- Maria Palko: Marriages don't fail because couples get bored. They fail because, while they're dating, people pretend to be the person they think their partner wants and then - well, there's only so long you can keep that up.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: Maybe they are that person while they're dating, but then they change.
- Maria Palko: People thinking their partner will change? That's another reason marriages fail. People don't change. At least not in any way that really matters.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: If you ask me, if two people really trust each other, a threesome once every seven years might actually help a marriage.
- [everyone stares at her]
- Dr. Gregory House: Okay, I say we stop the DDX and discuss that comment.
- [Wilson is flipping through House's TiVo selections]
- Dr. James Wilson: Now, why do you have a season pass to The New Yankee Workshop?
- Dr. Gregory House: It's a complete moron working with power tools, how much more suspenseful can you get?
- Dr. Gregory House: Is the ant big and red, or small and black?
- Dr. Eric Foreman: Medium and brown.
- Dr. Gregory House: Halle Berry brown or Beyonce brown?
- Dr. Allison Cameron: Is there a difference?
- Dr. Gregory House: [sarcastically] Is there a difference?
- Dr. Gregory House: Chase, find out what the resort cooks with, if they re-painted recently, or did any plumbing repairs.
- Dr. Robert Chase: I don't speak Spanish.
- Dr. Gregory House: Then it'll be challenging.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: He's gonna need a lung transplant.
- Dr. Gregory House: He's becoming more attractive by the minute, isn't he?
- Dr. Allison Cameron: You're pleased. You think you've proved every marriage is a mistake?
- Dr. Gregory House: Do I look pleased?
- Dr. James Wilson: I was watching something.
- Dr. Gregory House: No, you were about to watch something. I'm watching something. See the difference?
- Dr. James Wilson: You're kicking me out? After one night?
- Dr. Gregory House: Why, you think we should try counseling first?
- Charlotte: I am not having an affair with my daughter's karate instructor and I did not give my husband herpes.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Find out where House is.
- Dr. Robert Chase: [about a couple's threesome] Another guy or girl?
- Dr. Allison Cameron: Girl. His wife's college roommate.
- Dr. Robert Chase: If he's not happily married, I don't know who could be.
- Dr. Gregory House: Where's Mrs. Nympho?
- Dr. Allison Cameron: She's waiting outside. Why?
- Dr. Gregory House: Go search her.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: What, you mean her medical records?
- Dr. Gregory House: If I'd meant that, good chance I'd have said that.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: I thought you didn't believe there was anything wrong with his throat.
- Dr. Gregory House: Never said I didn't believe it, I just said I had good reason to doubt it.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: And now?
- Dr. Gregory House: Now, I have good reason to doubt those doubts.
- Dr. James Wilson: My wife fired the maid. Apparently, she's getting rid of everything that reminds her of me.
- Dr. Gregory House: You did your maid?
- Dr. James Wilson: I was nice to our maid, which annoyed her. God knows why.
- Dr. Gregory House: Maybe she was doing her.
- Dr. James Wilson: No one was doing her, all right?
- Dr. Gregory House: A sex fiend with a swollen tongue. Just think of all the places I can make Foreman search.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: What was I supposed to do, tie her up?
- Dr. Gregory House: Why not? She likes that.