Christopher Titus: Christopher Titus

Quotes 

• [Titus is showing Kathy the tape of Ken's drunk driving arrest] 

  Christopher Titus : Has anybody else seen a cop *that* pissed off?

  [behind Titus, Dave proudly raises his hand] 

  Christopher Titus : [knowing Dave is the only one with his hand raised]  Besides Dave?

• [first lines] 

  Christopher Titus : My father, never chooses me for anything. If you needed a kidney and I offered him mine, well, pfft. Well, he'd take it 'cos he was dying. It's not that he doesn't love me, 'cos he does. It's just that special kind of love that feels like neglect.

• [last lines] 

  Christopher Titus : My father, never chooses me for anything. Unless he needs a human shield. Thirty years and all I am to him is a hunk of meat to block buck shot. Told you dad needed me. Who's the best man now ?

• [Kathy has pulled a gun on the Titus family] 

  Ken Titus : Oh, crap. Another wacko with a gun.

  Christopher Titus : Dad! Bad time for criticism!