]
- Barney Stinson: 300 inch flatscreen! They only sell them in Japan but I know a guy. They ship it over in a tugboat like freakin' King Kong!
- Lily Aldrin: It hurts my eyes...
- Barney Stinson: Yeah, that doesn't go away.
- Lily Aldrin: Barney, you've clearly some some serious mother issues that have left you the emotional equivalent of a scavenging sewer rat. But in my other apartment, I'd be living with an actual scavenging sewer rat, so, you win.
- Barney Stinson: While guys like Ted and Marshall may hide their porn...
- Lily Aldrin: Marshall does not porn.
- Barney Stinson: Ha ha ha, that's sweet.
- Ted Mosby: Is that a toilet in your kitchen?
- Ted Mosby: Or a stove in your bathroom?
- Lily Aldrin: Oh... that's not just a stove. That's a stoveinkerator! A combination of a stove, oven, sink and refrigerator. Stoveinkerator! Isn't that futuristic?
- Ted Mosby: God, I hope not.
- Narrator: Your Uncle Barney was always a bit of an enigma. In all the years we lived in new york, none of us had ever set foot in his apartment. Until one day, one of us did.
- Barney Stinson: [In Barney's bed, Lily and Barney wake up] Aaaaaaah!
- Lily Aldrin: Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!
- Narrator: It's a pretty good story. And believe it or not, alcohol did not play a role.
- Barney Stinson: You were supposed to be the vaccine, but you gave me the disease. You gotta go.
- Lily Aldrin: Barney. I don't think you're mad at me. You're mad at yourself. You let down your guard, and let someone into your life, and it actually felt okay. And that terrifies you.
- Barney Stinson: Uh-huh. You gotta go.
- Barney Stinson: [both screaming after waking up in the same bed] I can't believe we just... You and I... What have we done?
- Lily Aldrin: [realizing, relieved] Nothing. Nothing happened. We-we just went to sleep.
- Barney Stinson: Just went to sleep? I don't sleep in the same bed as a woman and not make a move. How could... You. You spooned me against my will.
- Lily Aldrin: Hey, it takes two to cuddle.
- Barney Stinson: We... We... We redecorated my place. We stayed in on a Friday night to watch Letterman, and then slept together and didn't have sex? Oh, my god, we're in a relationship.
- Barney Stinson: Look around you, Lily! You are in the heart of Bachelor Country. And as a woman, you are an illegal immigrant here. Now, you could try to apply for a sex visa, but that only lasts twelve hours... fourteen if you qualify for multiple entry, heh!
- Lily Aldrin: Ewwww... is something some lame, judgmental chick would say, but I say 'gimme multiple high-fives'!
- Barney Stinson: Wow, you really are desperate.
- Lily Aldrin: I really am.