- Mr. Dewey Largo: Miss Simpson, do you find something funny about the word "tromboner"?
- Lisa Simpson: No, sir. I was laughing at something outside.
- Sherri: She was looking at Nelson!
- Class: Lisa likes Nelson!
- Milhouse: She does not!
- Class: Milhouse likes Lisa!
- Janey: He does not!
- Class: Janey likes Milhouse!
- Uter: She does not!
- Class: Uter likes Milhouse.
- Mr. Dewey Largo: *Nobody* likes Milhouse! Lisa, you've got detention!
- Ned Flanders: [awakened by the phone ringing] Howdily-diddely.
- Homer Simpson: [on the phone via the auto-dialer] Greetings, friends. Do you wish to look...
- Ned Flanders: [hangs up] Oh, it's that darn recording again.
- Maude Flanders: Of course it was. It's been calling all night. Just unplug the phone.
- Ned Flanders: [Ned turns out the light and the phone rings again] Howdily-di.
- Homer Simpson: Greetings, friends.
- Ned Flanders: [hangs up] Dang!
- Maude Flanders: I told you to unplug the phone.
- Ned Flanders: But it could be my mother!
- [the phone rings]
- Ned Flanders: Howdy...
- Homer Simpson: Greetings, friends...
- Ned Flanders: [hangs up] Shoot!
- Maude Flanders: That is it, Ned! If you don't unplug that phone right now, you're sleeping on the lawn.
- Homer Simpson: [out his window] Will you two shut up? People are trying to sleep!
- Chief Wiggum: See ya in court, Simpson. Oh, and bring that evidence with ya; otherwise, I got no case and you'll go scot-free.
- Homer: Greetings, friend. Do you wish to look as happy as me? Well, you've got the power inside you right now. Use it, and send one dollar to Happy Dude, 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield. Don't delay. Eternal happiness is only a dollar away.
- Homer: This is Homer Simpson, aka Happy Dude. The court is making me call everybody back and apologize for my telemarketing scam. I'm sorry. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, send one dollar to Sorry Dude, 742 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield. You have the power.
- Lisa Simpson: Nelson, Milhouse didn't send you that note. I did.
- Nelson Muntz: You? Since when do you like me? No girls like me.
- [pause]
- Nelson Muntz: Are you wearing a wire?
- Lisa Simpson: I like you, Milhouse, but not in that way. You're more like a big sister.
- Milhouse: No, I'm not! Why does everyone keep saying that?
- [Nelson's friends catch him kissing Lisa]
- Kearney: Aw man. You just kissed a girl.
- Jimbo Jones: That is so gay.
- Principal Seymour Skinner: I'll tell you something that's not so funny. Right now, Superintendant Chalmers is at home crying like a little girl.
- [everybody laugh]
- Principal Seymour Skinner: [chuckles] I guess it is a little funny.
- Nelson Muntz: [sings, while playing the guitar] Joy to the world, the teacher's dead. We barbecued her head. What happened to her body? We flushed it down the potty. And round and round it goes. And round and round it... goes...
- [Trails off on seeing that Lisa is unimpressed]
- Jimbo Jones: Check it out Skinner is wiping the goo off his house wait till hr sees what i left in his birdbath.