Quotes
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Gus : Was that guy trying to help me? Because I feel really creeped out right now.
Shawn Spencer : Dude, he put you on the creepy train headed for creepy island where the creepy natives drink creepy nectar out of creepy coconuts...
Gus : Shawn!
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Gus : [after Shawn asks him to call a stress line] I don't know what to say!
Shawn Spencer : Here's a good opener... 'Hello, my name is Gus, and I have a deep seated jealousy for a tiny little boy cat.'
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Shawn Spencer : Let me tell you something. This cat here is a gift, a conduit for us to save lives. And he is more integrity in his furry little hand...
Gus : Paw.
Shawn Spencer : Paw. Than most people have in their whole... appendages. Appendages.
Gus : What?
Shawn Spencer : All of. Than most people have in all of their appendages... combined.
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Shawn Spencer : [while "channeling" the spirit of an apparent suicide victim who had just landed a role in a play] I dazzle... And I stretch. I dazzle... And I stretch.
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Shawn Spencer : You take cats?
Wes Hiltonbock : Uh, yeah, I guess so. You two guys have a cat?
Shawn Spencer : We do, actually. It sort of like our child.
Wes Hiltonbock : I see. How you guys, uh, know each other?
Burton 'Gus' Guster : We're partners.
Wes Hiltonbock : Gotcha.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : Oh, no, no.
Wes Hiltonbock : It's fine, really, I'm totally fine.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : No, we're partners in our private...
Shawn Spencer : - relationship. Believe it, it's been a while. We finish each other's sentences. So, tell me, Wes, uh, why would you want to give up such a handsome apartment? Do you, uh, do you not like it anymore? Ooh, Gus, good news, shower for two.
Wes Hiltonbock : Uh.
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Carlton Lassiter : [after Shawn puts the cat in the backseat of a car where a body was found] He's peeing!
Shawn Spencer : No, he's drawing your attention to the evidence.
Carlton Lassiter : By peeing on it!
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Shawn Spencer : [driving] I'm telling you, the cat is NOT my new partner!
Gus : [in the backseat] Then how come he gets to ride shotgun?
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Shawn Spencer : The man with his gun trained on you is not only a fine human being with a strong Irish hairline, he is an exemplary public servant and arguably the finest detective mind in the lower western Santa Barbara County area over the age of 35.
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Shawn Spencer : You're wrong! There is a witness. There's a cat, I wanna talk to that cat. As soon as he's finish licking himself. Wow, I'm jealous.
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[Shawn is eating in the middle of a crime scene]
Gus : How do you just eat when there's a dead guy laying there?
Shawn Spencer : What, is that rude? Am I supposed to share?
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Shawn Spencer : [shouting to McNab] McNab! Nabby!
[to Gus]
Shawn Spencer : Buzz.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : Buzz? Seriously?
Shawn Spencer : It's his first name. Don't you ever talk to him?
Burton 'Gus' Guster : Why would I talk to someone named Buzz?
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Burton 'Gus' Guster : To be honest, I'm burnt. I just wanna take a nap.
Shawn Spencer : Couldn't agree with you more, buddy. I think we should lay low for a bit. No more cases.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : Oh, I'm glad to here you say that. I was kind of worried about telling you.
Shawn Spencer : Don't be a silly goose. Now, we've had a talk. I think we both felt it. And look at this. Here we are.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : What is it, Shawn?
Shawn Spencer : Ok, here's the thing. The police *may* have found a body, which I *may* have picked up on my police scanner, which I *may* have brought with me.
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Juliet O'Hara : We're waiting for forensics to confirm, but it appears to be a suicide. Carbon monoxide poisoning. Asphyxiation.
Shawn Spencer : [holding the cat] Oh, I'm afraid the cat doesn't think so.
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Juliet O'Hara : What makes you think I would do anything to help you?
Shawn Spencer : Some would say it's the hair.
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Shawn Spencer : I'd like to talk to that cat... as soon as he's finished licking himself.
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Shawn Spencer : I want to talk to that cat... once he's finished licking himself.
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Shawn Spencer : [puts ear up to cat] Oh what's that? Oh I think he wants to sit in your chair, Gus. Is that cool?
Gus : How long are you gonna keep this up?
Shawn Spencer : Until we solve the crime!
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Carlton Lassiter : What in the name of sweet justice are you doing at my crime scene?
Shawn Spencer : Your crime scene? That's funny, I didn't see your name on it anywhere.
Carlton Lassiter : Ha, ha. Get out!
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Carlton Lassiter : That was adequate, Spencer.
Shawn Spencer : Don't thank me. Thank the little boy cat.
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Carlton Lassiter : There are no witnesses.
Shawn Spencer : I'd like to talk to that cat - as soon as he's finished licking himself.
