Caroline Dhavernas: Jaye Tyler

Quotes 

• Jaye Tyler : Was this all a big setup? Get me to turn a few tricks for the universe, break my heart, and then ship me off to the crazy house before I can squeal?

  Dr. Ron Campbell : Do you feel yourself getting worked up right now? I'd like to de-escalate that feeling.

  Muse : Save him from her.

  Jaye Tyler : He's not in any danger! You lied. Why'd you lie? What is this about?

  Dr. Ron Campbell : How would you feel if I referred you to another therapist?

  Muse : Lick the light switch.

  Jaye Tyler : Wait, what?

  Dr. Ron Campbell : It's not a rejection.

  Muse : Lick the light switch.

  Jaye Tyler : That's disgusting!

  Dr. Ron Campbell : It's not disgusting to want you to have the best care.

  Jaye Tyler : I was talking to the monkey.

  Dr. Ron Campbell : If you'd like to speak to the monkey privately, I could step into the next room.

  Jaye Tyler : Would you mind?

  Dr. Ron Campbell : Not at all.

• Jaye Tyler : Tell me why you talk to me!

  Muse : Because you listen.

• Mahandra McGinty : [suspicious of Heidi, Jaye spies on her at the Barrel]  She's not gonna kill him right here in this bar.

  Jaye Tyler : She could slip him a mickey.

  Mahandra McGinty : Not unless there's a freshman around to pin it on.

• Detective Sloan : Do you like your therapist, Jaye?

  Sharon Tyler : My client's relationship with her therapist is protected under New York state law.

  Detective Sloan : [ignoring her]  Do you like your therapist, Jaye?

  Jaye Tyler : Um, sure. I don't mean to be rude, but there's someplace I need to be.

  Sharon Tyler : [stopping her from leaving]  Land the plane, Mike. What is this about? Did she assault the man?

  [making an assumption from his look] 

  Sharon Tyler : You assaulted Dr. Ron?

  Detective Sloan : Violated is more accurate.

  Sharon Tyler : What did you do? What did you do?

  Jaye Tyler : I didn't...

  Sharon Tyler : Don't say a word. What... what exactly are you accusing her of?

  Detective Sloan : I'm accusing her of breaking into her therapist's office, disabling the security system, stealing the surveillance footage from her own therapy sessions, and leaving a number two in the good doctor's desk drawer. And I'm not talking about the pencil.

  Jaye Tyler : It wasn't me. I didn't do any of that. This is all Heidi. Have you Googled the woman? She's a menace. She set me up!

  Detective Sloan : We let her go. She's not a suspect. And you should count your lucky stars she's not pressing charges.

  Jaye Tyler : Of course she's not pressing charges. Murderers don't press charges. It calls unwanted attention to themselves.

  Sharon Tyler : This murder angle is new to me. We should sidebar.

  Jaye Tyler : No sidebar. A man is about to die!

• Darrin Tyler : Did Dr. Ron tell you whether this was a personality flaw or an actual disorder?

  Karen Tyler : Darrin.

  Darrin Tyler : Well, there's no sense pussyfooting around about it. We're her parents. If something is wrong, we should talk about it. And you can talk to us, can't you, sweetheart?

  Jaye Tyler : Uh, yeah.

  Karen Tyler : [to a passing waitress after an awkward silence]  Could I have some more water, please?

  Darrin Tyler : Now, what I'd like to know is, is this an isolated incident or can we expect more of these 'sodes? I mean, God forbid, you end up like the Olsen girl. Didn't she stab herself and then tell everybody that Dr. Ron tried to kill her? Mad as a balloon. We don't want that life for you.

  Karen Tyler : Darrin, she doesn't want to discuss it. We have to respect that.

  Jaye Tyler : Thank you.

  Darrin Tyler : Fine, fine. We can pretend nothing is wrong. Not a care in the world. Oh, isn't that your little married friend?

  Karen Tyler : You have a new friend?

  Jaye Tyler : He doesn't work today.

  [turning and seeing Eric and Heidi] 

  Jaye Tyler : That is him... and his wife. I have to pee.

• Mahandra McGinty : You think maybe you want Heidi to be a black widow murderess because that makes her the bad guy and you the good guy, and Eric the guy who can only be saved by your love?

  Jaye Tyler : I don't want Heidi to be anything. I'm just trying to confirm or deny an anonymous tip.

  Mahandra McGinty : From who?

  Jaye Tyler : Well, if I knew it, it wouldn't be anonymous.

  Mahandra McGinty : [skeptical]  Mm-hmm.

  Jaye Tyler : [running a Google search]  Oh, my God.

  Mahandra McGinty : What?

  Jaye Tyler : "Freshman suspected in Kappa Mu poisoning. Homecoming tradition suffered a devastating blow Thursday when Queen Mickie Mossler and princess Kendra Crowther were allegedly poisoned at a sorority function. Sophomore Heidi Sockett..."

