Whose Line Is It Anyway? (TV Series)
Show No. 318 (2001)
Colin Mochrie: Self
Photos
Quotes
-
[playing "Hollywood Director"]
Colin Mochrie : [holding his hand at a point in the air] If this was crap, you'd need a ladder to get that high!
-
[playing "Hollywood Director"]
Charles Esten : What you doin' to my woman? Hyah!
[jumps onto Ryan's back]
Ryan Stiles : Oh, get off!
[loud censor bleeps; raucous laughter]
Colin Mochrie : Cut, cut, cut, cut! My God! He's over forty! You okay?
Ryan Stiles : Uh uh.
Colin Mochrie : All right. You know, we don't have the insurance! All right.
Charles Esten : I'm sorry.
Colin Mochrie : [angrily] I know you're sorry!
-
[after Chip jumps on Ryan during "Hollywood Director"]
Colin Mochrie : Do it like a porn movie filled with exercise instructors.
Ryan Stiles : It's porn, so I can lie down, right?
Colin Mochrie : Yes, you can. Action!
[Colin exits, and Ryan lies down with a sigh of relief]
-
Wayne Brady : [in "Scenes from a Hat", the suggestion being "Difficult questions for mommy to answer."] Mommy, how come no one looks like me on "Friends"?
Colin Mochrie : Mommy, how come no one looks like me on "Friends"?
Drew Carey - Host : Yes, if you were paying attention, I said DIFFICULT questions.
[audience laughs/oohs]
Drew Carey - Host : So many bald, all right.
Colin Mochrie : I'm adorable.
Drew Carey - Host : Yes you are.
Ryan Stiles : You looked better before you lost your erection.
-
Charles Esten : [in "Hoedown", about drunk mothers]
[singing]
Charles Esten : Well I knew Colin's mother, I must tell the truth. / When she was nursing Colin, her milk was 90 proof. / She wanted to kick the habit, she didn't know what to do. / But if your baby looked like that, then you'd be drinkin' too.
[Wayne high fives Chip]
Drew Carey - Host : [singing] Let me tell you something that happened just to me. / My mama started drinking when I was just three. / Now I shouldn't let this secret slip, / But my mama started drinking when she married Chip.
Colin Mochrie : [singing] My mother drinks a lot, I know that isn't strange. / But her behavior GETS really strange. / She acts as though she's from somewhere else, maybe like Venus. / Oh, by the way, Chip has a little penis.
Ryan Stiles : [singing] Oh boy, this "Hoedown", it's takin' mighty long. / I am so siiiiick of this bloody song. / Wayne sits there and he gets to rest. / His penis is large, that's why he's behind the desk.
-
Ryan Stiles : [in "Song Titles"] "What's New, Pussycat?"
Colin Mochrie : "When You Wish Upon a Star."
Ryan Stiles : Ooh, "Blue Suede Shoes."
Colin Mochrie : ...Nice pants.
[buzzed out by Drew]
-
Drew Carey - Host : [in "Scenes from a Hat"] "Bad names for perfume."
Wayne Brady : I call it, "Like Ass".
Ryan Stiles : You know you'll get lucky when you're wearing "Eau du Pork".
Colin Mochrie : "Nice Pants", the smell of corduroy.
-
Charles Esten : [in "Song Titles"] "Theme from S.W.A.T.".
Colin Mochrie : "Oops, I Did it Again".
Charles Esten : "Love to Love Ya, Baby".
Colin Mochrie : "Happiness is a Warm Gun".
Charles Esten : "Cold as Ice".
Colin Mochrie : ...Yippie yi-yo!
[walks off to the buzzer]