- [when Mike is worried that he failed his college exams]
- Irene Lorenzo: Don't worry so much Mike, as I always say Que Sera, Sera.
- Edith Bunker: That's right Mike, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
- Archie Bunker: How long have them two been up there?
- Edith Bunker: An hour and a half.
- Archie Bunker: [knowing they're having sex; looks angry] In the middle of the day.
- Edith Bunker: Seems like an awfully long time to be showing her his grades.
- Edith Bunker: [Archie is showing Edith a stuffed goat's head that his friend Barney Hefner gave him] I don't think I'm going to like it looking at me with those big, sad eyes.
- Archie Bunker: They ain't real eyes, Edith. Them there are glass eyes.
- Edith Bunker: That wasn't fair of Barney Hefner, shooting a blind animal!
- Gloria Bunker-Stivic: What would be the first thing you'd do if you were rich, ma? I mean something that you've always wanted to do.
- Edith Bunker: I wanna walk into the butcher's shop and buy a steak without asking "how much is it?"
- Archie Bunker: Hey listen, I do my best thinkin' in that chair. When I'm in that chair I don't know what's goin' on.
- Archie Bunker: [Upon learning that Mike has accepted a fellowship at college and won't be moving out] Well I think I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to go out on Long Island and get myself a fellowship at the funny farm! I'll be like Crazy Louie! Living in the past! The Japs are coming! The Japs are coming!