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- Dr. Nick Riviera: Bad news! Your son is a very sick boy. Just look at the X-Ray. You see that dark spot there?
- [putting a finger on a spot outside Bart's neck]
- Dr. Nick Riviera: Whiplash.
- Homer: [worried] Whiplash? Oh no.
- Dr. Nick Riviera: And this smudge here that looks like my fingerprint? No, that's trauma!
- Lisa Simpson: Excuse me, Mr. Hutz. Are you a shyster?
- Lionel Hutz: How does a nice little girl like you know a big word like that?
- Lenny Leonard: Hey, Simpson, I heard Mr. Burns crushed your boy.
- Homer: Yeah. If I wasn't so spineless, I'd march into Mr. Burns' office right now and...
- Waylon Smithers: SIMPSON!
- Homer: Aah!
- [coughing]
- Waylon Smithers: Mr. Burns wants you to march into his office right now!
- Homer: Uh-oh!
- [In Bart's imagination, he describes the events that led to him being hit by Burns' car; he imagines Smithers in the passenger seat with binoculars]
- Waylon Smithers: Defenseless child at three o'clock!
- [Burns, in the driver's seat, laughs maniacally and his hair flows wildly]
- [the lawyer asks Marge's opinion of Dr. Riviera's competence]
- Marge: I'm sorry, but my mother said, if you can't say anything nice about someone, you shouldn't say anything at all.
- Homer: [whispering] Will that hold up in court?
- Lionel Hutz: No, I've tried it.
- Dr. Nick Riviera: Bad news! Your son is a very sick boy. Just look at the X-Ray. You see that dark spot there?
- [putting a finger on a spot outside Bart's neck]
- Dr. Nick Riviera: Whiplash.
- Homer: [worried] Whiplash? Oh no.
- Dr. Nick Riviera: And this smudge here that looks like my fingerprint? No, that's trauma!
- [Bart lands in Hell]
- Satan: Howdy, stranger.
- Bart Simpson: I'm Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you?
- Satan: Please allow me to introduce myself. I'm the devil.
- [laughs]
- Satan: And you've earned eternal damnation for your lifetime of evil deeds, Bart. Spitting off the escalator just clinched it.
- Bart Simpson: Hey, I'm innocent, man!
- Satan: [loud, long laugh] Innocent, huh? Everybody's innocent.
- [continues laughing]
- Satan: Okay, let's just pull up your file here.
- [Satan begins using a desktop computer, humming to himself]
- Satan: Hmm, seems to be a mistake. According to this, you're not due to arrive here until the next time the Yankees win the pennant. That's nearly a century from now.
- [chuckles]
- Satan: Boy, is my face red.
- [Bart starts floating upwards]
- Bart Simpson: Um, say, is there anything I can do to avoid coming back here?
- Satan: Oh, sure, yeah, but uh... nah, you wouldn't like it.
- Bart Simpson: Okay, see you later, then!
- Satan: Good-bye, Bart! Remember... lie, cheat, steal, and listen to heavy metal music!
- Bart Simpson: Yes, sir!
- Heavenly Voice: Please hold on to the handrail. Do not spit over the side.
- [Bart does so; suddenly, the stairs retract and Bart falls back down]
- Heavenly Voice: We told you to hold on to the handrail. We asked you not to spit over the side.
- [Burns and Smithers have learned that Homer will sue them]
- Mr. Burns: A million dollars? Smithers! I want this Homer J. Simpson fired!
- Waylon Smithers: Uh, do you think that's wise, Mr. Burns? I mean, think of the headlines.
- [Burns imagines the newspaper headline, "Burns Fires Ungrateful Employee" with Burns directing Homer to the steps outside the plant]
- Mr. Burns: [grunts] Yeah.
- [a second headline appears, reading, "Another Smart Move by Burns"]
- Mr. Burns: [grunts] Yeah.
- [a third headline appears, "Hooray for Burns!", with a photo of him being lifted by a crowd of people]
- Mr. Burns: [impressed] Oooh!
- [scene returns to reality]
- Mr. Burns: [happily] What about the headlines?
- Lionel Hutz: [giving Bart his business card] Here's my card. It turns into a sponge when you put it in water.
- Homer: Ooh, classy!
- [Burns is on the witness stand and is asked to give his side of the story]
- Mr. Burns: Certainly.
- [In Burns' imagination, it's a bright, shiny day with colorful houses and he and Smithers are driving in a cute Volkswagen Beetle]
- Mr. Burns: Oh, it was a beautiful day. The sun was shining. I was driving to the orphanage to pass out toys. Suddenly, that incorrigible Simpson boy darted in front of me.
- [Bart is clearly aiming to be hit by Burns' car, no matter where the old man steers. Eventually, Burns stops the car and Bart goes flying overhead and lands on the ground]
- Mr. Burns: [shocked] Oh, my goodness! Look what's happened!
- Waylon Smithers: Oh, it's not important, sir. Let's drive on.
- Mr. Burns: Why, you despicable, cold-blooded monster.
- [walks over to Bart]
- Mr. Burns: Regardless of what you think, we will- we will summon help and comfort the dear boy until an ambulance arrives.
- [a crowd has gathered to watch Burns cradle Bart's body]
- Mr. Burns: NOOOOOOO! TAKE ME! I'M OLD!
- [Hutz leaves Bart's hospital room to chase after another patient]
- Lionel Hutz: Lionel Hutz, attorney at law! What's that, a broken neck? Great!
- Lionel Hutz: [Bart is rehearsing being in the courtroom at home with Lionel Hutz] Now, let's pretend you're on the witness stand. How are you, Bart?
- Bart Simpson: [honestly] Fine.
- Lionel Hutz: [unimpressed] Oh, fine, isn't that nice? Bart says he's fine. WRONG! YOU ARE IN CONSTANT PAIN!
- Bart Simpson: [sadly] I am constant pain!
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