- Charlie Harper: [to Alan, the morning after getting drunk and sleeping with Rose] What I have to do now is find my passport and head for the border. What you have to do is tell Rose that - that - that I was drunk and I'm sorry and that there's no reason to hunt me down and glue my testicles to my thigh. Again.
- Alan Harper: [to Rose's father] You'll have to forgive my brother. He thinks with his penis and his penis isn't very bright.
- Berta: [Berta tops off her coffee with rum, takes a swig out of the bottle and smacks her lips] Mmmm... That's good coffee.
- Alan Harper: [walking into the kitchen] Good morning.
- Berta: It's getting there.