Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson • Stu's Friend • Grampa Simpson • ...

Two Bad Neighbors

Homer Simpson • Stu's Friend • Grampa Simpson • Squeaky-Voiced Teen • Gerald Ford

[Santa's Little Helper goes off running with George Bush, leaving Homer all alone]
Homer: I guess you might say he's barking up the wrong Bush.
Homer's Brain: There it is, Homer. The cleverest thing you'll ever say and nobody heard it.
Homer: D'oh!

Homer: [in an exaggerated tone] Yoo-hoo.!
George Bush: Who is it?
Homer: [in an exaggerated tone] It's your sons, George Bush, Jr. and Jeb Bush. Come outside, Dad.
George Bush: Oh, good.
[yells]
George Bush: Bar! The boys are in the front yard. They'll help me think of a plan to get those Simpsons.
Barbara Bush: Oh, George! Is that all you ever think about? The boys probably just want a letter of recommendation.
[George Bush steps outside the front door as the cardboard cutouts roll upwards]
George Bush: Boys? Where are you going?
Homer: [shouts to Bart as he is on the roof] Okay, son. Give him the glue!
[Bart squeezes glue onto George's head from the roof and Homer slaps a rainbow afro wig on and runs away]

Marge: Can we get rid of this Ayatollah tee-shirt? Khomeini died years ago.
Homer: But Marge, it works on any Ayatollah! Ayatollah Nakhbadeh, Ayatollah Zahedi... Even as we speak, Ayatollah Razmara and his cadre of fanatics are consolidating their power!

Homer: He spanked you? You? Bart Simpson?
Bart: I begged him to stop, but he said it was for the good of the nation.
Grampa: Big deal! When I was a pup, we got spanked by presidents till the cows came home. Grover Cleveland spanked me on two nonconsecutive occasions!
Marge: Grampa, I know in your day spanking was common... but Homer and I just don't believe in that kind of punishment.
Grampa: And that's why your no-good kids are running wild!
[Pointing the finger at Lisa while reading the book]

Homer: First, Bush invades my home turf, then he takes my pals, then he makes fun of the way I talk... probably. Now he steals my right to raise a disobedient, smart-alecky son! Well, that's it!

Homer: [outside a fancy, gated house] Hey, I never noticed this place.
Bart: Dad, it's right across the street from us. That fancy house will never sell. Nobody who could afford it would wanna live in this neighborhood.
Homer: [insulted] Hey, what's wrong with this neighborhood?
[shouting at the empty house through the gate]
Homer: Big shot! Too good to buy a house here, snobby?
Bart: Who are you talking to, Homer?
Homer: The guy who doesn't live there.

Homer: [to the townsfolk at the rummage sale] Hey, everybody! Who thinks Flanders should shut up?

Marge: [in his car, Bush does donuts in the front yard] President Bush is driving on our lawn! He must be lost.
Homer: [darkly] He's not lost.
Bart: Looks like we're experiencing some blowback from the wig offensive.
Homer: It's time to hit him where he lives.
Bart: His house?
Homer: Bingo.

Homer: Good old Evergreen Terrace, the swankiest street in the classiest part of Pressboard Estates.
Bart: Well, if you love it so much, why are you always littering?
Homer: [throwing his beer can on the ground] It's easier. Duh.

Bart: Wow! A former president living right across the street.
Homer: Oh! Why did he have to move in on my territory? Look at him. Thinks just because he led the free world, he can act like a big shot. Stupid president. Why couldn't he just stay in his own state?
Lisa Simpson: Actually, this is one of the nine states where Mr. Bush claims residency, dad. I wouldn't have voted for him, but it's nice to have a celebrity in the neighborhood.
Homer: Wait a minute. If Lisa didn't vote for him, and I didn't vote for him...
Marge: You didn't vote for anybody.
Homer: I voted for Prell to go back to the old glass bottle. After that, I became deeply cynical.

Marge: [going through junk to get rid of] Well, we don't need this.
Homer: But, Marge, that's the Rhinestone Nights fashion gun. I need it to rhinestone up my old clothing.
Marge: [he holds up a denim jacket] Who's Disco Stu?
Homer: Oh, uh, I wanted to write "Disco stud", but I ran out of space. Not that Disco Stu didn't get his share of the action.

Homer: You owe me an apology.
George Bush: Hey, you owe me an apology. If you were any kind of a father, you'd have disciplined that boy a long time ago.

Homer: This is gonna be sweet. 200 bottle rockets, and George Bush doing toe-touches by an open window.
Bart: If you get one up his butt, it's a million points.

George Bush: Hi, there, neighbors. Uh, I'm... George Bush.
[shocked stares]
George Bush: Former President George Bush?
[murmurs of recognition]
Homer: Okay, let's give it up for the new guy. Now, let's all turn around and pay attention to me again.

Apu Nahasapeemapetilon: [washing his car as Homer and Bart approach] Howdy, neighbor. May I spray you with the hose in a playful fashion?
Homer: Uh... spray the boy.

Homer: [pulling into the Krusty Burger drive-thru] Oh, man! I only got one minute 'til they stop serving those breakfast balls.
[seeing another car already in line]
Homer: D'oh!
George Bush: Let's see now. What do you folks have here, huh? Hmm, a Krusty Burger. That doesn't sound too appetizing. What kind of stew do you have today?
Squeaky-Voiced Teen: [over the intercom] Uh, we don't have stew.
Ray Johnson: [Homer starts honking his horn impatiently] Sir, why don't you just have the cheeseburger?
George Bush: Oh, that's really more of a weekend thing, Ray.
Homer: Hey, jerk! Move your fanny!
George Bush: That guy is louder than World War II. Ray, go see what the rhubarb is, will you?
Ray Johnson: [going back to Homer's car] Sir, could you pop your hood?
Homer: [as he does so, Ray disables the horn] Hey! My taxes paid for that horn.

Homer: Marge, I'm bored.
Marge: Why don't you read something?
Homer: Because I'm trying to reduce my boredom.
Marge: Well, you could hand out these flyers for the neighborhood rummage sale. You'd get some fresh air and exercise.
Homer: Eh, I'll do it anyway.
[grabbing a passing Bart]
Homer: Come on, boy. We're going to see the neighbors.