The Promotion (2008)
John C. Reilly: Richard Wehlner
Photos
Quotes
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Richard : We're all just out here trying to get some food... sometimes, we bump into each other.
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[Richard explains to the board of directors the sign that cited the deli clerk as employee of the month for "cutting the cheese."]
Richard : 'Cutting the cheese' simply means 'cutting the actual cheese'. It doesn't have a double-thing? So I just missed it. Because in Canada, it's 'cracking'.
Mitch : The expression.
Richard : It's 'cracking', in Canada, yeah. We crack the cheese.
[Long pause between Richard and the board of directors]
Richard : Cracking it? Cracking the cheese? So I simply, really believed that Rogelio had been given an inter-deli award... for cutting the actual cheese. I'm sorry.
[Another long pause as a board member writes Richard's comments]
Richard : I simply believed Rogelio had been given an inter-deli award...
Mitch : I heard you the first time.
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[During the motivational retreat, the employees form a circle around the retreat leader. They are instructed to place paper bags over their heads]
Retreat Leader : I want you to take off one thing that you don't need... quickly! Come on.
[Everyone takes off their paper bags, except Richard, who removes his watch. They all stare at Richard, who still has his paper bag over his head]
Retreat Leader : Let's take something else off that you really don't need... right away!
[Richard takes off his shoes as some of the employees begin to laugh]
Retreat Leader : Something else you don't need, let's make it happen. Come on!
[Richard removes his belt while the employees continue to laugh]
Retreat Leader : Something else you don't need. Come on, let's go. Something completely unnecessary.
[Richard turns to his right]
Richard : Doug, can we take our sack off?
Doug Stauber : What?
[Everyone bursts in laughter]
Richard : Did you take your sack off?
Doug Stauber : I can't really hear you.
Retreat Leader : If you could take off one more thing you simply do not need. Do it!
Richard : [whispers] Fuck!
[Richard removes his shirt, revealing a tattoo of the band KISS on his chest, to the delight of everyone else]
Retreat Leader : Okay, uhhh... all right, everybody that still has a bag on top of their heads, scream, 'My concentration skills need improvement.' One, two, three.
Richard : My concentration skills need improvement!
[Everyone bursts into laughter]
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[after giving his apology speech at a community center following his incident with a gang at the supermarket, Doug meets with Richard, the board of directors and the community leaders]
First Community Leader : I think everybody is feeling pretty good about it.
Richard : Yeah.
First Community Leader : It's isolated.
Richard : Oh yeah, it's a one-time thing.
First Community Leader : What's that?
Richard : I agree, it's isolated. I think it was just some 'black apples'. We won't be seeing that happen again.
[Long pause between everyone]
First Community Leader : Black apples.
Richard : What's that?
First Community Leader : You said, 'black apples'?
[Another long pause]
Richard : I said bad ones...?
First Community Leader : The fuck you said bad.
Richard : Bad apples?
First Community Leader : You said black.
Richard : I'm sorry if there's some confusion. Maybe in the confusion, I...
Mitch : Hey, come on. It's been a long day. That was a slip.
First Community Leader : This is a lot of shit.
Richard : You are not a black apple to me. I said, that possibly, there was one black one in the batch, not you. And I didn't mean to say black. I meant 'back'... 'blatch', blah... 'blapples'.
[Long pause between everyone]
First Community Leader : Where'd you get this fucker?
[the community leaders walk away as Mitch follows them]
Mitch : Let's catch up outside. I'll hit you with some gift certificates.
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Richard : [to Donnie Wahls] Hey, good luck... because you're gonna' need it.
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[Richard struggles to assemble a ship in a bottle while his motivational tape plays in the background]
Motivational Speaker : Have you ever seen an eagle blow his top? Do your best to keep your cool.
Richard : Stay loose...
[the ship tips over when Richard places his tweezers near it]
Richard : Fuck!
Motivational Speaker : Every life has its frustrations, but be careful not to let them get the best of you in front of your family. Instead of curses, find a more family-friendly way to express life's frustrations.
[Richard drops his tweezers inside the bottle, causing him to get up in anger]
Richard : Fuck you! Ship fuck! Asshole ship! Seven seas fucker! Jolly fucker!
Lori Wehlner : For Christ's sake...
Richard : No one can do that! It's impossible! Not even a guy with tiny hands! Not even a guy with a child's hands! Fuck that!
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Hardy : Hey, Mr. Wehlner.
Richard : Hey, Hardy. How are you doing?
Hardy : I'm doing good.
Richard : What did you do last night?
Hardy : I went to the movies with my sister.
Richard : You did?
Hardy : Yeah.
Richard : That sounds awesome.
Hardy : Guess what?
Richard : What?
Hardy : I'm growing a mustache.
Richard : All right. That's cool.
[offers a handshake]
Richard : Hey, Hardy, you're doing a great job at the store here.
Hardy : Thanks.
Richard : Keep it up.
[as Hardy walks away, Richard feels his right hand after shaking it with Hardy and gives an uneasy look on his face. Doug sees this and approaches him]
Doug Stauber : What's going on?
Richard : Oh, nothing. Just... Hardy. It just gets sad, sometimes. Do you know why Hardy's hand is powdered?
Doug Stauber : Why?
Richard : These retarded guys... masturbate so much that they rub the skin off their penises. They don't know better, and that they have a hard time not jerking off.
[Mitch and the board of directors appear behind Richard]
Richard : Hey!
[Richard walks away as Mitch approaches Doug. He watches the conversation from a distance]
Mitch : Was he talking about jerking off in the store?
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Richard : You hear that guy? 'Where'd you get this fucker?' Maybe I don't belong here. Maybe he's right.
Lori Wehlner : You, you just... you said, 'blapples', hon. It was weird.