- Mitch: One thing delivering pizzas has taught me is that easy street isn't always the best route.
- Steve Smith: So true.
- Roger the Alien: Okay, Steve, when people start a sentence with, "What delivering pizzas has taught me," that's the go-ahead to tune out.
- Steve Smith: [to Mitch] Sorry, my... um, war veteran uncle here blew up your car.
- Mitch: No matter. A car is merely a means oftransporting pizzas. Thankfully the pizzas survived, for they contain the dough of life.
- Roger the Alien: [pretends to wake up] I'm sorry. I drifted off. Are you on Thorazine? What the hell? I mean, what year is it? Who's president?
- Steve Smith: Roger! Mitch, if you can't finish your route, won't you lose your job?
- Mitch: Perhaps, for lo, when a pie reaches not its destination, a trust is broken forever.
- Roger the Alien: Yeah, look, Kung Fu, I prefer my crazy in my bread.
- Stan Smith: [to Betty Sue] Well, it's been fun. Hey, do me a solid. Keep me out of the suicide note, huh?
- Klaus: [When Klaus and Hayley are stoned listening to music] They say if you play it backwards, you can hear the voice of a dead kid.
- Hayley Smith: Whoa. Wait, how do you play Monopoly backwards?
- Quacky: Apparently, Betty Sue was so devastated by losing homecoming queen she walked into a Dunkin' Donuts and never came out. And speaking of coming out, ta-da!
- Stan Smith: So that's why you're so pale. This is the first time you've come out of your house. Welcome! This is a necktie and that's a table.
- Quacky: No. I'm gay.
- Stan Smith: What? My gaydar is totally off.
- [looks down at his watch which says "Straight, Curious, and Gay" and the arrow points at "Straight"]
- Stan Smith: Damn! SkyMall screwed me again!
- Quacky: [to Stan] You are, without a doubt, the cruelest most disgusting excuse for a human being I have ever met!
- Stan Smith: Look, Quacky, you and me? Not gonna happen, okay? I'm like candy to these people.
- Francine Smith: Stan, what's the matter?
- Stan Smith: What's the matter? You're not the homecoming queen. I'm not gonna be the cool guy dancing in the spotlight! I'm just gonna be the dork by the punch bowl slumming with the Duchess of Second Place.
- Francine Smith: You know what, Stan? If it's so darn... no. Damn! That's right. I went there. If it's so darn important for you to dance with the homecoming queen, why don't you just go with Betty Sue?