- Colin Mochrie: [in "Newsflash", standing in front of footage of himself] I have been looking at this for the last five hours, and I just can't take my eyes off it!
- Chip Esten: It's a sad sight indeed, Colin.
- Colin Mochrie: It certainly is.
- Chip Esten: How did it start?
- Colin Mochrie: It all started with a badly-timed bald joke.
- [audience laughs]
- Colin Mochrie: And then that's, it just went on to this.
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Newsflash", where Colin is standing in front of footage of himself] Are these things capable of reproducing?
- Colin Mochrie: Maybe like around... I, I'm afraid to get close enough to find out.
- Chip Esten: Now, I notice you're not wearing sunglasses to help you with that incredible shine.
- [audience laughs]
- Colin Mochrie: Yeah, although many people ARE, because of the incredible beauty of what is happening behind. It's so beautiful. Many artists have come down just to take a rendering of it.
- Drew Carey: [in "Newsflash", where Colin is standing in front of footage of himself] It's the best one ever. Colin, what is behind you?
- Colin Mochrie: I hope it's me with my clothes ON.
- Drew Carey: [after "Film, TV & Theater Styles", where one of the styles was "porn"] I get so nervous watching that. I'm as nervous as Richard Simmons' pool boy.
- Ryan Stiles: [in "Song Titles"] Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini.
- Wayne Brady: One-Eyed, One-Horned, Flying Purple People-Eater.
- Ryan Stiles: I Don't Know How to Love Him.
- Wayne Brady: ...Me either.
- [buzzed out by Drew]
- Drew Carey: [before "Duet", to Katie, who works at Hoagie Oagie] Do you work behind the counter, or in front?
- [Katie replies, "Behind."]
- Drew Carey: Behind, oh.
- Ryan Stiles: "In front of the counter", that would be a customer, Drew.
- Drew Carey: [in "Foreign Film Dub", speaking mock Canadian] Yah, da hoser in da icebox. Oh eh eh.
- Ryan Stiles: [translating Drew's mock Canadian] We don't even have a football team, but I bet we could beat Cleveland.
- [Drew gives Ryan the finger inside his jacket]