Undergrads (TV Series)

Screw Week (2001)

Pete Williams: Parker 'Nitz' Walsh, Justin 'Gimpy' Taylor, Cal Evans, Rocko Gambiani, The Duggler

Quotes 

• [Nitz sees Kimmy crying in a bedroom] 

  Kimmy Burton : I um... spilled my beer there. Sorry. Oh, I'm such a screw up.

  Nitz : No, it's okay. I don't drink, so maybe I'll absorb the beer through my skin and then I'll be wasted.

  [Kimmy chuckles, then resumes sobbing] 

  Nitz : So, you didn't get called back for next year, huh?

  Kimmy Burton : No, I did. I aced my audition.

  Nitz : So why are you crying?

  Kimmy Burton : Because Mark, the guy I've had a crush on for two years, he's...

  [sniff] 

  Kimmy Burton : he's...

  [sniff] 

  Kimmy Burton : oh, look.

  [sees Mark and Lance French-kissing each other] 

  Nitz : He's GAY?

  [thought "balloon" of Nitz celebrating wildly] 

• Rocko : What the hell is your problem?

  Nitz : Kimmy might not be coming back to State U next year.

  Rocko : Wah wah.

  Nitz : She's really upset dude, and she keeps calling me to talk about it, because she thinks I'm all level headed, and I like listen to her and stuff.

  Rocko : So you're a shoulder to cry on guy. That's awesome. It puts you in the perfect position to score with her.

  Nitz : What?

  Rocko : C'mon Nitz. Screw Week. Kimmy is sitting there sobbing to you about blah blah blah, she gets all emotional, emotional leads to physical and then, you know, you take advantage of her. Just like we've always talked about.

  Nitz : Rocko, I would never prey on Kimmy's vulnerability like that.

  Rocko : Sure Nitz sure, and I'd never drink lard out of a dirty ashtray for five bucks.

• Rocko : Stupid gnome.

• Rocko : Yo, Craigy! Remember that time me, you, Reingold and Kagan found that goat? Damn, that was the most.

  Craig the fraternity leader : Rocko, there's no-one named Reingold or Kagan in our fraternity.

  Rocko : Oh... well I know there was me, and there was definitely a goat.

• Gimpy : Good-bye wall. I'll never forget how you held up my Star Wars posters proud and tall. Good-bye floor, thank you for not crumbling under the weight of my genius. Good-bye desk, good-bye chair, good-bye, uhh...

  [looks at his bed] 

  Gimpy : I don't think we've ever been formally introduced.

• [last lines] 

  Jessie : You son of a bitch. You left me alone at the party and ditched me to hook up with Kimmy who was so drunk. Do think she's dating you now? That she's in love with you now?

  Nitz : I...

  Jessie : Shut up. God I can't believe I let you bitch and moan to me about everything, and not once, *not once* did you ever get the idea that I might have been doing it for a reason. Haven't you learned anything this whole year about *anything*?

• Craig the fraternity leader : Listen Rocko, I'm sure this doesn't come as a surprise to you, but we don't like you. In fact, we hate you. I don't know why we let you in the fraternity in the first place.

  Rocko : Well, I don't know why, all of you, let a bunch of brothers like, all of you, in this frat either.

• Mump : How's the packing going?

  Gimpy : Packing? I'm not packing. I'm building a life-size replica of the Death Star. You know when this battle station is fully operational...

  Mump : Uh sir, we have to move in three days. The school year is almost over.

  Gimpy : Then we will double our efforts!

  Mump : No really sir. We have to move.

  Gimpy : The Emperor is coming here?

  Mump : Sir?

  Gimpy : [In an alien language]  Jabba's put a price on your head so large, every bounty hunter in the galaxy...

  Mump : Stop quoting Star Wars.

  Gimpy : The little round guy is right. I'm going to have to leave my room!

  [Lowers his welding mask] 

  Gimpy : But with the blast shield down I can't even see! How am I supposed to fight? Myeh.

• Rocko : Why don't we all live together next year?

  Nitz : Wow Rocko, that's actually a great idea.

  Rocko : Meh, law of averages.

• Rocko : Well, you're my last hope man. Wanna shack up?

  Bobby Whiskey : Well Rocko, I am flattered, but I'm an alcohol induced hallucination.

  Rocko : Damn it! What am I gonna do?

  Bobby Whiskey : Well, you could get drunk. Ahh yeah.

• Nitz : What's up with all the socks on the doors?

  Cal : Don't you know anything guy? You put a sock on your door when you're having sex so your roommate doesn't walk in on you.

  Nitz : Hey wait a minute, why don't you ever put a sock on our door?

  Cal : I don't wear socks, guy!

  Nitz : So all of these people are having sex right now?

  Cal : M-hmm.

  [Nitz gasps as he sees a sock on the Duggler's door] 

  Nitz : Even the Duggler is getting it on? Stupid Screw Week!

  Cal : [Nitz walks away, Cal knocks on the Duggler's door]  Hey guy, I'm ready to start my RA training!

  The Duggler : Super! Lesson 1, the doorknob is the best place to dry your laundry.

• [Rocko is looking for a roommate] 

  Charity : Wait, aren't you that guy that I dated, for like, two days?

  Rocko : Yeah, and you never put out.

• Nitz : Why is Kimmy so upset? Why is Mark the drama guy's hand on her shoulder? Will Kimmy use this 'screw week' as an excuse to hook up with Mark?

  Jessie : The answers to these questions, and more, on next week's episode of "Who Gives A Rat's Ass".

• The Duggler : RA's don't have time for friends... that's what I keep telling myself.