South Park (TV Series)
AWESOM-O (2004)
Trey Parker: Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, Chris Stotch, Nelly's Husband, Movie Producer #1, Boy in Crowd, Mitch #2, Movie Producer #3, Army General, Army Man #2, Soldier #2, Scientist
Photos
Quotes
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Butters : I'm so glad you came into my life, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O. You're the best friend a guy could have.
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O : [Cartman] Yes. You can trust A.W.E.S.O.M.-O. In fact, you should tell A.W.E.S.O.M.-O all your most personal secrets. A.W.E.S.O.M.-O will not make fun of you or tell your secrets to other people and stuff.
Butters : Hey yeah. I can tell you anything. Let's see, well, for one, I have what's called a "heshiated colon", which means I sometimes can't control my sphincter.
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O : [snickers] Really?
Butters : Nobody knows this, but sometimes I poop my pants so I have to wear a diaper to school.
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O : [stifles laughter]
Butters : You okay, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O?
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O : Yes. A.W.E.S.O.M.-O is fine. Please go on.
Butters : Well, I have to take medicine for it everyday. It's this suppository I have to put up my rectum. And, oh, my parents don't know this, but sometimes I get picked on by this one kid at school. His name is Eric Cartman. And he always tries to play jokes on me and stuff. One time he made me think a meteor had hit the earth and convinced me to stay down in a bomb shelter for three days.
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O : [stifles laughter] Wow. That sucks.
Butters : And then this other time, he pretended to be me on the phone to my dad and called him a pussy. So my dad came home and beat me.
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O : [stifles laughter] Wow. Sounds like this Cartman kid is pretty smart.
Butters : He's not smart. He's just an asshole. And he's never gonna play a trick on me ever again.
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O : Really, you don't think so? Well guess what, Butters? I have a surprise for you.
Butters : Yeah, he's never gonna get me again. Because what Cartman doesn't know is that I know one of his secrets.
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O : What?
Butters : When Cartman is playing all alone in his backyard, he likes to dress up like Britney Spears and pretend he's her. He sings and dances around with a life-size cut out of Justin Timberlake. And I videptaped him doing it. I've got the whole thing on tape, even him making out with the Justin Timberlake cut-out. And if Cartman ever messes with me again, I'm gonna show that video to everybody. And then I'll have my revenge, boy-howdy.
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O : Um, where is this video tape? Maybe you should give A.W.E.S.O.M.-O the video tape, well because, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O can like, back it up for you and make copies and stuff. I am A.W.E.S.O.M.-O.
Butters : That's all right, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O. Come on, I got a lot of things to teach you.
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Producer : Watch this. A.W.E.S.O.M-O, given the current trends of the movie going public, can you come up with an idea for a movie that will break $100 million box office?
Cartman : [as A.W.E.S.O.M.-O] Um... Okay, how about this: Adam Sandler is like in love with some girl. But it turns out that the girl is actually a golden retriever or something.
Mitch : Oh! Perfect!
Executive : We'll call it "Puppy Love".
Mitch : Give us another movie idea, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O.
Cartman : Um... How about this: Adam Sandler inherits like, a billion dollars, but first he has to become a boxer or something.
Mitch : "Punch Drunk Billionaire".
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[last lines]
Military General : [watching Cartman's Britney Spears video] Hey kid, you're a fag!
Cartman : Lame.
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Butters : I gotta put in my suppository. Can you help me?
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O : [Cartman] What?
Butters : Remember I said I put that medicinal suppository in my anus? It will be so much easier having you do it from now on.
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O : Um, actually, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O is not programmed for that function.
Butters : A.W.E.S.O.M.-O, I thought you were programmed to do whatever I tell you. Yeah, that's pretty good. Get it up there good and deep.
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O : Lame.
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A.W.E.S.O.M.-O : [Cartman] Movie idea #2,305: Adam Sandler is trapped on a deserted island and falls in love with a coconut.
Producer : Great. Great, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O. Uh, guys, take a break. I need a minute alone with A.W.E.S.O.M.-O.
Executive : Okay.
Producer : You are an incredible robot, A.W.E.S.O.M.-O. I was just wondering, are you by chance a *pleasure* model?
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O : What?
Producer : Have you been programmed to satisfy urges of humans?
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O : A.W.E.S.O.M.-O does not understand.
Producer : Let me show you what I mean.
Butters : [on the phone] Yeah, we're having a great time, Aunt Nellie. The movie studio guys are real nice.
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O : Lame!
[bursts out of the board room, followed by a pants-less Producer]
A.W.E.S.O.M.-O : Not cool! Totally lame!
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Producer : How come our movie studio can't come up with any winners? We're smart, right?
Mitch : We're really smart.
Producer : We need an idea for a movie that's a home run. A feel good romp for the whole family. Say, what's that over there?
Producer : [They see A.W.E.S.O.M-O, a.k.a Cartman, performing in front of a crowd] Mitch, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Mitch : Yeah, maybe that robot can be programmed to come up with movie ideas.
Producer : Exactly.
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Butters : [Cartman is pretending to be Butters's robot Awesom-o, and he's been giving movie ideas to movie producers] Can you believe those guys paid us a hundred dollars apiece for those movie ideas?
Cartman : [as "Awesom-o"] You should split that money with AWESOM-O. After all, they were AWESOM-O's ideas.
Butters : Hahaa, right! What are you gonna do with money, AWESOM-O? Buy some robot pants? No, we got each other and that's all we need, AWESOM-O. I'm gonna send this money to needy kids in third-world countries.
Cartman : [Desperate] Ahhh, ahhh!
Butters : You okay, AWESOM-O?
Cartman : AWESOM-O needs to rest! Feeling faint!
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Scientist : Are your systems stable? Run a systems check on your CPU.
Cartman : The fuck are you talking about, dude?
Scientist : I'm sorry, robot. They want me to reprogram you.
Cartman : I'm not a robot, dumbass! I'm alive!
Scientist : What did you say?
Cartman : I said I'm a real person, asswipe!
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Cartman : Look, retards, my name is Eric Cartman. I live with my mom in South Park, Colorado.