  [snickering] 

  Jaye Tyler : Her maiden name is Sockett!

  Mahandra McGinty : Horrible, yet appropriate.

  Jaye Tyler : "Sophomore Heidi Sockett, who was disqualified from the election for soliciting votes, suggested the poisoning may have been hazing victims retaliating against their tormentors." She did it. You know she did. She tried to kill those girls.

  Mahandra McGinty : I wanna know how she was soliciting votes.

  Jaye Tyler : I think we both know.

  Mahandra McGinty : "Hepatitis outbreak renders debate team speechless." Click on that.

  [Jaye clicks the link] 

  Mahandra McGinty : "The debate team suffered a staggering loss," blah, blah, blah. "Senior Heidi Sockett, who was suspended from the team, suggested the incident may have been the work of freshmen retaliating against their tormentors in a recent spate of hazing rituals."

  Jaye Tyler : It's her M.O. If she can't win, then nobody can win.

  Mahandra McGinty : And if she can't have Eric, then nobody can have Eric?

  Jaye Tyler : Seems like the type. Not to toot my own horn, but I think we both know why Eric's sticking around.

• Dr. Ron Campbell : What makes you think the monkey was talking to you?

  Jaye Tyler : Well, it looked at me and talked.

  Dr. Ron Campbell : Why don't you walk me through the day the animals started talking to you?

  Jaye Tyler : Well, I didn't get my promotion. And then the lion talked. Then I fainted. And then I had my session with you. And then the monkey talked. And then I met Eric. And then we talked. And then we kissed, and then we... oh, my God. That was right before your monkey broke my heart. Oh, no. That was actually the fish.

  Dr. Ron Campbell : Did Eric break your heart, or was it the fish?

  Jaye Tyler : The fish. The fish told me to break Eric's heart, which broke my heart.

  Dr. Ron Campbell : And do you do everything the monkey and the lion and the fish tell you to do, even if it causes you pain?

  Jaye Tyler : Yeah, they kinda wore me out that way, which is mainly why I'm here.

• Dr. Ron Campbell : [startled to find Jaye in his office]  How did you get in here?

  Jaye Tyler : The door.

  Dr. Ron Campbell : The door was locked.

  Jaye Tyler : Yeah. Well, no, it wasn't. Um, I just need to borrow your monkey.

  Dr. Ron Campbell : You're not borrowing my monkey, Jaye.

  Jaye Tyler : I kinda have to. They told me I had to save him from her, and the wax lion said that the monkey would tell me why.

  Dr. Ron Campbell : Save who from her?

  Muse : [through the monkey]  She's going to kill him.

  Jaye Tyler : She's gonna kill him?

  Dr. Ron Campbell : Is my monkey talking to you now, Jaye?

  Muse : She's going to kill him. She's going to kill him, and it's all because of you.

• Jaye Tyler : [after seeing Eric and Heidi together]  I didn't think it would hurt so much, seeing him with her in wedded bliss without me. Oh, my God. He's gonna grow old with her, isn't he? And I'm gonna die alone. Oh, will you die alone with me?

  Mahandra McGinty : Of course I will. Who else am I gonna die alone with, your brother?

• Jaye Tyler : Do you think Eric loves her? I mean, like, really loves her?

  Mahandra McGinty : She's his wife.

  Jaye Tyler : I know. But, like, really, really loves her?

  Heidi Gotts : [walking in on them]  Yes, he does.

  Mahandra McGinty : Whoops.

  Heidi Gotts : In fact, he loves me so much, he married me twice.

  Jaye Tyler : If you hadn't wiped yourself with your first wedding vows, you wouldn't have had to get them renewed.

  Heidi Gotts : Oh, sigh. Whatever scars I've given Eric are healing. And they'd heal a lot faster if you stopped picking at 'em and leave us alone.

  Jaye Tyler : I was leaving you alone plenty before you came through that door.

  Heidi Gotts : No, you were stalking my husband at his workplace, which is no longer his workplace 'cause he just quit.

  Jaye Tyler : What?

  Heidi Gotts : We're going back to Jersey. My sins have been paid for. Honeymoon purgatory is coming to an end.

  Mahandra McGinty : That's so sad. Heidi-ho gotta go.

  Heidi Gotts : You almost had him, huh? For a second there, I thought it was gonna be you kissing the groom on my wedding night. But only for a second.

• Jaye Tyler : [returning her therapist's brass monkey bookend]  I wanted to give this back to you.

  Dr. Ron Campbell : It's got a few dings. And is this wax?

  Jaye Tyler : Uh, yeah. Sorry about that. And sorry about not coming back after I said I had to feed the meter... two months ago.

  Dr. Ron Campbell : It all worked out fine. Why'd you come back today? What's happening in your world?

