Full House (TV Series)

Driving Miss D.J. (1992)

Bob Saget: Danny Tanner

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jesse : [D.J. wants to learn to drive with Danny]  Hey, Danny, come on. I'm sure when you were 15 you were dyin' to get behind the wheel of your mom's Pacer.

  Danny : Not me. I was perfectly happy taking the bus. And my dates were very impressed with the extra leg room.

• Danny : Okay, I'll teach you to drive.

  D.J. : Thanks, Dad, you're the greatest. Let's go.

  Danny : First let me shower, shave, and, you know, paint the house.

• D.J. : [Danny is teaching D.J. to drive his car]  Okay, car on.

  [starts engine] 

  Danny : Whoa, whoa, aren't you forgetting something?

  D.J. : Oh, yeah. Radio on.

  [turns on radio; classical music plays] 

  D.J. : Ooh, Dad.

  [changes station to rock] 

  D.J. : [Danny turns off radio]  Dad, I have to learn to drive with music like any normal person.

  Danny : I don't want you driving like a normal person. I want you driving like me.

• Danny : [slowly coasting through an empty parking lot in Danny's car]  This is nice. See, there's no need to be a speed demon.

  D.J. : Dad, I think a snail just passed us.

  Danny : Wait, stop! Stop!

  D.J. : Now what?

  Danny : You're heading straight for that tree, don't you see it?

  [the tree is located far on the other side of the lot] 

  D.J. : You can't mean that tree at the other end of the lot. Dad, I am nowhere near it.

  Danny : I didn't say you were near it. I asked you if you SAW it. D.J., you are never going to learn to drive if you don't listen to me.

  D.J. : Well, I'll never learn because you don't want me to learn!

  Danny : Oh, okay. Okay, that's it. You are way too emotional to be in the driver's seat. Switch places.

  D.J. : Fine.

  Danny : Fine.

• D.J. : [Danny and Jesse are arguing]  Hey, if you two won't behave, I'll turn this car right around and go straight home.

  Danny : Sorry.

  D.J. : Okay. Signal. Check my mirror. Look over my shoulder. And pull out into traffic for the very first time. I'm really driving!

  Jesse : Pretty good, huh, Danny?

  Danny : Yeah, I'm actually feeling good about this.

  D.J. : Can I turn on the radio?

  Danny , Jesse : No.

• Danny : I just got back from taking D.J. to her written test. It's horrible.

  Jesse : She failed, huh?

  D.J. : [runs in]  I PASSED!

  Kimmy Gibbler : [comes in behind her]  I failed! I can't believe it! I copied every one of D.J.'s answers!

  Jesse : Kimmy, they give everyone different tests so nobody can cheat.

  Kimmy Gibbler : They do? Well that's what's wrong with this world, nobody trusts anyone.

• Danny : I don't know, Deej, are you sure you want to learn to drive by a guy dressed like a pirate?

  Jesse : It's a do-rag, and it's gone, alright? I can teach her to drive.

• Danny : [teaching D.J. to drive in his car]  Follow my instructions completely now. First, adjust the mirrors. Very good. Now, Deej, listen to me. Get your radar out. Examine the big picture. Check for traffic, pedestrians, stray cattle...

  D.J. : Dad, we're in an empty parking lot.

  Danny : Are you going to question every instruction I give you?

  D.J. : Sorry. No cattle.

  Danny : Now, secure the litter bag.

  D.J. : This is unbelievable.

  [Danny gives her a look] 

  D.J. : Litter bag secure, sir.