Dan Hedaya: Jack Monk

Mr. Monk Meets His Dad

Jack Monk

Other truckdriver on transistorradio: [over transistorradio] Addicus One, This is Gumbo Five, just wanted to let you know you're coming up on a plain brown wrapper.
Adrian Monk: [picks up mic and respons] Roger that, if we see it we *will* stop and pick it up.
Jack Monk: [laughs] A plain brown wrapper... that's an unmarked policecar. He is trying to warn us.
Adrian Monk: [picks up mic again] Gumbo Five, this is Addicus One: You are making it harder for Highway Patrol to enforce the local speedlimit, which isn't very cool. Over.
Other truckdriver on transistorradio: Jack, who the hell is that?

Jack Monk: Adrian! How are you?
Adrian Monk: How am I? Is that what you said?
Jack Monk: Yes. How are you? It's a rather conventional salutation. In Texas people use it all the time.

[spoiler]
Adrian Monk: Jack, pull over! Stop, stop the truck.
[Jack does]
Adrian Monk: Tell me about your boss. Is he a driver?
Jack Monk: He used to be.
Adrian Monk: Does he ever borrow any of these trucks?
Jack Monk: Yeah, all the time. How do you know that?
Adrian Monk: Here's what happened: Ben Glaser borrowed a truck, this truck. And he drove out to see Kenneth Woods. They must've had a fight.
Jack Monk: Makes sense, they hated each other.
Adrian Monk: Ben killed Kenneth, and he hid his body. But he had a problem. There was a record of where he had driven that day.
Jack Monk: Big brother!
Adrian Monk: Right. And he knew that eventually the cops would check the GPS computer. He had to erase it and quick. He had to put 5,000 more miles on this truck, so the box would reset.
Jack Monk: So he sends me out on this wild goose chase!

Other Prisoner: [Orphans are are looking at their bad Christmas presents] An Easter bunny?
Jack Monk: That's correct.
Nun: [holding a cassette tape] Who's Ronnie Milsap?
Jack Monk: I've no idea.
Fourth Orphan: What's this?
Jack Monk: It's a dreidel.
Fourth Orphan: What does it do?
Jack Monk: I don't know.

[as their truck is careening down a hill, out of control]
Jack Monk: I gotta say something. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you and Ambrose. I'm so sorry. Oh, I'm a bad father. That's all that matters.
Adrian Monk: You're not a bad father, look at Jack, Jr.
Jack Monk: He's a *putz*!
Adrian Monk: What?
Jack Monk: Actually, he's not even a putz. He dreams one day of becoming a putz! He lives downstairs in my basement. He smokes pot all day long. He steals money from my wallet.
Adrian Monk: He's not... a doctor?
Jack Monk: No, I made it up. I lied. I wanted to have a son that I could be proud of. I didn't know I had one in San Francisco.