  Jaye Tyler : Okay, well, what have my mom and brother told you? 'Cause I don't wanna repeat information.

  Muse : [through the brass monkey]  Tell him nothing.

  Dr. Ron Campbell : We're not talking about your mom or your brother.

  Jaye Tyler : Then you'd better tell me something, 'cause I'm fixing to neuter you.

  [seeing Dr. Ron's look] 

  Jaye Tyler : I was talking to the monkey. It talked to me first.

• Heidi Gotts : Everything go okay?

  Eric Gotts : Yeah, great. I gave my notice.

  Heidi Gotts : Notice? I thought you were gonna quit.

  Eric Gotts : They need two weeks to find a replacement. They gave me a job and a bed. It's the least I can do.

  Heidi Gotts : Eric, I wanna go home.

  Eric Gotts : It's just for two weeks. We can stay in the honeymoon suite. I'm gonna put this in the car.

  Jaye Tyler : [he leaves with his suitcase]  Looks like the credit card you used to pay for your sins got declined.

  Heidi Gotts : We're both reasonable women.

  Mahandra McGinty : Ha!

  Heidi Gotts : We're both capable of reason. Eric's mine now, and you're never gonna get your hooks in him again. Now, you deal with that any way you like, as long as it doesn't involve me or my husband. But if you make trouble for us, I will make trouble for you.

  Mahandra McGinty : Bitch, are you threatening her?

  Heidi Gotts : Yes. Yes, I believe I am.

  Muse : [through a rabbit logo on a cardboard box]  Save him from her.

  Jaye Tyler : What'd you just say?

  Muse : Save him from her.

  Heidi Gotts : You heard me.

  Jaye Tyler : You've got some nerve. Don't tell me to save him from her. Tell it to someone who gives a...

  [storming off, she returns and grabs the box] 

  Jaye Tyler : I don't even like cocktail cherries, you stupid rabbit.

• Karen Tyler : You look puffy. Have you been crying?

  Jaye Tyler : [indicating merchandise for sale]  I'll give you a bear if we don't talk about it.

  Karen Tyler : [showing her the brass monkey bookend]  I'll give you a monkey if we do. I found it in your brother's room.

  Jaye Tyler : Really?

  Karen Tyler : Mm-hmm. He's very concerned about you. He started praying, and you know how he feels about that sort of thing.

  Jaye Tyler : He's praying? For me?

  Karen Tyler : Mm-hmm. You certainly have him worked up about something. Raises the question, doesn't it?

  Jaye Tyler : What question?

  Karen Tyler : Should I be praying?

  Jaye Tyler : Not for me. I'm fine.

  Karen Tyler : Of course you are, sweetheart. Dr. Ron'll be very pleased to get his monkey back. You should make an appointment and return it to him since you're the one who stole it.

  Jaye Tyler : As great as that sounds, you see him twice a week. Can't you just drop it off next time you're in therapy?

  Alec : [interrupting]  Did you mark the barrel bears down?

  Jaye Tyler : Was I not supposed to?

  Alec : No. This is a collector's item. You are so in trouble.

• Jaye Tyler : Does Heidi have anger management issues? 'Cause she's been pitching a tanty about something.

  Eric Gotts : Yeah, you. She thinks you're spying on us.

  Jaye Tyler : That's dumb. She's been a little pissy lately, huh? She ever threaten you?

  Eric Gotts : You should cut her some slack. She's got lots of reasons to be pissy right now. For instance, are you spying on us?

  Jaye Tyler : No. But I can leave if my presence makes you uncomfortable.

  Eric Gotts : You don't make me uncomfortable. But, Heidi...

  Jaye Tyler : No, I get it. I'll go.

  [laughing it off] 

  Jaye Tyler : Spying.

• Muse : Save him from her.

  Jaye Tyler : Let's talk about that, shall we? Now, if experience has taught me anything, it's that following your instructions regarding Eric and Heidi causes me great pain.

  Muse : Save him from her!

  Jaye Tyler : But I have to admit I'm intrigued. Why make me make a home if you're just gonna make me break a home? Is this a trick? Is this gonna turn out badly for me somehow?

  Muse : [through the wax lion]  Ask the monkey.

• Jaye Tyler : [melting the wax lion]  You may be asking yourself, "How did I get here? What could I have possibly done to deserve this?" Tell me why. Why make me make the man I love re-marry his hussy bride? How is that helpful? Who does that benefit besides the hussy? 'Cause I'm not in the business of benefiting hussies. Tell me there's a reason.

  [getting no answer] 

  Jaye Tyler : So be it. No answers, no mercy. I'm finished. You want me to be alone? I'll be alone. I'll be alone after I melt or set fire to each and every one of you. So anybody that hasn't talked yet that's been thinking about talking, let this be a warning.

  Alec : [bursting in]  Break's over.

  [sniffing] 

  Alec : What's burning?