Tracie Thoms: Mahandra McGinty

Quotes 

• Mahandra McGinty : [suspicious of Heidi, Jaye spies on her at the Barrel]  She's not gonna kill him right here in this bar.

  Jaye Tyler : She could slip him a mickey.

  Mahandra McGinty : Not unless there's a freshman around to pin it on.

• Mahandra McGinty : You think maybe you want Heidi to be a black widow murderess because that makes her the bad guy and you the good guy, and Eric the guy who can only be saved by your love?

  Jaye Tyler : I don't want Heidi to be anything. I'm just trying to confirm or deny an anonymous tip.

  Mahandra McGinty : From who?

  Jaye Tyler : Well, if I knew it, it wouldn't be anonymous.

  Mahandra McGinty : [skeptical]  Mm-hmm.

  Jaye Tyler : [running a Google search]  Oh, my God.

  Mahandra McGinty : What?

  Jaye Tyler : "Freshman suspected in Kappa Mu poisoning. Homecoming tradition suffered a devastating blow Thursday when Queen Mickie Mossler and princess Kendra Crowther were allegedly poisoned at a sorority function. Sophomore Heidi Sockett..."

  [snickering] 

  Jaye Tyler : Her maiden name is Sockett!

  Mahandra McGinty : Horrible, yet appropriate.

  Jaye Tyler : "Sophomore Heidi Sockett, who was disqualified from the election for soliciting votes, suggested the poisoning may have been hazing victims retaliating against their tormentors." She did it. You know she did. She tried to kill those girls.

  Mahandra McGinty : I wanna know how she was soliciting votes.

  Jaye Tyler : I think we both know.

  Mahandra McGinty : "Hepatitis outbreak renders debate team speechless." Click on that.

  [Jaye clicks the link] 

  Mahandra McGinty : "The debate team suffered a staggering loss," blah, blah, blah. "Senior Heidi Sockett, who was suspended from the team, suggested the incident may have been the work of freshmen retaliating against their tormentors in a recent spate of hazing rituals."

  Jaye Tyler : It's her M.O. If she can't win, then nobody can win.

  Mahandra McGinty : And if she can't have Eric, then nobody can have Eric?

  Jaye Tyler : Seems like the type. Not to toot my own horn, but I think we both know why Eric's sticking around.

• Jaye Tyler : [after seeing Eric and Heidi together]  I didn't think it would hurt so much, seeing him with her in wedded bliss without me. Oh, my God. He's gonna grow old with her, isn't he? And I'm gonna die alone. Oh, will you die alone with me?

  Mahandra McGinty : Of course I will. Who else am I gonna die alone with, your brother?

• Mahandra McGinty : Are those video cameras?

  Aaron Tyler : Yeah.

  Mahandra McGinty : Shut 'em off. Shut 'em off. Shut 'em off! Shut 'em off! How long have you had those? Are you recording us right now? Did you record us having sex? Oh, my God. Is it on the Internet? Oh, my God. I'm a naughty, black-door woman... back-door woman. Oh, my God! No one must know. We have to destroy your computer.

• Mahandra McGinty : I wanna be an honest woman.

  Aaron Tyler : You are an honest woman.

  Mahandra McGinty : I just snuck in your back door. Your sister's dying inside, and here I am lying to her about our torrid little affair.

  Aaron Tyler : Then tell her the truth.

  Mahandra McGinty : She can't handle the truth. It'll kill her. She's my best friend, and you're her brother. Besides, I can't be happy when she's sad. There are rules.

  Aaron Tyler : Are you saying I make you happy?

  Mahandra McGinty : Yes, yes. You make me happy. But that's not the point.

• Jaye Tyler : Do you think Eric loves her? I mean, like, really loves her?

  Mahandra McGinty : She's his wife.

  Jaye Tyler : I know. But, like, really, really loves her?

  Heidi Gotts : [walking in on them]  Yes, he does.

  Mahandra McGinty : Whoops.

  Heidi Gotts : In fact, he loves me so much, he married me twice.

  Jaye Tyler : If you hadn't wiped yourself with your first wedding vows, you wouldn't have had to get them renewed.

  Heidi Gotts : Oh, sigh. Whatever scars I've given Eric are healing. And they'd heal a lot faster if you stopped picking at 'em and leave us alone.

  Jaye Tyler : I was leaving you alone plenty before you came through that door.

  Heidi Gotts : No, you were stalking my husband at his workplace, which is no longer his workplace 'cause he just quit.

  Jaye Tyler : What?

  Heidi Gotts : We're going back to Jersey. My sins have been paid for. Honeymoon purgatory is coming to an end.

  Mahandra McGinty : That's so sad. Heidi-ho gotta go.

  Heidi Gotts : You almost had him, huh? For a second there, I thought it was gonna be you kissing the groom on my wedding night. But only for a second.

• Heidi Gotts : Everything go okay?

  Eric Gotts : Yeah, great. I gave my notice.

  Heidi Gotts : Notice? I thought you were gonna quit.

  Eric Gotts : They need two weeks to find a replacement. They gave me a job and a bed. It's the least I can do.

  Heidi Gotts : Eric, I wanna go home.

  Eric Gotts : It's just for two weeks. We can stay in the honeymoon suite. I'm gonna put this in the car.

  Jaye Tyler : [he leaves with his suitcase]  Looks like the credit card you used to pay for your sins got declined.

  Heidi Gotts : We're both reasonable women.

  Mahandra McGinty : Ha!

  Heidi Gotts : We're both capable of reason. Eric's mine now, and you're never gonna get your hooks in him again. Now, you deal with that any way you like, as long as it doesn't involve me or my husband. But if you make trouble for us, I will make trouble for you.

  Mahandra McGinty : Bitch, are you threatening her?

  Heidi Gotts : Yes. Yes, I believe I am.

  Muse : [through a rabbit logo on a cardboard box]  Save him from her.

  Jaye Tyler : What'd you just say?

  Muse : Save him from her.

  Heidi Gotts : You heard me.

  Jaye Tyler : You've got some nerve. Don't tell me to save him from her. Tell it to someone who gives a...

  [storming off, she returns and grabs the box] 

  Jaye Tyler : I don't even like cocktail cherries, you stupid rabbit.