Blackadder Goes Forth (TV Series)

Captain Cook (1989)

Stephen Fry: General Sir Anthony Cecil Hogmanay Melchett

Photos 

Quotes 

• General Melchett : Are you looking forward to the big push?

  Private Baldrick : No sir, I'm absolutely terrified.

  General Melchett : The healthy humor of the honest tommy. Don't worry my boy, if you should falter, remember that Captain Darling and I are behind you.

  Captain Blackadder : About thirty-five miles behind you.

• General Melchett : [to Baldrick]  Ah, tally-ho, yippety-dip and zing zang spillip! Looking forward to bullying off for the final chukka?

  Captain Blackadder : Permission to speak.

  [Baldrick is silent] 

  Captain Blackadder : Answer the General, Baldrick!

  Private Baldrick : [whispers]  I can't answer him, sir, I don't know what he's talking about.

• General Melchett , Lieutenant George : Row, row, row your boat / Gently down the stream / Belts off, trousers down / Isn't life a scream? / Whoa!

• Capt. Kevin Darling : [Darling and Melchett are both eating a posh supper, which has actually been prepared by Baldrick]  I suppose Blackadder and his boys will have gone over the top by now.

  General Melchett : Yes - God, I'd give anything to be out there with them, dodging the bullets instead of sitting here drinking this Chateau Lafite, and eating these filets mignons with sauce bearnaise!

  [By lucky chance, Baldrick has mentioned all of these foods earlier!] 

  Capt. Kevin Darling : My thoughts exactly, sir. Damn this Chateau Lafite!

  [He takes a nice, big, satisfied sip] 

  General Melchett : He's a very brave man, Blackadder, and, of course, that Lieutenant of his, George - Cambridge man, you know. His uncle Bertie and I used to break wind for our college.

  [He eats a filet mignon in sauce bearnaise] 

  General Melchett : Slightly unusual taste, this sauce bearnaise.

  Capt. Kevin Darling : Yes, sir.

  [His face shows it tastes vile] 

  Capt. Kevin Darling : And to be quite frank, sir, these mignons are a little, well...

  General Melchett : What?

  Capt. Kevin Darling : Well, dungy.

  General Melchett : What on earth's wrong with that cook?

  Capt. Kevin Darling : Well, sir, it's a rather strange story, sir.

  General Melchett : Well? Tell, tell.

  Capt. Kevin Darling : Well, sir, I received a phone call this morning from Pope Gregory IX, telling me that our cook had been selected for the English Cricket Team and must set sail for the West Indies immediately.

  General Melchett : Really?

  Capt. Kevin Darling : Barely a moment later, the phone rang again. It was a trio of wandering Italian chefs, who happened to be in the area, offering their services. So, I had the quarter-master take them on at once.

  General Melchett : [Melchett seems satisfied by this, and eats a bit of Plum Duff. He is repulsed by its taste and spits it out]  Ah, Jumping Jerries! Are you sure these are real raisins in this Plum Duff?

  Capt. Kevin Darling : Oh, yes, I'm sure they are, sir. Everything will be all right once the cream custard arrives.

  [Which is really cat's vomit!] 

• Lieutenant George : Permission to shout "Bravo" at an annoyingly loud volume, sir.

  General Melchett : Permission granted.

  Lieutenant George : [screams]  Bravo!

• [on the new plan to win the war] 

  General Melchett : There is, however, one small problem.

  Captain Blackadder : That everyone always gets slaughtered in the first ten seconds?

  General Melchett : That's right. And Field Marshall Haig is worried that this may be depressing the men a tadge. So, he's looking to find a way to cheer them up.

  Captain Blackadder : Well, his resignation and suicide would seem the obvious suggestion.

  General Melchett : Interesting thought. Make a note of it, Darling.