Hugh Laurie: Dr. Gregory House

Meaning

Dr. Gregory House

Dr. Gregory House: You want something, I want something. We compromise. It's the grown-up way to resolve our differen...
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: There already is a mechanism for that. It's called the employer/employee relationship. I get what I want and you don't.

Dr. Gregory House: Inject him with Cortisol. The guy'll have sex with his wife again! He'll hug his kid again! Hopefully that's the combination he was using... be a shame if I had cured a pedophile.

Dr. Allison Cameron: You did something for which she's grateful and you're... embarassed?
Dr. Gregory House: For you. She saw you coming and thought you were a 14-year-old boy. I set her straight.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I am not telling you what went wrong... or right. Until you tell me why she said "Thank you."
Dr. Gregory House: Oh, you got me. You know I need to know. I am so gonna fold. Except you're forgetting there's one thing I can do now.
[looks over Cameron's shoulder. She glances in that direction and then House runs in the opposite direction]

Dr. Gregory House: For the first time in years, I've got no opiates in my body. Now you question my judgment?

Mark McNeil: He wouldn't kill himself.
Dr. Gregory House: Fine. I'm wrong. You obviously have a better understanding of this man who drools in front of your TV set 24 hours a day.
Caren Krause: Dr. House?
Mark McNeil: He... he must've been confused, all right? It must have been an accident.
Dr. Gregory House: I hope it was a suicide attempt. If he was trying to kill himself, then he knows how miserable his life is. It means there's still something there to kill. It means your dad's still there.

Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [to House] You ran here?
Dr. Gregory House: [out of breath] It's just... eight miles.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Why did you...
Dr. Gregory House: Why does a dog lick its workplace-acceptable euphemism for testicles?
Dr. James Wilson: Because he can.

Dr. Robert Chase: [about the patient] We trached him, endoscopically removed the probe and he's breathing again. So, all in all, great idea.
Dr. Gregory House: Get a look at the pancreas before the world ended?
Dr. Eric Foreman: It was clean.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Which means barring anything else, meaning you, he can go home tomorrow.
Dr. Gregory House: This man nearly died. How can you discharge him?
Dr. Allison Cameron: His throat collapsed because of what we predicted.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You stick something down someone's throat, they gag, spasm which he did. It took us a half an hour to get that thing out.
Dr. Gregory House: Except that our patient's throat was sedated which means the brain should have sent a signal not to do anything. This could be cancer, or some bizarre neuro-degeneration, even a new type of vasculitis...
Dr. Allison Cameron: Stop it.
[stands in House's way]
Dr. Allison Cameron: You're enjoying this.
Dr. Gregory House: I find it interesting.
Dr. Allison Cameron: It's interesting only if you're right. If you're wrong, we're torturing this guy to amuse you.

Dr. Gregory House: [about the patient] Re-do every blood test he's ever had. Re-scan his head.
Dr. Allison Cameron: No.
[House turns around and looks at her]
Dr. Allison Cameron: He's been sick and suffering for 8 years. I'm not going to help you make it worse. I'm not going to help you make it interesting.
Dr. Gregory House: That's okay. Foreman's better at that stuff than you are. We need 5mm cuts through the occipital and hypothalamic regions.
Dr. Eric Foreman: No.
Dr. Robert Chase: [Everyone looks over at Chase] How many millimeters?

Dr. Gregory House: Except you're not an idiot. And she is holding a file for a 26-year-old female. What do you really got for me?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Girl was doing an inverted yoga pose, neck snapped, paralyzed from the neck down. Except the X-rays show no evidence of spinal injury. And she's cute.
Dr. Gregory House: Oh, well-played, sir.

Dr. Allison Cameron: You want us to dissect eight years of medical history with grunting in the differential?
Dr. Gregory House: Sounds good. Call me when you're done.