- Douglas 'Doug' Yancy Funnie: [about Judy] I have to stop her, for her own sake.
- Mosquito 'Skeeter' Valentine: How can you do that?
- Douglas 'Doug' Yancy Funnie: Maybe if I get on her good side. Maybe if I use a little psychology.
- [walks over to Judy]
- Douglas 'Doug' Yancy Funnie: Hey, Judy...
- Judith 'Judy' Anastasia Funnie: Yes, I'm performing at your school tomorrow and no, there's nothing you can do to change my mind.
- Douglas 'Doug' Yancy Funnie: Oh, okay. See you later.
- [Doug walks back to Skeeter]
- Mosquito 'Skeeter' Valentine: Did you use psychology on her, Doug?
- Douglas 'Doug' Yancy Funnie: I guess psychology doesn't work on older sisters.
- [after Judy's performance]
- Roger M. Klotz: Hey, uh, Funnie, you wanna know what I thought of that show?
- Douglas 'Doug' Yancy Funnie: Well...
- Roger M. Klotz: I loved it! It was great!
- Douglas 'Doug' Yancy Funnie: Really?
- Roger M. Klotz: Yeah. It completely got me out of taking a math test.
- [laughs]
- Roger M. Klotz: You can tell your sister she can come back anytime she likes.
- Patricia 'Patti' Mayonnaise: Well, looks like Mr. Bone got his yodeling trophy stolen again.
- Beebe Bluff: Why would anyone wanna steal that dumb trophy?
- Douglas 'Doug' Yancy Funnie: I didn't know Mr. Bone knew how to yodel.
- Patricia 'Patti' Mayonnaise: Remember what happened last year?
- Mosquito 'Skeeter' Valentine: Yeah, Mr. Bone found it inside a meatloaf in the cafeteria.
- Douglas 'Doug' Yancy Funnie: [opens his locker] Boy, would I like to see the look on the face of the poor sap who gets caught with that...
- [to his horror, Doug finds the yodeling trophy in his locker, causing him to gasp in shock]
- [Doug shows Skeeter the trophy in his locker]
- Mosquito 'Skeeter' Valentine: Wow! So you're the one. Cool, man! I've never known a criminal before.
- Douglas 'Doug' Yancy Funnie: No, Skeeter. I've been framed! Someone planted it in my locker.
- [Patti walks up to the boys]
- Patricia 'Patti' Mayonnaise: Hey, Doug. Hey, Skeeter.
- Douglas 'Doug' Yancy Funnie: I didn't do it!
- Mosquito 'Skeeter' Valentine: He was framed!
- Patricia 'Patti' Mayonnaise: Huh?
- Douglas 'Doug' Yancy Funnie: I mean, how you doing? Heh heh.
- Mosquito 'Skeeter' Valentine: [whispers] Ixnay on the ophytray.
- Patricia 'Patti' Mayonnaise: Oh ho ho ho! You guys are crazy. Anyway, good luck with your locker inspection. See ya.
- Douglas 'Doug' Yancy Funnie: [after explaining his situation] I don't know what to do with it, Judy.
- Judith 'Judy' Anastasia Funnie: Hmm.
- [turns on her spotlight]
- Judith 'Judy' Anastasia Funnie: How about you weep a lot?
- [pretends to weep]
- Judith 'Judy' Anastasia Funnie: Beg for mercy, and tell Mr. Bone about your wife and six kids that don't have a trophy.
- Douglas 'Doug' Yancy Funnie: No. Skeeter said the guy who stole the trophy two years ago tried begging for mercy and he's still doing time in detention.
- Judith 'Judy' Anastasia Funnie: Okay, let's see. I got it.
- [makes a goofy face]
- Judith 'Judy' Anastasia Funnie: You plead insanity.
- Douglas 'Doug' Yancy Funnie: No. Skunky Beaumont tried that last year and now he has to see the guidance counselor every day.
- Judith 'Judy' Anastasia Funnie: This is gonna be tougher than I thought.
- Douglas 'Doug' Yancy Funnie: Huh. I wonder if anyone's ever tried telling the truth.
- Judith 'Judy' Anastasia Funnie: That's it!
- Douglas 'Doug' Yancy Funnie: That's what?
- Judith 'Judy' Anastasia Funnie: You said it. Tell the truth. It might just be crazy enough to work.
- Roger M. Klotz: Just a final warning, Doug. You tattle on me and I'll...
- Douglas 'Doug' Yancy Funnie: I won't tell, Roger. Who's gonna believe me, anyway? Possession's 9/10 of the law, remember?
- Roger M. Klotz: Oh, yeah, I remember.
- [as Roger sits in Mr. Bone's seat, he places his feet on the desk, accidentally hitting the button that turns on the loudspeakers]
- Douglas 'Doug' Yancy Funnie: Uh, Roger, I wouldn't do...
- Roger M. Klotz: Shut up, Funnie! I know what I'm doing. I'm smart, remember?
- Douglas 'Doug' Yancy Funnie: But, Roger...
- [while in her classroom, Mrs. Wingo hears Roger talk over the loudspeaker]
- Roger M. Klotz: I was clever enough to sneak in here and steal Mr. Bonehead's piece-of-junk yodeling trophy, wasn't I? Yodel-ay-hee-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Yes, Mr. Bone, I'm a fan of yodeling! Yodel-ay-hee-hoo! Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!
- [everyone in Mrs. Wingo's class hears Roger and laughs]
- Mrs. Wingo: Oh, my goodness!
- [Mr. Bone is exiting the storage room when he hears Roger over the loudspeaker]
- Roger M. Klotz: Yeah, yeah. I waited for Mr. Bonehead to leave his office, snuck in and stole his stupid trophy, and stuffed the goofy-looking thing in your locker!
- [Mr. Bone runs to his office and opens the door to find Roger with his feet on his desk]
- Douglas 'Doug' Yancy Funnie: [notices Mr. Bone] Uh, Roger, uh...
- Roger M. Klotz: What's the matter, Funnie? You look as goofy as Mr. Bonehead!
- [Roger laughs, then turns to see Mr. Bone]
- Roger M. Klotz: AAAAAHH!
- [a furious Mr. Bone glares at Roger]
- Roger M. Klotz: Mr. Bone, I-I can explain! Uh, I can explain!
- Assistant Principal Lamar Bone: Don't even try! Save your strength, you're gonna need it all! You're gonna be polishing trophies for a LONG time, mister!
- [school is over, the kids are leaving, and Roger is climbing down from a ladder after finishing polishing a trophy]
- Assistant Principal Lamar Bone: Oh, and, Roger? Before you go, I have one more trophy for you to polish.
- Roger M. Klotz: One more trophy? Heh. No problem, Mr. Bone. Ha ha ha ha ha!
- [Mr. Bone pulls back a curtain, revealing a large, human-sized trophy]
- Roger M. Klotz: [shocked] Ah ha ha.
- Assistant Principal Lamar Bone: And while you're working, I'm gonna entertain you with the song that won me that award.