- Colin Mochrie: [in "Weird Newscasters"] Welcome to the six o'clock news. I'm your anchor, Woodrow But Don't Have a Paddle.
- [audience laughs]
- Colin Mochrie: Our top story tonight: Bars across America were saddened today by the death of Dr. Joseph Lowenstein. The famous doctor who, as a sideline, would make exotic drinks from woodsap, died suddenly today. This is one patron who's really gonna miss that hickory daiquiri doc.
- Chip Esten: [after "Title Sequence", where Chip accidentally sang "Mel Gibson and the Professor" instead of "Mel Gibson and the Wrestler"] He was a very smart wrestler.
- Drew Carey: Yeah.
- [laughs]
- Chip Esten: His wrestling NAME... was "The Professor", is the funny thing.
- Drew Carey: Oh man...
- Wayne Brady: Let's air THAT one!
- Drew Carey: [to Chip] Well, a thousand points to the tenth power to you.
- Drew Carey: [in "Scenes from a Hat"] "The winning entries in the hillbilly poetry competition."
- Ryan Stiles: People say our love is a bunch of phooey, but when I want you, I yell "Sooie!"
- Wayne Brady: When you're gone, if you I miss, no one I love more than my mama-sis.
- Ryan Stiles: You are the one, you are my lady. I like you more than a naked Ned Beatty.
- Colin Mochrie: By the lake of Gitchi-Gumi, shot a squirrel and ate it.