Full House (TV Series)

You Pet It, You Bought It (1994)

Bob Saget: Danny Tanner

Quotes 

• [Michelle's pet donkey ate Stephanie's geography project] 

  Danny Tanner : Just take it easy, sweetheart. I'll write you a note.

  Stephanie Tanner : What are you gonna say? The donkey ate my homework? I used that one last week.

• Danny Tanner : [blaming Jesse for Michelle purchasing Shorty]  Jess, this is all your fault. "Hey, got to go out and live a little."

  Jesse Katsopolis : A: I don't talk like that. 2: I thought she was going to the candy store. Now, unless that donkey has a creamy chocolate center, you can't blame me for this.

• Danny Tanner : [outraged that Shorty's head is in its place of General Cornwall's portrait]  Great-Granddaddy Cornwall!

  Jesse Katsopolis : You know, I'm finally starting to see the family resemblance.

  [Danny takes Shorty's head from the portrait] 

  Michelle Tanner : Shorty, how could you?

  Danny Tanner : That's it! He's out of here!

  [starts towards the front door] 

  Joey Gladstone : Danny, where are you going?

  Danny Tanner : [yelling outside]  Anybody wanna buy a donkey?

  Jesse Katsopolis : Danny, nobody wants to buy a donkey.

  Michelle Tanner : I did.

  Danny Tanner : [yelling outside]  All right, anybody want a FREE donkey?

  Female Neighbor : [from outside]  Shut up, Tanner! I'd rather hear the donkey!

  Becky Katsopolis : [drags Danny inside]  Danny, come in here. The neighbors are armed and cranky.

• Danny Tanner : [to the neighbor as he is bringing Shorty in from the backyard]  I'm sorry, okay? I'm bringing him in! Go back to bed! Put your guns on safety!

• Danny Tanner : [when Michelle comes home with a donkey]  Please tell me that's a piñata.

• Danny Tanner : [about Michelle buying Shorty the donkey]  Kimmy, how could you let this happen?

  Kimmy Gibbler : Hey, I told her to go for the two ostriches.

• Danny Tanner : [about Shorty]  Michelle, look, I'm sorry you got ripped off, but he cannot stay here in this house. He sheds, he stinks, he's dirty.

  Stephanie Tanner : You let Kimmy in here.

  Kimmy Gibbler : I don't shed.

• Danny Tanner : [about Shorty]  How's anybody gonna sleep with this thing in the house? I'd take him back outside, but apparently it's donkey season.

• Danny Tanner : Guys, you are gonna love this. This is a piece of history, real Americana. I was going through some old family photos, right? And I found the picture of my great-great-grandfather, General Cornwall Tanner, okay? I had it blown up and completely restored. Look at this.

  [shows the portrait] 

  Jesse Katsopolis : You should have just had it blown up.

  [Jesse and Joey laugh over the joke] 

  Danny Tanner : Just so happens he was a great Civil War hero and this should be put in a place of honor.

  Joey Gladstone : How about under the mantle?

  Danny Tanner : The fireplace is under the mantle.

  Joey Gladstone : I'll get the matches.

  [Jesse and Joey laugh again] 

• Kimmy Gibbler : [Danny is deciding where to put a picture of his great-grandfather, which looks like Bob Saget]  Hey, Mr. T.

  Danny Tanner : Hey.

  Kimmy Gibbler : [looks at the picture]  Did you get a picture of the front end of the horse, too?

  Danny Tanner : This happens to be one of my relatives. If you'd like to see one of your relatives, why don't you go rent "Gorillas in the Mist"?